oryx
Joined: Jun 08, 2005
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 Posted:
Jun 11, 2024 - 06:33 |
 
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Interviewer: I have here with me veteran sportscaster and draft analysis consultant Oryx "Boxcars" Wild. With barely a season in bronze under his belt, He's going to tell you how it is in the world of FDL Draft. And now I give you, Oryx Wild.
Oryx Wild: Thanks. I'm happy to be here.
Interviewer: So here we are after the first four rounds of the draft. What stands out to you?
Oryx Wild: Well, there's a lot to sort through here. Let's take a look at New England first.
guard: 3
tackle: 3
mb: 3
stats: 1
Cap spent: 560
The first 4 picks are 3 blitzers and a catcher. This isn't a big surprise, blitzers are the core of any human team and I expect them to be popular across all teams. What really stands out to me here is that New England has been very cautious with team value here - all 3 blitzers are 145 and even the catcher is a relatively modest 125. I'd say they're going for a leaner team that focuses on value skills and inducing wizards rather than stealing the game with flashy superstars.
So far we have a #5 hard meme pick blitzer with g/t/mb (my preferred blitzer setup, although sf is also very good) and 23 spps. This guy is solid, but he's no #5 pick superstar. If you really don't care about a #5 pick, try to trade up into two later picks, cause there's no way anyone's going to pick every version of this guy before round 5. There are so many lean players on the board that have perfectly fine names and either nice combinations of skills or lucky randoms.
Chris spielman (g, t, mb, 20 spp) is a copy of silver bullett with only 20 spp. I can see the appeal of this team - When I was still drafting, it was totally my intention to grab a couple of superstars and then fill out my blitzers with exactly this model. The extra spps mean we could see some surprise stats or good doubles, so watch out. But the team could also just run quite lean and perform well.
Chrisss adcock (g, mb, t, 11 spps) is another of these budget workhorse blitzers, with one slot left to fill. I can get behind this.
Catcher JJ Keels (b, +ag) fits right into this strat - draft raw value, run lean, pack a big punch with low tv. Agi 2+ is always good to have, either for moving the ball around the field or as a receiver.
I think we haven't seen New England's true play yet. This is a solid core, but it's nothing exciting. There are a ton of players with really great skillsets on that board and I want to see where New England devotes some serious cap. They're currently at 560/1500, with just about the "right" ratio for a very balanced team. It's also possible that they're scooping up value picks because there are enough superstars that choosing last is worth the trade, or they could theoretically be trying to build a team where every member is strong. We really don't see anything definitive with this initial 4 picks. Time will reveal the strategy.
I think silver bullett as a #5 pick is a huge meme - There were definitely better plays, as I see it. An early pick is a blessing and a curse in this format, but you still get the curse even if you reject the blessing. Surely there was some player that caught New England's eye when only 4 were gone?
Int: An interesting take on the situation. Do you agree with him, viewers? Comment on our patented CABALVision Comment Horns and send your recording via magical horn today! Comment Horns can be purchased for 89 crowns, 10 extra for shipping. And now for a commercial break.
COMMERCIALS, SOUL SUCKING COMMERCIALS WITH NO SKIP BUTTON. ENJOY THEM FOR YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BECAUSE THE TV CONTROLS YOU.
Int: ... And we're back. Aren't you a little surprised by blitzer Robert Kough (t, g, +mv, +ag, 0 spps) coming in at #4? The guy's a solid blitzer without a doubt but is he really #4 material? What do you think of Gruyere n Brie's overall 4 pick core?
OW: I suspect Kough was more of a "grue thing". I don't know him as well as some (either as a human or an opponent) but he's well known for playing a solid control/mobility game and pulling off some absolute bullshit. Kough doesn't seem like a superstar, but his price tag means you get a full suite of top notch abilities for playmaking at a relatively low cost. When you're trying to play the control/mobility game, keeping a lean TV can mean the difference between a wizard and no wizard. Wizards are so key for agility teams, so I can only imagine that Grue is building a leaner, more efficient squad and he's going to fish for inducements. Or at least that's what I thought until he picked HERGER (+st, +st, +ag, b, ss) OF ALL CATCHERS in at round 2. Maybe Kough was a bargain Reddic to make room for Herger?
