To whom it may concern at FUMBBL:

Recently I have been overwhelmed with "hate
mail" from your subscribers. I would greatly appreciate you passing on my sincere condolences for all of the AV 10 Black Orcs with niggling injuries, failed pick-ups by sure-handed Wardancers, Bull Centaur deaths-by-go-for-it, and the many fans who have killed your coaches' players before the opening kick off (however I do not appologize for the thousands of goblins eaten by trolls -- that's still funny).

There has been much acusation that I am "broken" or "disfunctional" or otherwise biased. I can assure you that as a god, this is not possible. Rest assured that I have many faithful underlings with calculators working very hard to improve my image as a fair and benevolent overlord and controller of fate.

Further, allow me to reiterate that my ire (fairly and randomly placed as it is) might be appeased with much beer and sacrificial virgins.

Let your subscribers know that I am truly greatful for their eternal support and uncontrollable urge to return to their hourly 16-turn flogging.

With dearest regards,
Nuffle