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WARNING WARNING WARNING

This match report may contain language that you find distasteful.

If you are easily offended, sensitive, have no sense of humour, or have had something tragic happen to yourself or a loved one then look away now in case you have a reaction to something in the report.

The following terms may or may not be used in the following match report:

Assault
Bad coaching
Bad luck
Bash
Block
Bloody
Crap
Crud
Death
Dice
Dice rape
Hit
Kill
Lucker
Lucky
Murder
Smash
Splatt
Unlucky
Useless
Whiner
Whining
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Handicaps were:

Palmed Coin
Morleys
Illegal Drugs
Smelling Salts
Doom and Gloom

Well this game was a dice rape pure and simple. Firstly I had the extreme bad luck of having a near perfect draw of handicaps removed because my 2 year old daughter switched off the power just before the kick! Instead of Smelling Salts and Doom and Gloom, I had Get the Ref2 and Duh Where Am I. The restarted game was incredibly close (even Valdrek niggling as well) but Doom and Gloom was costly as I had one of the worse dice rolling episodes in FUMBBL history.

First I got blitzed. I manage to save the ball but then stun myself on a GFI near the endzone. Then I had 1s and double skulls over and over and over again. Some turns in the first half my entire turn was a block which netted a double skulls.

My opponent stalls the entire first half as my players are all out of position, I have no rerolls and I keep failing dodges. He also gets two casualties on me, one on a one dice pow. I fail a dodge and get a -MA and use my apothecary.

I have a chance to blitz his ball carrier by using a chain push back move. I spent a lot of time setting it up, but near the end, I click Blitz instead of move with my Leaper and stuff it all up.

Finally he scores on turn 8 and it is 0-1.

Partway into the second half, the luck was 47 me 67 him. Eventually the dice rolls became a bit fairer but it was too late.

Second half my opponent starts in offence again he gets the ball and stalls. I foul two of his players (KO twice) and still he keeps stalling. Finally he scores on turn 5.

I have 3 turns left to score a consolation TD. A rock knocks one of his players over and I have a chance. My hand off - snake eyes and no TD.
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That was the worst game of javabowl I have had in a long time. My opponent stalled for a long long time which made the game completely boring and un-necessary given I had nowhere near as much Guard or Tackle as he did and no Throwers. Was a very boring game and not one I enjoyed. I don't mind losing, but playing against a coach who has no regard for the fun of the other coach when the game is won is just not the sort of opponent I want to play again.
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Addendum - My opponent says I do not even try to attack the cage in the first half. With what? I can't dodge, can't block can't do anything. I am 3 players down, no rerolls, I roll double skulls and end my turns at least twice on the first player that moved.

Again in the second half my players were spread out and using the fouls to try and force you to score. Once those players were gone, then I had the numbers to encourage a TD. I still could not force a score, you had a Str5 player caged. What could I do differently? Send more players down 1-2 turns earlier and let you pick off a player each turn I have limited tacklers? Most I could do was make you consider scoring 1 turn earlier. I could not force a score as you had more Guard and a Str5 ball carrier, and I had an AV6 Witch to protect. Thank goodness she is at 174 SPP so she can become a legend, niggle and I can fire her ass.
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