Redgum
Joined: May 19, 2009
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  Posted:
Apr 02, 2016 - 02:37 |
 
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Welcome to the (again, much belated) SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 63.
It’s our pleasure to announce this season's representative squads.
Firstly, our congratulations to Faulcon, who again has led his venerable lizards to Premier glory. The Skinks are certainly the most storied of the modern SWL teams, and it is a testament to them and to their coach that they should have enjoyed success in CRP, just as they did in former iterations of the game.
Congratulations too to all of the Conference teams who will next season test their mettle in Premier.
Tonight we’re pleased to announce The SWL 'All-Stars' Team.
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXIII:
Chuhui (c) Saurus Sacred Spawning of Sotek
Shntsyeooa Skink Slumbering Skink
Lltl Saurus Slumbering Skink
Viola Catcher Wings of the Condor
Huge Axeman Werewolf Error 404: Afterlife Not Found
Succesful Steve Blitzer Orcs for Correct Spelling
Dodgy Dan Gutter Runner Redgum’s Rodents
Hoover Widowmaker Thrower Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Gangrenous Gabriel Pestigor SWL Fun Police
Squark II Hobgoblin Large Head-on Colliders
Sam the Eagle Blitzer Henson’s Henchmen
Chuhui is this season’s All Stars Captain, a much deserved further honour for the first Saurus Legend of the SWL. He was first selected as an All Star all the way back in Season 56, and has been a member of this elite team each season since 60, making this his fourth consecutive honour. Small wonder when you consider that his is a career spanning more than 80 games, and in each game he has played he has played a pivotal role, breaking tackles and laying tackles, dodging his opponents and striking mighty blows of his own in return. He is averaging nearly 10 blocks per game, including 86 in season LXIII alone. His three CAS and a TD against the Soylent Greenstars showed how valuable he was to a team which came so close in Prem this season.
Shntsyeooa is a large (or small, really) part of the reason Chuhui’s team could only come close. In a thrilling Prem season it was the little skink who made the difference, finishing with 8TDs for the season. At 69 games, his career is unusually long (by skink standards) and he continues to be affected by an old skull wound which hasn’t quite set right. It hasn’t disrupted his remarkable agility though, not his amazing sprint speed and the sure step with which he makes his way past defenders so unprepared they can seem almost to be standing still. This is a skink on the verge of Legendhood, a Prem Champion, and well deserving of being named All Star.
Faulcon’s success was not entirely down to his speedy namesake skinks though; it was also predicated on strength, and there are few players stronger than Lltl. The saurus is one of the youngest players to be selected to the All Stars, and at only 12 games into his career, it his potential which draws the eye as much as his performances. In some ways, there was no player of the Premiership winning team who played more of a role, certainly none played for longer. At a rrmarkable 113 turns in the season Lltr was an ever-present and ever-reliable figure. His strength and the might of his strikes are rare natural talents, and we can only imagine what this athlete will become when he learns some of the finer points of the sport.
Viola carries the additional weight of a Black Pearl bounty, but it hasn’t slowed her down a step. To watch Viola play is to see the impossible. Her agility defies the mind, she can sprint past rats, stand toe-to-toe with Black Orcs, and she has never backed down from a fight. Even with her opponents in numbers clawing at her and doing all they can to end her, she keeps her mind on the ball, always preparing for the next catch, the next dodge, the next jinking run through whatever inadequate lines the opposing coach might have put in place. She’s a fan favourite among the Condor crowds, and surely also amongst those who are not Condor-fans, who long for the day they can pay their respects at her funeral.
Once again, Huge Axeman has proven himself one of the true All Stars of the competition. Some seasons ago, when the werewolf was young and just starting to show signs of the player he would become, the All Star selection committee spent a long night awake, in furious debate about whether the whelp should be included. In the end, the decision went against Axeman, and ever since he has played as though determined to demonstrate the error that selection committee made that night. There’s little more to be said of such a remarkable player, or such a remarkable career, save to wonder at how he seems still to be improving, still developing techniques to make him deadlier each season. He is unnaturally strong, and knows now how to bring down a dodging opponent. His ferocity has him averaging over 10 blocks per game, and the 5 CAS he individually inflicted on the Skink in their early-season match-up were crucial in earning his team a draw against the eventual champs. He stands on the brink of being an SWL legend, and on the basis of recent form, we expect this will be his season.
While Axeman was the most dangerous player in Premier, Succesful Steve was the most efficient. He is a newcomer to the All Stars, and this honour was well earnt on the back of a season which yielded 10 CAS from only 56 blocks. When Steve hit, he hit hard and had a knack for keeping his opponent out of the game. It’s a pattern he has established throughout his career, where he is averaging nearly a CAS per game. He’s not as much an athlete as some on this list (indeed his ball-handling has noticeably declined since he was seriously injured), but he’s a smarter player than some give him credit for: he knows when to hold his ground, and can be impossible to shift; he also knows how to keep an opponent close. But it’s when he decides it’s time to attack that the best of Steve is revealed. He strikes with a frenzy of mighty blows and continues his rampage even after the victim is brought to ground.