Herger is exactly the kind of ridiculous statfreak bs that will win games with Grue's unique vision. Will he convert that whopping 160k to a season trophy without getting bodied? Only time will tell. The elven playstyle is going to be very tough in this league in my opinion, but if anyone can manage it, perhaps it is grue. Grue could get to the playoffs with a ham sandwich, I swear, so call me a believer.
Kevin gruesom (mb, sf, dt, 14 spps) at 145 is good value, and I think 145 with spps is the "best" blitzer draft. A lot of other people evidently agree with me, although I'm surprised that grue took this unusual piece over others with better fundamental skills. Grue's toolbox is his own mystery. With 14 spps, Grue can fill any holes in his lineup later.
Rounding out the 4 pick core is Orky Ogbu (mb, 17 spps), likely to balance Herger's cost. 17 spp helps him round out his core skills, but I don't really agree with this pick. I'm sure grue has his reasons. I think that even with Herger, Gruyere can field a solid blitzer core and take some journeyman linos.
Tackle: 1
mb: 2
guard: 1
stats: 5
So overall, our 4 pick core includes two playmakers with great stats, 1 fairly serious roadblock, an angry rookie, and 2-3 spps worth of skills. 740k, which leaves just over half of the initial budget for the rest of the team. We have to pass the buck on this one, because so much of this team will depend on what gets drafted next and what Gruyere do with the star player potential within their draftees. St4 and guard seem to be pretty popular to me, so you'll pardon me if I'm feeling skeptical at the moment, but grue would still beat me h2h. With 740 cap spent, I would not be surprised if grue were able to recruit a reasonable support team.
Int: (whisper) you're supposed to roast them
OW: (whisper) oh right.
OW: Starting with Herger, grue has no strategy and is probably clinically insane, I have no idea how he racks up so many wins. I think he's actually a mutant with some sort of weird clairvoyant relationship with a specific magic 8 ball that he happened to be using when he discovered his powers as a child. He just asks the 8 ball how to play and it shows him the future. I don't know. Like really robert kough? he's good for sure but as an early first round pick. Why wouldn't Grue take Reddic, who's agi1+ makes him so much of a playmaker? Apparently grue had a plan and then just randomly abandoned it to pick Herger (supports my 8ball theory) and is now scrambling desperately to cobble together some sense of sanity or cohesion in his team. He's going to get bashed to oblivion because humans don't start with agi4 or leap and he surely can't play any other way, right? Frankly it's embarassing that such a legendary coach gets a crush like a teenager and goes off the deep end. Don't tell your wife about Herger, now!
Int: ...
OW: (whisper) How was that?
Int: (whisper) maybe a little personal
OW: (whisper) Isn't that the point of roasting?
Int: (whisper) well yes but there's a sort of unspoken code
OW: (whisper) I'm not too good with that kind of stuff, but I'll keep trying
Int: Well anyway, moving on. What about Buffalo?
OW: Lineman Rick Ettani (block, +st) is... Not a bad bargain, and apparently people think +st is going to be the best thing in this league because those +st picks went like hotcakes. I'm not really on board, but human linemen are good enough that this is a fine player for the price tag. I can see it as a first round pick - +st linemen are in fairly short supply and some teams will probably snap them up quickly in the first few rounds. Charlton Veston is a good all rounder that doesn't really seem like second round pick material to me. The pair of 145 club blitzers is unimaginative, but the same thing I would do. One has bt in place of guard, so a little mobility over greater guard density. With 620 of the cap spent, we have two blitzers to go, 8 players total, and about 60% of the cap left.
tackle: 2
guard: 1
mighty blow: 2
stats: 3
I don't think we've seen Buffalo's hand yet, or if we have I'm not impressed. Thrower Charlton Veston (b, d, mv, mv) is a nice player but he's hardly reliable and isn't going to win games on his own. Vanilla blitzers are very important to the team but they need something to support. I would expect them to draft at least one more playmaker. I'll be interested to see what sort of lino lineup they go with - standard all block? foul spam? Only time will tell.
Int: That seemed overly dramatic. And roasted them with all the force of a raging match.
