“Extract from Lord Catatonia's "Letter's from a Blasted Realm"

....If there is one thing worse than an elf, it's a high-elf, and if there is two thing worse than an elf, it is a Bretonnian. So a full team of Bretonnian high-elves is 20 or 30 times worse than a single normal elf. As the effeminate ones taunted us haughtily, our beastlymens became agitated, rolling their eyes and drooling. Some of them, clearly expecting rain, sat down. I summoned all my powers of leadership and drove the herd to the gaming pen. Joining the knights on the frontline was the latest to head the call to the banner of the chaos wheel, the infamous Dale the Brewer. I had bidden him to ferment some wood alcohol, knowing it to be the most potent. Many of the team had partaken readily before the match, and it was clear to me, when I squinted, that many of our player had lost their sight.

Those prancing queens wasted no time in hoping across the field to score a touchdown early. And when the ball, kicked unto us on restart was safely guarded within a tight formation of our number we tried to press forward en masse. Standoffish, the high-elves held us at arms length, and our initial fury was smoothered into what they may have called a "detente". Yet in the calm, attacking like the tongue of a chameleon striking out at a juicy beetle, the elves laid about the noble Lord Gauze. We all felt the sundering of his scrap-iron armour as his head hit the floor. Oh tireseome day! Thus ended the first four and a half ninths of the match. The second half had us receiving the prolate spheroid again, but once more, we were unable to press the attack through the lines. These overgrown hedge pixies, puffed-up with their own graces, were denying my warriors the run of the pitch. For one moment, perhaps, Lametop threatened to break free and make a run. But the eyes of the players, so addled by wychy-woodie grog, on the verge of madness, could not hold on to the ball, and match ended with a frantic scrambling for the lost ball. I have decided to ban alcohol before matches, but then we are a chaos team, and I insist they all break the rule. Down with Law!
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