Dodgy Dan is one of the newest Legends of the SWL, a remarkably strong Gutter Runner with the perfect skill-set to exploit his amazing scampering speed. We’ve known for a long time that Dan was living on borrowed time. In a sense this is true of all rats, but especially true for those with a long-term skull injury and a target on their back. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, Dan has developed a game which often allows him to spend very few turns on the pitch for great reward. His 10 TDs (including 3 against the Glee Club and 4 against the Nemesis Demons) were instrumental in lifting his Rodents to the Conference title and we look forward to seeing how he copes with the additional demands of Prem.
In an All Star line-up featuring so many pacey scorers, a player of Hoover Widowmaker’s class fits in beautifully. He has had another impressive season with the ball, showing skill and poise and also a good dose of grit. He threw for 133 yards this season, with his personal highlight a game against the Rodents in which his 6 completions were worth 50 yards alone. That was a tough game for the Snowleopards, but Hoover can hold his head high knowing that he did everything he could. He is a master of the deep backfield, using his sure hands to secure the ball and his strong arm to safely throw accurate passes over would be interceptors and into the waiting hands of his catchers.
The loss of Foul Frank punched a big hole in the Fun Police’s line-up, and Semitence knew as well as anyone that his team’s success relied on someone standing up to fill those shoes… hooves… hoofprints… whatever. Thus the scene was set for a breakout season from veteran Pestigor, Gangrenous Gabriel. Though he is slow, he had no trouble with Frank’s specialties: hitting folk and hurting them. Gabriel will add tonight’s All Star honour to the awards he has already received for his outstanding Season 63, in which he caused 16 CAS (4 in a single game against the Prancing Unicorns).
Like Gabriel, Squark II was already a veteran coming into Season 63, and he too had a break-out season. Unlike Gabriel, Squark did his breaking with his boots, while the opponents he broke were dazed, stunned, or otherwise distracted. He’s a dirty little player, is Squark II, but he’s been working to develop other areas of his game too: he is much better at bringing an opponent to ground himself, even if it means he has to get down in the dirt too. But it’s in the semi-illegal element of the gameplay that Squark most excels, and fans of the Colliders cheered each of the 30 fouls he caused this season with gusto.
Sam the Eagle is a young player with plenty of potential, and though he won’t be playing in Season 64 there’s many in the SWL who are hoping we haven’t seen the last of the high-flying frog. With a dreaded combination of agility and leap Sam proved that he had the hops to achieve remarkable success. In only 20 games he passed several career milestones, racking up impressive numbers in rushing, passing, blocking and TDs. In Season 63 he was clearly the Regionals’ stand-out star, with a 3 completion, 3 TD game against the Southern Warpstone Scavengers demonstrating the range of tactical options open to such a unique player.
Congratulations go to all those named in the All-Stars Team. There were a lot of returning and familiar faces named this year, so particular congratulations to the debutantes, and a thought spared for those not here to be honoured, the posthumous All Stars who are lost to our league, but not forgotten. Where last season all of the debate was about the heavily ‘bashy’ make-up of the team, this year it is replete with speedsters and scorers. Perhaps the pendulum has swung too far… Perhaps.
One thing is certain: with only 11 spots available in the All-Stars, there’s always going to be debate. It says much for the high-quality of the players newly attracted to SWL that this job is so hard, season after season.
A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative teams:
LXI Prem-Stars
Viola, Wings of the Condors
Shntsyeooa, Slumbering Skinks
Portugese Pedro, Orcs for Correct Spelling
Ghoulhardy, Error 404
Romeo Blue, SWL Jaegers
Succesful Steve, Orcs for Correct Spelling
Huge Axeman, Error 404
Hugh Thompson, Error 404
Chuhui (c) Sotek Sacred Spawning
Lltl, Slumbering Skinks
Algarin Pendaloan II, Ashamaniac
LXI Conference Rep team
Dodgy Dan (c), Redgum’s Rodents
Aymar, Daemon Ex
Bubonic Bobs, Fun Police
Roundabout I, Urban Nightmare
Hoover Widowmaker, Snowleopards
Mikey Danzig (RIP), Glee Club
Gabriel, Fun Police
Intersection I, Urban Nightmare
Squark II, LHC
Edwardo Vandes, Standoff
Pureed, Steaked
LX Rising-Stars
Flesh (C), Eau De Toilet
Sam the Eagle, Henchmen
Lethan Morgan, Black as Death
Forrest Gump, Thunder Beards
Stanley, Office Rats
Pocket Rocket (RIP), Steel Fists of Dorugan
Made to Messure, Eau De Toilet
Wustin Jatt II, Hostile Kiddies
Karma Man II, Sphinxes
Aeon the Defenestrator, Black Stag
Wild Thing Slim, Cocksville
So that ends another awards post-season.
That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd! |
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| Tomay wrote: | | Thanks Redgum, you are a legend... |
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oozeboss
Joined: Mar 06, 2016
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| Posted:
Apr 02, 2016 - 13:06 |
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[deleted] |
Last edited by oozeboss on Dec 21, 2019; edited 1 time in total |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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Liv Wetmorgswickdotter paced outside in the rain, distraught. It wasn't the weather that had her upset, though it was certainly worse back here on the Isles than their glorious summer season in the Wastes. It wasn't the recent death of her sister Hilde, for that had given Liv the chance to take her place at the great one's side. It wasn't even that Morg had been spending more of his nights with Kjell than with her.