OW: *shrug*
Int: *sigh* Our next team is Tennessee, the only other team who drafted an early ogre!
OW: Yeah, Pritchett (b, g, t, mb, bt, +ma) was my mistake. As I imagined this league, ogre value seems to go way up. They're easily the toughest player on the team and it's not close, and their main weakness is that basic skills take forever to get. I imagined ogres would go quite fast, since there's a very limited number of them. I was wrong about that.
Jimm Stillwagon (b, g, pro) is just a great deal because he's got a nearly perfect skill lineup and comes a bit cheaper than normal.
Zac Stacey (+st, block) is an interesting catcher pick, bringing some versatility and scoring potential with a salary similar to a blitzer. Some very spicy blitzer picks with Marcus Easly (blodge, +ag) and Joel Person (frenzy, ss). Tennessee seems to be building toward more of a mobile disruptive playstyle with sideline threat and high ma scorers. With 705 of the cap spent, they're flying a bit close to the sun. They also haven't built a lot of fundamentals; for example,
guard: 1
tackle: 0
mighty blow: 1
stats: 2
I'm not convinced this will be the best long term strategy -
Int: (whisper) roasting!
OW: - ... - Tennessee is fighting a losing battle here, and I predict that by the end of their second season the last of their tired, wounded playmakers retires without a single title to their name. This league is going to be all about bash with a smattering of agility. Overcommitting to a snowflake theme is a rookie move, and Tennesee Coach should be ashamed of themselves. Back in my day, we would have taken that coach out by the barn and beat 'im round the circle a few times to knock some sense into him. Ahh, things were simpler back then...
Int: Dude, you're like, 40. What are you talking about?
OW: Don't yuck my yum, man. This is parody anyway. You must think I'm qualified to analyze a draft, too.
Int: Well whatever. Moving on. What do you think about Houston?
OW: This guy must be compensating for something, because he drafted 3 +st. Brilliant drafting, or cap suicide?
I'm not as high on +st as other people seem to be. It's good, sure, but it's the equivalent of 4 normal skills or a whopping 8 random primary skills and I don't think it provides that much value very easily on the pitch. On your star player? It's expensive, but will prove it's worth over and over again. But 3 +st for a total of 12 normal skills or 24 random primaries worth of tv? Sure, with enough str advantage you can minimize blocks against, but I question how possible that will even be. Ogres are going to be all over, guard will be all over, and mighty blow will be all over. It won't be as efficient, but opponents will get the glove and the boot in regardless of how much +str is on the field.
tackle: 0
guard: 1
mighty blow: 0
stats: 4
This guy clearly has more enthusiam than sense, and I have to admit I can feel the appeal. Everyone likes a dream, right? The best part is right at the end when it crashes and burns in slow motion, with nice poignant music to accompany it. Which is the fate I fully expect to befall this befuddled half-wit upon whom someone betowed the power of choice. Is that elder abuse?
OW: *stares meaningfully at Interviewer*
Int: (w) What?
OW: (w) sick burn, right?
Int: (w) What the hell do you mean, sick burn? You sound like an 18th century sycophantic merchant trying to impress the king of England.
OW: (w) Why don't you do it then?
Int: *cracks knuckles* (w) Watch and learn.
OW: *shrugs* And with that, we're on to LA. Thrower Shane Jones (b, d, mb, +st) is an interesting pick because what he brings *is* good - but is it that good? If he were a blitzer he could easily pick up guard and mighty blow or tackle and guard next, but these aren't great options for Shane. I'm not convinced that a mv 6 player is worth 240k, even with useful skills. He's a very reliable ball carrier who can pretty easily get the ball to a receiver upfield, but at what price? 240k in the backfield? Dodge is great but much better on agi 2+. Those spps are a nice touch and I would expect to see tackle next. Frankly not a fan of this pick. Blitzer Tyler Kozlowski (t, mb, g) is another stud from the 145 club, and with 22 spps he's primed to roll for a stat or round out his toolkit. I'm a big fan of stand firm. Anvil Ironsides (mb, g, k) is a bargain lineman for sure, but he's very unfocused and vulnerable. Guard makes him a target, MB and kick amplify that, and the lack of block or dodge makes my ass itch. He's at 11spp, which is just one more casualty away from the next skill than I would have liked to have seen. This coach clearly has no idea what he's doing. Finally, Blitzer Zac Zielinski (g, t, mb) is another vagrant from the 145 club. With 25 spps, he has quite a few options. So this guy has a total hardon for weird snowflake linemen and then drafts completely vanilla blitzers to support them? Seems sus. At least this team has some fundamentals down.
