“----
WARNING WARNING WARNING

This match report may contain language that you find distasteful.

If you are easily offended, sensitive, have no sense of humour, or have had something tragic happen to yourself or a loved one then look away now in case you have a reaction to something in the report.

The following terms may or may not be used in the following match report:

Assault
Bad coaching
Bad luck
Bash
Block
Bloody
Crap
Crud
Death
Dice
Dice rape
Hit
Kill
Lucker
Lucky
Murder
Smash
Splatt
Unlucky
Useless
Whiner
Whining
------------------
Well this was always going to be a likely loss, with 2 players MNG including my Legend Valdrek and giving away 5 handicaps to a super TS 287 team but it turned into a dice rape of epic proportions heh.

Handicaps were:

Doom and Gloom
Knuckle Dusters
Extra Training
Illegal Drugs
I Am the Greatest

The handicaps were very effective with Greatest forcing me to bench one great player each drive (AG 5 or Str 4) and the Doom and Gloom was very helpful too.

The match started in wet conditions with the Falcons receiving. At the start of my second turn, I move a player to block up my opponent's access. 2+ Dodge fine. 2+ Dodge - snake eyes. End of turn on first action. Opponent blitzes me and I lose the ball and concede a TD.

My drive. Opponent gets Perfect Defence which he does not use. I do manage a score with the AG5 player which is amazing considering how many snakes and double skulls I had already clocked up by then.

Opponent's drive. Quick Snap. He sets up a score with his AG5 brigade. My drive. Double skulls or something and I am under pressure again and lose the ball again and concede a third TD.

Second half is similar. I kept rolling double 1s or double skulls. Or a 1 to leap. Setting up a steal on the ball, double 1.

I got blitzed. I got a niggled player from a failed 3+ dodge with reroll.

I had no chance this game with the one sided dice rolling. The scoreline was made a bit uglier by my attempt to do a more difficult pass with a lineman than a safer pass with my Thrower. 3+ hand off, 2+ dodge and 3+ pass and I got 2 failures out of those 3 rolls.

Anyways this was dice rape at its worst, surprised no one died on my team. Niggler claimed the MVP too.

My opponent had the better team and pretty much 90% of the luck. Nothing I could do today. Watch the reply and count the double skulls and snakes heh.

My opponent however was a good sport and didn't try to kill my team whilst my face was in the mud so that was appreciated.

Also this game set a new gate record. Not exactly the srot of game to be remembered by the Falcons though heh.”