She looked at the newspaper again. How could this be? 12 casualties, 4 touchdowns, more SPP than anyone else in the entire league. Yet her true love didn't even make the Regional Rep team? How could she tell him?
Liv knew the recent nightmares would return, worse than ever. It was always the same. That nasty little goblin standing on the table, staring at her, cackling. His evil laugh ringing in her ears hours after she awoke,
"Morg doesn't count!" |
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cdwat
Joined: Oct 29, 2013
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| Posted:
Apr 03, 2016 - 08:09 |
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Welcome once again to the (now traditionally late) awarding of the medal for
The Hero of HEROES: SWL 63.
Voting was tighter than ever in SWL 63, but after much deliberation a winner was decided.
This player lead the HEROES scoring in SWL 63, with 6 touchdowns and carried the ball 61 yards. Taking seriously the HEROES mission statement of "removal of the violence and hooliganism that plagues the league", she duly dispatched the violent hooligan Thing One with a judicious stomping. Further to that, she managed 2 more casualties for the season with her tenacious blocking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Hero of HEROES award for Season 63, is:
Nicol Melanque
from Mexican Standoff.
 
Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in a toast to the Hero of HEROES for Season 63, Nicol Melanque.
Head over to the HEROES page to see all the medalists and much more! |
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Proud member of the SWL HEROES
Bio template here. |
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Luohghcra
Joined: Nov 18, 2008
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| Posted:
Apr 04, 2016 - 07:52 |
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The Federation of Undying Legends would like to humbly submit to you...
Our first (but by no means last)
Hall of Famer!
While there are many contenders for this prestigious honour, it is fitting to choose one of the humble who rose to a great height before being struck down by the jealousy of those still living.
Ladies, Gentlemen and Unspeakable Horrors... I give you
Eth'el!
A zombie of great strength of character - and body. A perfect example of how the lowest, most miserable Undying can become a thing of greatness and yes, even beauty.
Please, put your hands/claws/stumps together in congratulations...
Until next time - adieu |
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DrDiscoStu
Joined: Feb 20, 2006
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| Posted:
Apr 05, 2016 - 08:11 |
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Wäŋa Times
Obituary section
Today we mourn one of the trinity
My precious ag4 star Maguk III
Killed by a thrown rock
Like so many of our skilled players
Weirdly, I have actually lost 2 awesome black orcs to the rock
I am starting to think someone is targetting us
Anyway, plenty more AG where that came from
And he was slowing down
Onwards and upwards I say
- DDS |
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Check out my fishing and camping blog.
The Black Pearl Bounty-Board.
GUARD CONQUERS ALL! |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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Old Fish sat in the corner of the changing room staring solemnly at the captain’s armband which he held in his hands. The armband was heavily stained with the blood of his predecessors. While it was a great honour to be named captain of the Freezy Trees, he couldn’t help wondering (as he glanced up at the apothecary chatting amicably with stars Lorax and Clark), if the role was somewhat undervalued by team management.
RIP Yertle, yet another Norseman cut down by those damn dirty High Elves. |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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In the dead of night, The Baker stood waiting on a grassy knoll overlooking a crossroads and a country inn. The smell wafting from the cloaked figure today was that of cinnamon, cloves, and a hint of dead rat.
The door of the Blocked Cock flew open and out stumbled a man. Angry shouting followed him out the door but nobody else emerged. The man exhibited an unusual gait as he progressed up the hill towards the Baker. Certainly it lumbered like a Zombie, but there was clearly the remnant dexterity of an elf.
"Did you get them?", boomed the terrifying voice of the Baker.
The wretch looked vacantly towards his master and emptied a cake tin onto the ground. Out tumbled a handful of trinkets - badges, rings, medallions.
"They're not all there! Who's missing?", demanded the Baker
"Ngoor... Ngoooorg", groaned the Zombie through his missing lips, displaying perfect rows of pearly white elven teeth.
"I'll get his, if ever he dares to show his face this side of the Tazman again."
The Baker picked though the collection noting that one of the rings still had a finger in it. "I see there was a bit of resistance, you have done well. Tell me Felaern, where do you keep your own bloodstone?"
The Zombie's vacant stare vanished and was replaced by a gleam of pride. He pulled back his hood and revealed a silver headband, the bloodstone at its centre slightly sunken into his rotting forehead.
The Baker's sword scythed through the air and struck the elf at the bridge of the nose. Cleaving the top half of his head right off, a decaying ooze of brain spilling out. Felaern fell in a heap on the ground, undead no more.