Tackle: 2
mb: 3
guard: 3
stats: 1
Int: (w) hey quit it with the roasting, it's my turn
OW: (w) once you start the fire, you can't put it out my friend
Int: grrrr....
OW: This team is running lean at 650 cap for 4 players, so the likelihood that something resembling coherent planning will stand out later is moderate. I'm not going to hold my breath, though.
OW: And with the analysis portion over, it's back to you Interviewer.
Int: This guy is the worst. He's the worst of the worst. He isn't fit to lick the shit fr-
OW: Whoa there, that's going too far.
Int: Yeah, you're right.
... But that's not the point. This guy is such a tool, Yo Mamma used him as a vibrator and didn't even notice it was him. This guy is such a fool, he read through this whole heap of bullshit and didn't even realize how bad it was. THIS GUY IS SUCH A NERD, HE CARES ABOUT A FAKE ONLINE COPY OF A DEAD GAME ENOUGH TO COME READ THIS UTTERLY TRASHY HORSEHIT!
(at this time, a primal scream of rage erupts from the Interviewer, and he charges off in fury)
OW: ... I feel like he was just trying to roast me...
(several seconds of silence.)
OW: I don't think he's coming back.
(sudden cut to commercial break)
(Large, smiling man, clearly a paragon of the "aging American Male" demographic subgroup - paunch around the middle from a deep and abiding love of food, wrinkles from stress (and some from smiling, too), and several undiagnosed health issues.)
"My name's Mike, and I always use DevilPine to color my hair. Derived from the dingle berries of Albanian Devil Dogs, this naturally refined dye gets that "glory days" black back into my hair every time. The patented "devil pine sap" gives my hair that strength, virility, and volume I enjoyed in my younger days, so I can stand with back tall and my paunch sucked in when I twirl the missus.
DevilPine - It's as Devilish as it is Sappy.
*SomerestrictionsapplyalwaysuseDevilPineWashAwayreleaseoryoumayexperienceeyegoodingleberriescancerofthethyroidextremelybadtemperhivesandsexualambiguityseemanualfordetailsDevilPineisnotresponsibleforanysideeffectsofthisproduct*
(Soul sucking commercials continue for several minutes)
OW: Well, I guess I'm on my own. On to Cincinatti.
At 565 cap spent, Cincinnati is running as one of the leanest builds so far. Which is good, as these pansies are going to need a deep treasury when they get run over by the killers.
Thrower John Barrowman (+pa, +ag, accurate, 19 spps) is obviously a fantastic pick. I would expect block as a 4th skill. I don't really agree with him as a first pick, and as we see from the rest of the 4 player core, this coach has a hard on for elves and thinks they'll be good in this league. I really think that he's not respecting how much tackle, mighty blow, and guard there will be around, nor how much boot will be thrown. Barrowman and Zorn Hunter (wrestle, leap, +ag, 18 spps) look good on paper, but scoring in 2 turns doesn't help you if you start the 2nd half at 1-1 with 5 players on the field. Of course Zorn is also skilled in the art of the ball steal, which is why I predict it now - dead before the end of the season from a failed leap.
The reason elves are so good is because they're all elves, and no amount of wishing can make this league into elfball. Wake up and smell the blood pudding Cincinnati! It's likely to be made from yours, if you're not careful.
Budget blitzer Nail Diggs (mb, jump up, t) and super budget blitzer Moe Gands (g) are confusing picks, both because there were plenty of (mb, t, g) blitzers left, and because saving cap on budget blitzers is so good to spend it on... what? Catchers are mostly good out of the gate for raw scoring power, there were only a couple of notable throwers, and no one seems to care about ogres. Are you going to fill out your cap with deluxe linemen for the ultimate lineman team?
