“OOC: A nice chap, slightly on the elf side for me but hey!

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This match bodes to be a corker ladies and gentlemen, a fully fledged Wood Elf side have mosied into town, and have challenged the raging beast which is the DWO. DWO are just off the back of a dominant 2-0 win over a Pro Elf side and hopes were high even though their opponents had Elven agility and a few more games under their belt than their Human counterparts.

Donny Diamond, the Living Nightmare, had to sit this game out due to a nasty injury which he only brought upon himself, by doing steriods before his first game. That meant that Donny was available for extremely biased cold hearted commentary all throughout both halves....

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Match report:

Lining up and kicking first were the DWO and they kicked deep to a very unbalanced Wood Elf line up, who had their numbers concentrated on the near side of play.

Donny: "Sneaky poncy Wood Elves deserve a smashing for trying that, They deserve to feel the cold chill of the grave late at night! I wish I was out there today, I would show them what is what!"

Luckily Donny's teammates also noticed this sharpish and as the kick hung in the air, they scrambled for position to block off the nimble Elves and make it hard for the Loth Lorien inhabitants. Unfortunately, all matter of trickery and double plays sent the DWO lads the wrong way and the Elves capitalised early on with a score, dodging away from Lithium and Draven, who tried to pressurise but failed to make a difference.

Donny: "We need to hit back hard and fast or else we will slip away early here. There's too much commital of bodies on the line, we need to defend deeper and not get caught on a break. The only breaks out there should be bones and armour!"

Seconds later the stadium was thrown into turmoil as they agreed so much with Donny's commentary over the PA that they decided to charge the pitch and suceeded in catching no less than 4 Wood Elves, leaving the DWO in a good position. Charging and pushing down the middle, the blitzers and linemen all formed up in a loose cage, a pocket around Lithium, the DWO catcher, as The Real Deal plucked up the ball and picked her out.

Donny: "We should score here, Lithium is quick for a woman..."

Quick defence from the Elves pushed Lithium out of range of scoring but inspiration and a lot of blocking led an open path for Lithium to drop the ball in the hands of star blitzer, Draven, who accepted with thanks and plunged over the line to the joy of the whole side and most of the crowd.

Donny: "SCORE! All square!"

Another smart position from the Wood Elves left them in charge after the kick off, still only half way into the first half. Rainer took a hard blow and was left in the injured box, luckily not badly but would miss the rest of the game. Shocked by the quiet stalwart's injury, the rest of the DWO seemed to let their concetration slip and even though they crowded the ball on the ground, it scattered cruelly into the clutches of an Elf, who launched it down field to secure the lead once more, even though Draven and Omega did their best to catch a scattering ball, only for it ONCE AGAIN, to drop at the feet of an elf who pounced to score.

Donny: "That's just pure cruelty, not the type of cruelty that I encourage, not the bone crunching, life ending cruelty, but the cruelt brought about by some uneven pitch playing up!"

The first half ended fruitlessly, as the DWO were all set to pull level again, but the egotistical Real Deal, must have been fixing his hair instead of plucking the ball off the ground.

Donny: "I'll sort that idiot out in training, just you wait and see...."

With the second half, DWO fans must have been wishing for a second wind, another chance to push on and draw level with the exceedingly agile Wood Elves, and again they ran onto the pitch, taking out another two Elves, hoping that their team would reply with another touchdown.

However, even though they started convincingly, opening up another pocket and knocking elves over everywhere, they were seconds from a score when Lithium failed to pull down a very short pass from TRD and the ball bounced away, you guessed it, to the feet of a welcoming Elf.

DWO scrambled and Kuff McSlade picked up a well deserved casualty, drumming the Wardancer to the ground when blitzed, luckily for the Elf, the apothecary was on hand to keep him on the pitch. Kuff then downed the ball carrier and all looked sweet for the moment, as the ball was surrounded by DWO players.

Donny: "Blitz! What a double shot from Kuff! They can't the ball from there..."

But of course, nothing is impossible and Lithium fell on the ball as she was knocked down by the fortunate to be on the pitch Wardancer, and the ball flew into the crowd. The crowd responded by hurling the ball right back into play, it landing at the feet of an Elf, recurring theme!

Donny: "Not again.... these guys will pay..."

Within seconds, the ball was in the endzone and the rout looked to be complete. Unfortunately it wasn't and the Elves scored again late on. As the DWO tried again to push forward, they were caught in possession, even after inventive misdirection from the sleek Draven. Again the ball was hurled up field, and even though it wasn't perfect, the Elves finally got the ball and rushed home.

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Post Match reactions:

All the DWO players seemed extremely dejected by the result and even the tabloids seemed to believe that there was more to this game than the scoreline showed. It just goes to show that Elves are a tricky bunch to handle when they have the pace and the ball handling skills that most of the DWO lack... Kaiowas was interviewed afterward, giving his side of the story:

Kaiowas: "It is beyond belief that we lost by that amount. At times you could just feel that whatever we did was gonna end with the ball on the floor, and some pansy Elf will breeze in, breeze out without even facing us man to man. It is without honour and respect... I would gladly mash each and everyone of their players in a one on one battle but we missed the presence of Donny, and didn't have our defensive tactics straight. I am seething that we have put an end to our unbeaten run so early but we have to live with that. We showed great inventiveness at times and scrambled well but we shouldn't need to scramble if we are set up right. I feel there were definitely more scores in us today and if luck had shone on us at the right times we could have had 2 or 3...."

Kaiowas looked an angry figure, holding back his distaste for what he could only take as a bad performance, it looks that way on paper... 4-1 destruction, but it was so much closer at times... The DWO will definitely learn from this experience even though none of them have played more than 2 hours of competitive Blood Bowl, they are a team which could do well. Deathly cold Donny Diamond had this to say before he went to re-join his side....

Donny: "I cannot suffer this again, and I will not allow it to happen, my teammates and I will come back stronger and confident enough to be able to destroy any future Wood Elf teams we come up against, all will suffer a monstrous fate if they are not wary. I Donny Diamond, the Living Nightmare, will make sure of this fact, The DWO will prevail!" ”