“It was good to get out of the pits at long last, but sweeter still was the fact that at some point during this tournament we might get to crack open some zombie skulls, we’d get to fight back against our captors. But not today, today we were to face Elves. Fine, then this would be a warm up match, an opportunity to scuff our knuckles and hone our bone breaking for the zombies – so before the first half we paid a visit to the referee and “gently” persuaded him to look the other way!

Bang! The ball was kicked off and no sooner had it hit the ground then we hit the elves. The scrawny dandies had no idea what hit them, our very first blow knocked one of them unconscious, the second and third on the line of scrimmage went down but they were still moving… so we put the boot in! Suddenly a piercing girly scream emanated from the dug outs, the opposing coach was protesting to the foul… what the hell… “No Fouling” he screamed, “No Fouling!”

As best we could we ignored his whining and continued to pound them into the dirt. “No Fouling! I don’t like fouling!” the effeminate tones sounded again!

By the second half we had all agreed to stop fouling lest our ear drums be pierced by the shrill sounds of the opposing coach – so we did, and we played ball!

As we reflected on the game afterwards we reasoned through great perplexity that it can’t have been the fact that we hit the elves whilst they were down that troubled our opponents so much, hell, they gave as good as they got, no – it must have been Hank's continual dumping off on the turf that bothered them so much… with that dodgy curry we had before the game we we’re making more toxic waste for those damn zombies!!!

We took two things from that game… a 2 – 0 victory, and our new team regalia!

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Sorry my opponent didn't enjoy the game, but I feel he'll see more fouling to come in this league.”