Hardon for elves? Check. Super snowflake? check. Has no idea of the wrecking ball that's going to hit him around game 4-5? check. We'd probably be friends, because you're as enthusiastically delusional as I am! But you're still making a snowflake build and ignoring fundamentals, so we can clearly never be friends.
Tackle: 1
wrestle: 1
mighty blow: 1
guard: 1
Yeah you've only spent 565 of your cap, but what are you going to fill the rest of it with? Me doth smell the odious whiff of mediocrity sallying forth through the hollow, echoing hallways of your drafting strategy, charlatan! May gremlins steal all of your forks and sprinkle your toothbrush with cayenne pepper.
And for our final chapter of this segment, we're going to visit Providence, Rhode Island, the smallest and most insignificant state in the union. With 560 of their cap spent, this coach is opting for a small and insignificant early investment. First picking catcher Kealoha Pilares (b, ss, mv) is a humiliating window into their volume of drafting experience and a hilariously naive vote of confidence for agi 3+ one turners. But, such small dreams behoove a team from a state of similar stature. Blitzer Austin Collie (mb, g, t, +mv) is a similarly uninspiring pick, being one of the few blitzers that are neither exceptional NOR have any appreciable amount of spps. Truly the worst of both worlds. Kevin Poles (mb, t, strip, 20 spps) also manages to be a jack of all trades but master of none, lacking break tackle for strip ball synergies and guard for tackle/mb synergies. Finally Mash Skull (g, mb, 14 spp) is probably a fine, but unimaginative, pick. With three blitzers chosen, The core of this team seems unfocused and without heart.
Has this coach ever drafted before? Because if they have, it's probably better for everyone if they don't admit it.
tackle: 2
guard: 2
mighty blow: 3
stats: 1
... those last ones were actually quite fine picks I have to admit, except for the catcher round 1. That really was a noob draft. Roasting people is hard!
Well, that's all for today folks. I'll be back tomorrow with the Int-... well, I'll be back tomorrow for more colorful antics. Thanks to the CABALVision Network for hosting this roast.
SOUL SUCKING COMMERCIALS. SO MANY SOUL SUCKING COMMERCIALS. BUY THESE THINGS!!! BUY THEM NOW!! |
Last edited by oryx on Jun 11, 2024; edited 6 times in total |
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oryx
Joined: Jun 08, 2005
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| Posted:
Jun 11, 2024 - 06:33 |
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Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen and Non-Binary Humans, and all the rest of you, welcome back to Roasted by Oryx, your weekly dose of questionable humor and even more questionable draft commentary. We're back today with a special host for your viewing enjoyment - Please welcome Young Naruto to the show!
Naruto: I'm gonna do a great job of this! Believe it!
OW: Oh man, to be honest I'm a big fan. That time you fought with Pain, that was...
Naruto, squinting angrily: Fighting with pain? What are you talking about? I didn't eat anything bad today.
OW: *oh, it's THIS naruto. Crap!*
Naruto: Well, that was kinda weird but anyway let's get started. What do...
(reads from card) think... of... the teams?
OW: *I forgot how dumb he is at the start of the show* Yes, well, next up is Pittsburgh. Thrower Bill Gembala (b, d, +ag, 5 SPP) is a solid ball carrier with a high price tag. The movement is low for me, but throwers are pretty good at getting the ball where it needs to go so I guess it can be forgiven. I still question how pivotal throwers will be in this meta, but the proof is in the pudding and we won't really know until games play out.
Lineman Spew Pastorino (block, dp (R), 0 spp) was also on my shortlist of good linemen, and I think it's a solid pick. Discounted heavily and ready to race for dp, Spew is a legend in the making.
Naruto: (scratches head and squints) I don't really understand any of this, but this guy sounds pretty dumb.
OW: *He doesn't even know how to play blood bowl! I'm just going to ignore him* The irony is biting. Bill Bartworth (g (R),b, d, 7 spps) is a solid lineman with a nice discount, although little spp. A high price to pay for a lineman, and that will bite Pittsburgh later once it comes time to hire blitzers or an ogre.
