“A spirited match fought with implacable determination to cause mayhem, murder and extermination! Unfortunately, the coach of Bacterial Counterculture forgot to teach the trolls that in a match, one beats up and eats the opponent, rather than the goblins that they have been training against. When they could remember how to grab a goblin off the pitch, they usually remembered how to try and eat him.

As for the Chaotic Brew's side, the grim humourlessness of their playstyle was thankfully put to rest when the skies opened and the rain poured down. Narely a goaty or armoured hand could be laid on the ball during the torrential downpour, leading to the chaos to chase the ball about their end of the pitch, with goblins threatening to come close and get beaten to a pulp (a threat they followed through with, much to the amusement of the fans of both sides).

Both coaches claimed the game to be a stunning victory, though it must be said that the Bacterial Counterculture boss was actually watching a different match, and was quite drunk when he made his pronouncement.”