"Better, much better"
 The Bloody Baker's Dozen
 Einarr (Norscia Bezerkers), XXII (13cas)
 Udhachagnd (Temple of Sotek), XXV (13cas)
 Geoffrey Grimwade (Mort Avaritia), XXVIII (13cas); XXXI (20cas)
Cam Smith (Salary Cap Storm), XXXVII (13cas)
Campitor III (Schola), XXXVIII (14cas)
 Richard Randall (Mort Avaritia), XXXVIII (15cas)
 Ben Hall (Butchrangers ), XLV (16cas)
'Ferociously Fighting' Pip (Wonga Wonga Whalekillers ), XLVII (13cas)
Loco Holmes (Mort Volente ), XLVIII (14cas); XLIX (18cas)
 Jack Flash (Elektric Boogaloo ), XLVIII (13cas)
 Ricardoco (Joking Jesters ), XLIX (13cas)
 Thavia Bitterblood (Darkstar Corsairs ), LV (15cas)
 Foul Frank (SWL Fun Police ), LVIII (13cas); LIX (15cas); LX (14cas)
Damien "Shake it off" Halford (Blackwater Glee Club), LX (13cas)
Caging Chris (Easy Mode Maniacs), LXI (14cas); LXII (17cas)
 Gangrenous Gabriel (SWL Fun Police), LXIII (16 Cas) |
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DrDiscoStu
Joined: Feb 20, 2006
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| Posted:
May 11, 2016 - 14:24 |
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DustBunny
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
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| Posted:
May 17, 2016 - 00:07 |
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Tumbling Boulder Exclusive from the Whitsundays
I'm reporting in from the Whitsundays where an impromptu awards ceremony has broken out following the clean sweep made of the tournament by the Jim Lahey Experience. Playing in the brutal Southern Survivalists League where few dare tread, and many medical marvels continue to take to the pitch, the Jim Lahey Experience managed an undefeated season without conceding a single touchdown!
Behind me on the barely upright podium is the barely upright Coach DustBunny about to receive a special award on behalf of his team. A meek looking Frog-Man is wandering up with something wrapped in cloth. He doesn't seem to want to go further, but is surrounded by the drunken yobbos and has no choice. Stepping up on the podium he is unwrapping the cloth. It contains a large stick of sorts and I am being informed it is to be known as the Sunnyvale Stick of Clearance and that the Jim Lahey Experience are the inaugural winners. I am now being informed that it is being awarded for accomplishing the feat of winning all games in a regular season, while conceding no touchdowns.
Coach DustBunny appears to be waving his stick around with glee and.. wait he has fallen off the stage, but appears to be no less coherent than he already was. Waving the stick about he has successfully cleared the podium, and the Frog-Man is behind it incapacitated. Let's hear what he has to say:
!@#%^in challenge any other %^%$#^ #$^#$ @#$@$@ to win this thing!
He now appears to have passed out.
If I understand correctly he is extending the challenge to other teams in the SSL and in the NSL sister league. They too may one day own their very own Sunnyvale Stick of Clearance.
Now with the Frog-Man incapacitated my crew and I appear to be the only ones present who are not 'Experienced'. This reporter signing off.
*bottle hits camera man* |
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[13:11] <;@Prinz> i can't ban bunny for being funny |
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oozeboss
Joined: Mar 06, 2016
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 Posted:
May 17, 2016 - 14:12 |
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[deleted] |
Last edited by oozeboss on Dec 21, 2019; edited 1 time in total |
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ramchop
Joined: Oct 12, 2013
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"Welcome!", roared a gleeful Cobber Ponzi (CEO of Wastelands Pachyderm Banking Corporation), "to another night of fun, frivolity, and fantasy. Tonight, we are gonna party! The awards committee, after suffering a succession of unfortunate accidents, are not attending tonight's festivities and have decided to leave you totally in my capable hands. I have some prizes to give out, and ladies...", he paused peering to the back of the room were the two Amazon teams sat at the Regional tables, "...I'm not averse to being persuaded by the odd bribe"
"First up I'm proud to announce the winners of the Wastpac Team Challenge. Last season's champions have continued their yoyo act and sunk back to spoondom. And last season's spoons win this beauty (crafted from finest Plastiqueâ„¢). Could the current hero of HEROES come forth and collect the award... Nicol! Where are you?"
HEROES, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXIV
After his lecherous eyes followed the Mexican blitzer off the stage it was time for ice cream.
"Unfortunately, our sponsor has decided to pull the plug on the Stunty Cone. Too many skinks keep on winning it. So apologies to SSSHSHshshh- SHNTYSHS...", the front tables recoiled from a shower of spittle. "Sorry, skink, this baby, the last of the Stunty Cones is being sent to the family of Jean Carew of XLIII's Treemate's 90s Class, the only non-skink since XXXX who'd have qualified for it. Don't you worry SHNYHTHYNSHS, there'll be plenty of bling for you in the non-handicap awards. Speaking of handicaps... the Big Golden Sundae goes to..."
Before he could finish his sentence, a blur of fur rushed forward. Despite his smashed ankle, Clark was not going to be denied his ice cream (Clark loves ice cream) "Roar!" he pronounced gleefully.
"Now hold your horses fuzzy, this season the prize is a three-way tie, so you'll have to share it"
"ROAR!!!!!!", Clark hugged the award to his chest and glared at the tentatively approaching Ogre, and a Tree taken root near the back. The claws came out. Nobody was taking his golden sundae.