Pittsburgh's final draft of the core four is actually it's best pick, in my opinion. I'm not sold on all these fancy linemen, because movement and skill stacking are king, so bring on the blitzers. Dillon Van Der Wal (d, t, mb, 19 spps) is a great blitzer with enough spps to fill out his toolbox or save for a stat.
guard: 1
tackle: 1
mb: 1
blodgers: 3
stats: 1
All of Pittsburgh's choices are quite reasonable, but I think they left pearls in the sand in their hurry to claim the clams. Only time will tell.
Naruto: What? I thought I was following you, but then you started talking about pearls and clams and now I'm really lost. Who are you anyway, mister?
OW: And now we've reached Philly. This cadwalloping crew of cantankerous camel cursers continuously courts calamity. The draft pick slips they filled out have all been ceremoniously burned as an offering, nay a PRAYER, to Nuffle to save us from being infected with their madness. As they walk through the halls, others shy away in fear yet stare with horrified curiousity.
guard: ???
tackle: ???
mb: ???
blodgers: ???
stats: ???
This crazy train is definitely off the rails, and I expect a crash n burn in short order.
Naruto: That sure was a lot of words, but I really don't know what they mean.
OW: Austin's first pick was catcher Troy Smith (+ag. +ag). It's a solid pick, although hard to protect. He's drafted the skeleton of a support network with playmaking blitzer Keith Adder (frenzy, d, +mv, +ag) and support blitzer David Silkerson (sf, mb, g, t, 9 spps). I personally think that drafting catcher brian jaredth (b, +ag) 4th is utter folly on a 12 man team, since basically every opponent is going to have minimum 2 mb/t blitzers. We'll have to see what direction they go for more commentary. The blitzers are solid, but 2 catchers with +ag is one too many in my opinion.
guard: 1
tackle: 1
mb: 1
blodgers: 2
stats: 5
Naruto: Hey mister, are you even listening to me? What the hell are you talking about anyway?
OW: *uh oh, he's getting a little agitated* We probably shouldn't talk about Minnesota, since most of the players I drafted are gone from the team now, but I'll at least roast my decisions. Frank Reddic (t, sh, +mv, +ag, +ag) is aboslutely worth it - that guy will easily score so many touchdowns, and turn so many bounces into points. Ogre Matthew Pritchett(b, g, bt, t, +mv) was a total noob move, for which I earn the title "Clearly Desiring of Bloated Ogres." I assure you it's all foul rumors, but you'll have to decide for yourself.
guard: 2
tackle: 3
mb: 2
blodgers: 1
stats: 4
I like pritchett because he has a full toolkit (minus defensive, but I forgot about that skill) and he's easily the toughest player on my team. Break tackle and +mv makes him a realistic threat to many different areas of the board, and he has all the normal skills I want my blitzers to have.
He was a noob pick because basically no one prioritized ogres and I could have easily picked a good one up in a middle round. I traded two very reasonable picks to get 3 picks close together early on, and wasted one on a player no one wanted. I didn't realize that until after I had given up the franchise, but I'm glad I won't have to suffer for it now!
Sawblade Lee (d, g (R), sf, t) was also a terrible pick, because he doesn't have mb or enough spps to get it, but I got confused when I realized that a lot of players had significant amounts of spps on them. Yeah, definitely didn't realize that until like the 3rd round. For that I earn the title "6th Place in the Dumbest Smart Person Contest." I was thinking about budget and trying to snag any hot high cost items while I still had earlyish picks, but I was just so wrong. Should have drafted like Sans Friends
Billy Gruff (bt, mb, strip, 24 spps) is solid. At first I didn't like the lack of guard, because of the synergy between bt/g/strip, and after round 3 I realized I could just take guard with his spps. No tackle, which is disappointing, but a mobile and threatening blitzer who still fulfills my support goals of guard and mb.
But he was a bad pick, and for that I earn the title, "Sad Beaten Bridge Troll with No Friends."
Naruto: HEY MISTER, LISTEN TO ME! YOU MAY NOT THINK I LOOK LIKE MUCH, BUT SOMEDAY I'M GONNA BE HOKAGE AND EVERYONE WILL HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME!
OW: Well this is just a pain in my ass. Can't I just talk without an interviewer?
