“The kickoff was quickly followed by a not entirely unexpected stabfest that quickly took care of some of my better players. In the ensuing chaos I can't remember if Fizzle blew himself up or got stabbed off the pitch, talented groin stamper Buck Zake got his long overdue death and the rest of the team spent the game struggling to survive with depleted numbers. We did manage to steal the ball away and make a desperate dash over the line but we couldn't compete with the Eshin. Even our star player turned out to be next to useless as he'd forgotten to fuel up his chainsaw and was spotted by the ref waving it around and swearing. We'll be back though, thanks for a fun match!”