“The Nard Harpies started their conference debut in terrible style against the infamous Skaven team Blackwater Blitz Monday night.

It looked as though the team (especially the goblins) had not participated in any pre-season training. Their woeful effort to pick up the ball cost them the 3 touch downs scored by the rats in the first half.

The second half saw the formation of the HNC (Hard Nard Cage) with goblin wonder-boy Bums Boneeye protected in the middle.

Xtag Greatbone was seriously injured in a despicable gang foul from the Blackwater Blitz rats, who are obviously jealous of his fouling prowess.

G’krepp Frib killed Lucky Luck by piling on to his prone body after a nasty block. Luckily for Luck the Skaven apothecary was on hand to revive him and get the star thrower back on the field.

The NHC trundle up field with Bums Boneeye all to confident of his safety, to the point where he brown-eyed the Skaven rat ogre Maniacal Mickey. The rat ogre was so enraged it charged into the cage breaking away from all tackle zones and blocked Bums Boneeye crunching him into the ground where he lay stunned with the ball scattering away. Disco Dan Gutter Runner extraudinaire saw his chance at yet another scoring opportunity ran in, leaped over an Ogre and tried to grab the ball but fortunately for the Nard Harpies it slipped through his fingers, bounced off the Rat Ogre and landed among Nard Harpy players.

Q’harr Zob smacked the Rat Ogre down on top of the ball scattering in to the hands of Ogre Qwez Ednax who was so surprised by the appearance of the ball, he stood there stupidly wondering what it was, all the while coach MachSphere was screaming from the sidelines “Run you big stupid f**kwit”.

Now we come to the most talked about part of this match. Xtag Greatbone threw away a huge gang foul on the infamous Rat Ogre Maniacal Mikey, to go and foul a rookie line-rat. There is speculation around the Southern Wastes League that Xtag Greatbone is becoming soft, others speculate that as he already had the scalp of a Rat Ogre from last season he enjoyed bringing pain to the rookie player.

Qwez Ednax final recovers and starts to trudge towards the end zone protected by his team mates. Rat Ogre Maniacal Mikey tries another maniacal charge but this time seriously injures himself in the process, damaging his back.

In the end the Nard Harpies scored with Qwez Ednax to lose 3- 1.

Twahnlows

3 votes: #10 Maniacal Mikey – Breaking the HNC and smashing Bums Boneeye to the ground.

2 votes: #13 Disco Dan – Awesome Gutter Runner, who is very much a nuisance.

1 vote: #7 Gougin’ Geoff – Got a casualty from the least amount of blocks.”