"Alright, alright, calm down", chuckled the jovial Cobber. "Weggie, Root, you'll just have to wait for the goldsmiths to cast your ones, shouldn't take more than a month or two"
 The Unofficial Maester Whippy Big Golden Sundae - 12 Spp
 Clark (Freezy Trees)
 Weggie Rhite (Hostile Kiddies IV)
 Seeding Deeproot (Port Macquarie Snowleopards)
"Weggie, while you're here. be a dear and read out the Team Awards. I've gotta take a piss". Cobber stumbled down off the stage and left the poor Ogre (with a reading age of a 3 year old) to struggle through the long and tedious list.
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Team Awards
Regionals:
Turns (1159): Easy Mode Maniacs
Completions (28): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
TDs (24): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Cas (31): Easy Mode Maniacs
SPP (126): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Passing yards (172): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Rushing yards (302): Altered Perception
Blocks (346): Black as Death
Fouls (46): Bribery and Corruption
Blocks/Cas (10.76): Easy Mode Maniacs
Pass/Cp (9): Black as Death
Kills (5): Easy Mode Maniacs
Conferences:
Turns (1180): Striking Thunder Beards!
Completions (25): Mexican Standoff
TDs (18): Mexican Standoff
Cas (31): Blackwater Glee Club
SPP (105): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (126): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (338): Striking Thunder Beards!
Blocks (431): Madness Mountain Misery
Fouls (55): Sphinxes from Mars
Block/Cas (10.03): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (57): Blackwater Glee Club
Kills (5): Striking Thunder Beards! & Eau de Toilet
Premier:
Turns (1133): SWL Fun Police
Completions (26): Dallas Drowboys
TDs (17): Wings of the Condor
Cas (45): SWL Fun Police
SPP (104): SWL Fun Police
Passing yards (117): Wings of the Condor
Rushing yards (275): Slumbering Skink
Blocks (295): SWL Fun Police
Fouls (29): SWL Fun Police
Blocks/Cas (7.37): SWL Fun Police
Pass/Cp (5.09): Wings of the Condor
Kills (7): SWL Fun Police
After 90 painful minutes Cobber returned to the stage just as the Ogre got to the end of the list. "Let's have a round of applause for Weggie!". Cobber swayed dangerously, he'd spent most of his time away from the stage drinking at the Reggies tables. "Top effort Weggie, gold star for you, and a certificicate", he drawled, "No wonder his coach gives him so many MVPs, Weggie is special!"
"Roight! Onto the big'uns. The Twahnlows"
The SWL Season LXIV Awards
"First up my favorite people, the Reggies!", Cobber raised a glass to his friends at the back, "In LXIV we had two all time season records broken in the Reggies, well done Hoover getting both the passing yards and completion records! And to his team mate Bolgwan as tough as a snotling and still going strong for grabbing the Bronze Twang"
  Bolwgan Softrock (Port Macquarie Snowleopards ) 10 TDs
 Caging Chris (Easy Mode Maniacs ) 10 Cas
  Aggravated Aspirin (Altered Perception ) 114 Turns
  C3PO (Prancing Unicorns ) 89 Rushing yards
  Hoover widowmaker (Port Macquarie Snowleopards ) 173 Pass yards
  Dirty Pool (Bribery and Corruption ) 33 Fouls
  Obewan Kenobi (Prancing Unicorns ) 68 Blocks
 Hoover widowmaker (Port Macquarie Snowleopards ) 22 Cps
  Mighty Mushroomy (Easy Mode Maniacs ) 6 Block/Cas
 Hoover widowmaker (Port Macquarie Snowleopards ) 7.87 Pass/Cp
 Bolwgan Softrock (Port Macquarie Snowleopards ) 30SPP
"No records broken in the Confs, though it looked for most of the season like an Ulf might take the Ball. Has the world gone mad? Instead sanity prevailed and it went to a....", Cobber paused and looked at his notes dumbfounded, "... a Chaos Warrior? Really? The world has gone mad. He took the Silver Twang too... with zero Cas!"
