“So… there was me, a bunk bed, a poster of Orlando Bloom on the wall, a urine-encrusted toilet in the corner and some pale faced freak with slicked back black hair and wearing a cape eyeing me up! This is prison!

So I’m trying to stare at the floor all the while that I know that this goth in a gown is staring at me with his oddly hypnotic eyes, when the bat faced nerd finally breaks the ice and says “Fancy a suck?”

I mean really! Do I look like that kind of guy! I promptly put him in his place and told him I’m a one dog kinda guy… but that didn’t stop him leering, oh no. Luckily, it was early morning and the sun was flooding through the window creating a golden divide down the room… and as we all know, Goths hate daylight, so that was one line he dared not cross.

Luckily, Azuth came before nightfall and bailed me out… I love that little green guy and his never ending supply of mushrooms.

When I arrived at the stadium I was pleased to find that I’d been entered into the 1v1 tournament and what’s more, Dr. Acula II, the goth from prison, and been signed up as my opponent! At last I would reveal myself (not in the way he had to me earlier that day), at last I would have my revenge!

I could see that the goth was both shocked and scared to see me, the colour had drained from his entire body… now he was on my turf, and he knew it!

My new stalking skills ruled the day, and Dr Acula II was proven to be the pretender that he was, barely ever making it into my half let alone scoring! I trounced him 6-0!

Let this be a lesson to Goths everywhere!!! We don’t like you around here!


”