At that moment, security comes in. Naruto runs off and out of the room.
OW: Jeez. That's two in a row!
OW: On to Seattle! Overall a solid draft, and looking better than most so far. First pick blitzer Brother Ryan(d, frenzy, +st, 0 spps) is an obvious shoe-in for +st stans. I still don't see it - frenzy is a nice discount tackle, but 225 is a lot for a guy with no guard, no mighty blow, no tackle. He'll be a monster someday, but right now he's just pretty good.
His draft strategy is solid though - he followed his trophy pick with 2 g/mb blitzers with 24 spps and a catcher with ss and +ag. A catcher doesn't need much to be amazing, and most teams will have room - for one.
guard: 2
tackle: 0
mb: 2
blodgers: 1
stats: 2
We'll see where this team develops.
*sounds of fighting drift in from the next room*
Our next roast is Tequila Bay. An apt name, because this guy was clearly drinking on the draft. A shared obsession with strong men, a penchant for drafting *linemen* with a bunch of skills, and a fierce love of spirits unite an ragged bunch of ne'er-do-wells within FDL who besmirch the good name of drafting everywhere with bloated lineman first picks [Mark Mazzaromo, b, g, +st] and pointlessly overstatted [Skelland Crossbonies, mb, shadowing, +mv, +mv] second picks.
guard: 3
tackle: 1
mb: 1
blodgers: 2
stats: 3
I suppose I can't fault him too heavily for his next pair of value blitzers, Cris Warner (d, g, 18 spps) and Thin Lizzy (g, t, 18 spps) although (d,g) What will the future hold? I can't say I care because then it wouldn't be roasting you. Luckily, there's no such boundary on saying I don't, so I stand loud and proud: Who the hell gives a flying fuck about tequila bay's next draft choices? My echo is my only companion in the evening silence.
*faint yelling* Because that's my Ninja Way!
And there you have it, unassailable proof that no one cares.
It's too hard to roast San Fran, because they basically drafted perfectly. Mark Hinkley (g, t, +st, 0 spps) is definitely one of the top 3 blitzers, with the key combo of str and guard. Ryan Fitzofstone (g, mb, 24 spps) and Mysta Gnomad (g, mb, 18 spps) are cheap in cap and versatile in loadout. I have to admit I didn't see this play, but I also didn't realize players had large numbers of spps until the third round, soo..... yeah. That happened.
guard: 2
tackle: 1
mb: 3
blodgers: 3
stats: 1
Finally Alex Croxwaite (mb, frenzy, bt, 18 spps) is a great killer blitzer with access to tackle or guard. Just like the other two, he's cheap in cap and versatile in loadout.
Since I can't roast the team or the strategy, all that's left is the coach. His arrogant smugness might be justified, but it smells slightly worse than a warm draft of durian on a hot summer day. With Nuffle as my witness, I pray - May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! Your play is so good that I propose a ban on you in your honor. Leave behind the life of blood bowl, mighty genius, and leave us mortals to our squabbles. Thank you, O Perceptive One, for showing the rest of us the error of our ways. May your perfectness be pierced only by tiny pimples in the most awkward places.
*a sound of many voices from the next room* Shadow Clone Harem Jutsu! *followed by thuds*
OW: Uhh... I'd better get out of here. That's all for today, ladies and gents! Until next time...
(who hired me, anyway?)
(if anyone is salty, remember two things: I don't know who coaches *most* of these teams and
I'm working a lot this week, so I have very little time to edit this. Cheers!) |
Last edited by oryx on Jun 14, 2024; edited 6 times in total |
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oryx
Joined: Jun 08, 2005
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| Posted:
Jun 11, 2024 - 06:33 |
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comment 2 |
Last edited by oryx on Jun 14, 2024; edited 2 times in total |
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oryx
Joined: Jun 08, 2005
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| Posted:
Jun 11, 2024 - 06:34 |
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oryx
Joined: Jun 08, 2005
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Jun 11, 2024 - 06:34 |
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oryx
Joined: Jun 08, 2005
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| Posted:
Jun 11, 2024 - 06:34 |
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sarausa
Joined: Sep 30, 2024
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| Posted:
Sep 30, 2024 - 04:17 |
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