 Roundabout I (Urban Nightmare ) 9 TDs
 Damien "Shake it off" Halford (Blackwater Glee Club ) 14 Cas
 Made to Messure (Eau de Toilet ) 114 Turns
  Forrest Gump (Striking Thunder Beards! ) 205 Rushing yards
  Ricardo de Suza (Mexican Standoff ) 103 Pass yards
  Wild Eyed Bones (Sphinxes from Mars ) 24 Fouls
 Damien "Shake it off" Halford (Blackwater Glee Club ) 76 Blocks
 Ricardo de Suza (Mexican Standoff ) 14 Cps
 Made to Messure (Eau de Toilet ) 5.15 Block/Cas
 Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha (Blackwater Glee Club ) 8 Pass/Cp
 Roundabout I (Urban Nightmare ) 31SPP
"Finally to the best of the best. Two more records broken. Fantashtic! Firstly...", Cobber tried to get the name right this time, he made his way so slowly through it that the spit didn't fly but merely dribbled down his chin, "Shshshsh-nnnnnnt-ssss-yeeeee-ooooooo-aaaaaaaaaah, Yes! New rushing yards record!, and some beastly Pestigor equalled most Cas in a season. Who also nabs the Ultimate gong. Congratulations Gangrenous Gabriel"
The Disco Dan Ball:
  Dodgy Dan (Redgum's Rodents ) 11TDs
The Replacemnt Knuckles:
 Gangrenous Gabriel (SWL Fun Police ) 20 Cas
The Touchstone Heart:
 Gangrenous Gabriel, Rancid RedMaul, Leperous Larry &  Terry the Tainted Tentacle (SWL Fun Police ) 112 Turns
The Xies-ler-aym Slipper:
  Shntsyeooa (Slumbering Skink ) 239 Rushing yards
The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow:
  Lyceres (Wings of the Condor ) 107 Pass yards
The John Stone Boot:
  Ten Minute Turn Faulcon (SWL Fun Police ) 13 Fouls
The Eth'el Shield:
 Chuhui (Sacred Spawning of Sotek ) 75 Blocks
The Emilio Luthien Boomerang:
 Lyceres (Wings of the Condor ) 18 Cps
The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist:
 Gangrenous Gabriel (SWL Fun Police ) 3.65 Block/Cas
The Duskwind Strongarm:
 Lyceres (Wings of the Condor ) 5.95 Pass/Cp
The Duke Snakefield Medallion:
 Gangrenous Gabriel (SWL Fun Police ) 40SPP
And with that Cobber marched unsteadily and happily back to the Reggies tables for more booze. |
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Redgum
Joined: May 19, 2009
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| Posted:
May 22, 2016 - 15:24 |
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Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 64.
It’s our pleasure to announce this season's representative squads.
Firstly, we must yet again our congratulations to Faulcon, whose Skinks once again scrambled atop the pile of vanquished SWL opponents, and achieved Premier glory. Congratulations too to all of the Conference teams who will next season test their mettle in Premier. There’s a few new games in the middle-tier of the SWL, and some others who have started to fulfill the potential they showed in Reggies, some fallen Prem contenders looking for redemption in 65.
And so… tonight we’re pleased to announce The SWL 'All-Stars' Team.
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXIV:
Chuhui (c) Saurus Sacred Spawning of Sotek
Shntsyeooa Skink Slumbering Skink
Dodgy Dan Gutter Runner Redgum’s Rodents
Gangrenous Gabriel Pestigor SWL Fun Police
Viola Catcher Wings of the Condor
Hoover Widowmaker Thrower Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Bolgwan Softrock Catcher Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Forrest Gump Runner Striking Thunder Beards!
Made to Messure Nurgle Warrior Eu de Toilet
Damien “Shake it Off†Halford Chaos Warrior Blackwater Glee Club
Wild Eyed Bones Skeleton Sphinxes From Mars
Chuhui returns to the All Stars this season, and for the second consecutive season has been named Captain. This honour places him in even more rarefied air among the SWL elite. As a six-time AllStar, including consecutively now for five seasons, he has the historians scrambling through their records trying to find a precedent for such a sustained period of exceptional quality from a player. Perhaps the most impressive feature of Chuhui’s play is that he’s unlikely to be central to the team highlights, or to be the game MVP. Instead he’s consistent, this season never scoring more than one CAS in a game, but always getting one. Offer any coach in SWL a reliable player who can stand on the line, throw ten blocks and cause a CAS, game in, game out, and they’ll take that player in a heartbeat. So too will the Season 64 All Stars.
When one speaks of sustained SWL success, must one of course speak of Faulcon’s Slumbering Skink. Another Premier title, after another outstanding season, and again Shntsyeooa was integral to that success. He is the latest in a long line of high-quality skink ball-carriers, and after 76 games is making it clear that his name belongs in a conversation with the best of the best. He passed 1,000 career rushing yards this season, and his 9 TDs (including 2 in both of the games vs Dark Elves) bring him to an impressive career tally of 48. We said last season, when we announced Shntsyeooa’s place in the Season 63 All-Stars that he was on the verge of being a Legend. We can no longer say that. His second consecutive Premiership title and All-Star selection cement that status unequivocally.
But as we anoint a new SWL Legend, we must too farewell another. It is with great sadness and respect that we announce Dodgy Dan’s selection. Our game is always tough, often brutal, and at times, seemingly cruel. So it was when Dan, chasing a lost cause in the valiant and probably futile attempt to defend against a near-certain TD, pushed his famous speed too far. He fell, and while the team apothecary was busy with his administrations to the Rodents’ Captain, Dan expired. How frighteningly precognisant it seems now that last season we suggested that he was living on borrowed time. But tonight is also a celebration of what he achieved. He started his final season in career-best form, scoring 4 TDs and being awarded MVP in a big win against Daemon Ex Tasserae. He finished the season with 11 TDs, despite being dead for the final game-and-a-half, and his posthumous selection tonight is dedicated to his memory.
Gangrenous Gabriel also returns to the All-Stars, following up on last season’s incredible breakthrough with a record-breaking season in Premier. No player in Premier played more turns, and none scored more SPP or more CAS. How his eyes must have lit up pre-season when he saw a draw ahead full of rats and elfs and skinks. Twenty CAS in the season is an incredible feat, not achieved since the days when the fearsome Geoffrey Grimwade strode upon the SWL pitches, and (we would expect and his opponent coaches would hope) unlikely to be seen again for many seasons to come. He bettered his PB for CAS in a single game too, with five coming in the destruction of the Wings of the Condor, and four more in the game which farewelled the Rodents into retirement. His name is already in the record books, but if he is here again next season, with another bag of scalps like he has had over the last two seasons, it would be difficult to deny that he had written his name into Legend as well.
Viola is also a familiar name among the All-Stars, an amazing elf with incredible athletic prowess and a game which makes her as dangerous on defence as she is with ball in hand. Over 750 career blocks, over 200 career rushing, and 50 passing. She has more than 40 TDs, and even more completion, and 10 CAS to show that she’s not without a hard edge to her game. This is the stat sheet of a genuine all-rounder, agile enough to handle the ball cleanly under the most difficult circumstances, steel-nerves to keep her focus on the task, quick enough to flee pursuers, or to chase down those who would flee her, and strong enough to challenge all but the Biggest Guys. Her 3 TDs vs the Dallas Drowboys set up the Condor’s best win of the season and proved that it would be impossible for the selection committee to overlook such a rare athlete.
Hoover Widowmaker once more takes his place in the All-Stars’ backfield. Even from the Regionals his class shone through and could not be ignored. He took good advantage of the relative inexperience in his opposition, stepping up his game to record 173 passing yards, and taking his career total past 700. He has over 100 completions in only 40 games, including 5 against the Skitterleap Screamers, and a PB in the last game of the season with 6 completions in the amazing 5-5 draw with High Elvis. Most remarkable is that he achieves such success in such an unremarkable way. He has the agility common to all elves, but not remarkably more. Instead of physical prowess, his success is testament to his focussed training, and his skill development. With the Snowleopards taking the title in their Regional division this season, we’ll be watching closely to see how he brings this game back up to the Conference level.
At the other end of Widowmaker’s passes, more often than not you’d find Bolwgan Softrock. Likely it will be controversial to select two Regional players into the All-Stars, and more so perhaps to select two from the same team. More controversial still, Softrock secures his place on the back of only three outstanding games. And yet, the case for their mutual inclusion could not be denied. Those three games yielded ten TDs. He scored all 4 in a 4-3 win over Altered Perception, and hat-tricks against the Skitterleap Screamers and High Elvis. Each game was an impressive display from a player who many thought would have retired (voluntarily or otherwise) after a broken collarbone some seasons ago. That he can continue performing such impressive feats when he’s not even strong enough to out-muscle a skink is a great credit to his willpower and a testament to his incredible speed. As much as this game requires strength and toughness, you can apparently get away with neither if you’re quick enough.
It has been a few seasons since we’ve had a Dwarf Runner in the All-Stars, so it’s a great honour to welcome that paragon of nominative determinism: Forrest Gump. At only 19 games he is the least experienced of this year’s All-Stars, having burst onto the scene with 205 rushing yards this season alone (toward nearly 450 in his short career). All that yardage brought him 7TDs, doubling his all-time tally and establishing himself as a player to watch. He’s tough and agile, positions himself well under opposition kicks, and has already started showing his leadership qualities, often taking an onfield coaching roll and leading by example, avoiding errors which might beset less assured players. It may be too early to start drawing comparisons to Faelan the Fleet, (that great SWL Dwarf Runner who so inexplicably retired), but if Gump can continue in this season’s vein, he may yet fill those boots.
Alongside Chuhui, the All-Star line of scrimmage takes on a more chaotic aspect. Made to Messure is a warrior of Nurgle, and has taken his decaying God’s will as a personal mission: a disturbing mass of muscle and claws, hideous to behold and brutal to face. Messure tore through the Autumn Leaves’ Wood Elfs, but he also made a mockery of his toughest opponents, scoring three CAS against the Orcs for Correct Spelling, and backing it up with three more CAS against the dwarfs of Asha’maniac. He finished with fourteen CASfor the season, taking his total to 37 from 50 games (0.74 per game) and impressively, in under 400 blocks. There are few players more feared in SWL.
One of those few, is fellow All-Star, Damien “Shake it Off†Halford. Halford also worships dark Gods, and like Messure, he has devoted his expression of that worship to the blood of his opponents. In only 43 games and from just 400 blocks, he has caused over sixty CAS. This season he too finished with 14 CAS, despite the toughness of his opponents. He saved his most furious game for the Chaos All Sorts, delivering four CAS and playing a pivotal role in delivering an important victory. Perhaps he was motivated by a fanatical need to punish their heretical ways.
Lurking nearby to lay in the boot will be Wild Eyed Bones, of the Sphinxes. This too may be one of the more controversial selections, certainly ‘Dirty Pool’ will feel aggrieved, the young Goblin having made a strong impression on selectors with his fouling work in the Regional leagues. His case was strong, but in the end it was noted that the Sphinxes make such a feature of fouling in their game, with both Bones and former All-Star Karma Man committing more than twenty fouls in the season. So keen was Wild Eyed Bones on his role that many have noted that he seems unusually quick for a skeleton, turning on a rare burst of speed whenever an opponent has fallen in some awkward arrangement and exposed a chink in their armour, or a soft underbelly. Bones is nearing his 100th career foul, something to watch for in Season XLV (except of course if you’re a referee).
Congratulations go to all those named in the All-Stars Team. There were a lot of returning and familiar faces named this year, in fact every All-Star drawn from Prem this season was also an All-Star in XLIII. There are also some very impressive All-Star debutantes and a wealth of impressive young blood coming through in the Rep teams (announced below) and making strong cases for All-Star selection. Legends die, and new Legends rise, but one thing remains certain: only 11 spots are available among the All-Stars, and for those recognised it is an honour which will remain theirs forever.
A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative teams:
LXIV Prem-Stars
Chuhui (c) Sotek Sacred Spawning
Viola, Wings of the Condors
Shntsyeooa, Slumbering Skinks
Dodgy Dan, Redgum’s Rodents
Gangrenous Gabriel, Fun Police
Decomposing Dazedmw, Fun Police
Lyceres, Wings of the Condors
Cu, Sotek Sacred Spawning
Lltl, Slumbering Skinks
Ten Minute Turn Faulcon, Fun Police
Terry the Tainted Tentacle, Fun Police
LXIV Conference Rep team
Lorax (c), Freezy Trees
Portugese Pedro, Orcs for Correct Spelling
Roundabout I, Urban Nightmare
Forrest Gump, Thunder Beards
Made to Messure, Eau De Toilet
Ubirr III, Wanja Warriors
Ricardo de Suza, Standoff
Dan “Asereje†Rollins, Glee Club
“Shake it Off†Halford, Glee Club
Wild Eyed Bones, Sphinxes
Cxalk’gnil, Madness MM
LXIV Rising-Stars
Hoover Widowmaker (c), Snowleopards
Bolwgan Softrock, Snowleopards
Falling in Love, High Elvis
Lethan Morgan, Black as Death
C3PO, Unicorns
Obewan Kenobi, Unicorns
Agravated Aspirin, Altered Perception
Haemir, Griffon Gate Sentinels
Dirty Pool, Bribery and Corruption
A Stone’s Throw, Shiny Beast
Caging Chris, EM Maniacs
So that ends another awards post-season.
That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd! |
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| Tomay wrote: | | Thanks Redgum, you are a legend... |
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cdwat
Joined: Oct 29, 2013
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| Posted:
May 25, 2016 - 11:01 |
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Welcome once again to the (surprisingly on-time) awarding of the medal for
The Hero of HEROES: SWL 64.
For a second consecutive season voting was a tight affair, with the winner accruing 9 (from a maximum 12) votes, ahead of the runner up (8 votes). A special mention to the runner up, Falling in love with you of High Elvis, who had a fantastic season scoring 9 TD's.
Our winner was the standout HEROES thrower for the season, with 14 completions at a superb average of 7.36 yards (amazingly, those figures were identical to the season stats of the winner from SWL 62), earning him the Silver Boomerang and Silver Arrow. He gave it his all for his team, no more so than in the final game of the season when he risked life and limb to claim a loose ball that would secure a victory. Alas, he pushed himself so far that he tore his hamstring, fatally. A tragic end to a wonderful season.
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Hero of HEROES award for Season 64, is:
Ricardo de Suza
from Mexican Standoff.
Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in a toast to the Hero of HEROES for Season 64, the late Ricardo de Suza.
Head over to the HEROES page to see all the medalists, updated Leaderboards and much more! |
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Proud member of the SWL HEROES
Bio template here. |
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DrDiscoStu
Joined: Feb 20, 2006
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| Posted:
May 26, 2016 - 02:06 |
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Conspiracy Uncovered
Wäŋa Times
It is with great sadness that this esteemed journal is set to uncover a massive conspiracy against the esteemed side the Wäŋa Warriors and their head coach, DDS. Whilst DDS had long vented his frustration about being forced out the Premier league, it appears his method of trying to work with the administrators has blown up massively in his face. Having contacted the Tomb King Commissioner about the likelihood of needing to miss season LXVI in three months time, combined with contacting his right hand man Mercenary Tomay about skipping a single week early this season (and DDS's reliance on the two week intro) it appears the two have met behind closed doors to totally screw DDS out of a Premier spot.
The newly unveiled "Bob Borc Cup" appears to be northing more than an attempt to specifically bar DDS from being able to defend his premier title, a right that he has never been granted. It seems the long standing relationship between Slumbering Sleazy Skink and the sponsors has been a driving force behind this. No doubt the ability to appease the DUMB-BBL invaders by promoting their leader ramchop into Premier has been factored into it. When asked to comment DDS has muttered "Look, I will have to sit this one out, but missing season LXVI isn't finalised yet. But, yeah, I should have kept my mouth shut." |
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Check out my fishing and camping blog.
The Black Pearl Bounty-Board.
GUARD CONQUERS ALL! |
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