“In one of the most anticipated returns to blood bowl on this plane - paradocks re-emerges with a brand rotting new team after a quarter century hiatus.

The lawyers and match officials have managed to cut through all the red-tape to bring you this special treat. Many different parties were protesting that paradocks should be banned from professional blood bowl, due to his ongoing criminal court case and the wild stories being pumped out through the tabloids.

The Bumbertroff Brawn are a special blend of thug, sicko and petty criminal that were all personally hand picked by paradocks and head captain Almond Mogdee. 'Animal' Malanthi & Cantarb Aloris being the only members of the team with professional blood bowl experience, though Almond built a solid reputation for himself (along with past team mate Crash Symmatic) playing in the amateur Bumbertroff leagues.

The atmosphere inside the arena before kick-off was nuclear! The deafening screams of psychotic fans, the mind-numbing verses of christian crazies as they assembled in the thousands outside the arena in protest to the event, the repetitions of bomb blasts every few seconds as they attempted to explode any structure/vehicle/non-christian in sight. The news and sports channel's helicopters, along with the police looping overhead. Riot squads on the ground and security teams fighting to uphold some level of control, and desperately trying to clear the pitch just long enough for the opening whistle to be blown.

So.. the ball is about to be kicked off, the Bumbertroff Brawn are receiving, when of course.. hundreds of christian fanatics break through match security and storm the field. Almond Mogdee and Jeems Hanlik were the first to be savagely attacked, Almond has never been one to back down from a challenge but he was soon put down by the endless numbers of weapon wielding nuts. Infellus the beast of nurgle came to the aid of Almond but was soon overwhelmed by the numbers, and his tentacles taken to with a chainsaw. Flanny McJarken was soon attacked, followed by Ono Deucey, then they sweeped the back-field and easily incapacitated the only two Brawn members back there - Cantarb Aloris and Tramp Soomba. Of the 4 Bumbertroff players who survived the impromptu crusade, all of them are right on the line. An absolutely amazing kick-off from a skele lands the ball right in the endzone, Romo Middle sets off down field to retrieve the deep kick, meanwhile Lopeet and Animal scatter back in support for Romo. The rotter Crash Symmatic being the only Bumbertroff player still standing on the line.

The first priority of the eager khemri was to surround the nurgle beast Infellus with 8 guys and deal to him on the ground (while he was still in shock from the chainsaw crowd attack). Infellus gets rolled off the field like a shapeless blubbery mass of jelly, and the referee seems to be having a bit too much fun.

Now all the dazed Bumbertroff players are rising to their feet from the crowd animalism.. their general strategy seems to be 'scatter in all directions'. Romo has finally got back to his own endzone and he successfully scoops up the ball, to the roaring delight of the Bumbertroff supporters. On the front line Crash Symmatic dishes up a nice blitz to send a skele flying into the dirt seeing stars. Flanny McJarken was on the ground in the midst of a LoS struggle, locked up by a few unmentionables he manages to sneak out of harms way unnoticed over to the rather open left side flank of the field.

Kerrunch! The two mummies square off against Almond and Crash, the first mummy blocks - foul appearance negates him - he rerolls! - foul appearance negates him again!! The next mummy blitzes Crash, and this time the mummy strength overcomes the power of rott - Crash's early dominance comes to a halt in the knock out box.

With all the bashing on the front line taking place, the khemri's attention seems to have slipped from the ball carrier. Romo is lurking just outside his own endzone with the ball when he spots Flanny McJarken breaking away to the left. In a fantastic display of team work and natural talent; Romo makes his way up the field with great support from the retreating beastmen, offloads to Flanny who then takes the ball well into the opponent's half without a single khemri player defending their endzone. 'Animal' Malanthi in close support of the ball carrier then smashes the closest skele in sight right into the turf.

The khemri still don't seem too interested in the ball and first priority - the mummies both hit Almond but he takes both blocks and remains on his feet! Now some skeles try to scuttle after the ball.. Hyoid really puts the pace on to get back; he goes for it and nearly trips, reroll used - then in a great show of endurance goes for it again to gain some valuable ground.

Flanny hangs back now without advancing with the ball as his supporting players catch up to him and build a solid 4 point cage. The rotters are looking in good position here to score! Animal Malanthi goes one-on-one blocking a skele in a critical defensive play to keep the outer cage shielded. And the skele ends up in the dirt, as is usually the case when the 'Animal' is involved.

Predictably the khemri's #1 priority is for 'Sternum' the mummy to block Almond on the complete opposite side of the field to the ball. The khemri seem to be taking things very personal out here. Almond's foul appearance once again stops the steaming mad mummy in his tracks, and in an incredible tactical blunder; the coaching staff reroll this senseless 2 dice block with Sternum who doesn't even possess the block skill. Sternum scores a pushback for his efforts, and attempts to push Almond toward the sideline in a very weak-minded amateur style play that Almond of course saw straight through. Incredibly with the very next move we see the most incredible tactical blunder following the very last move; 'Cranium' (the other half to Sternum) goes in the completely wrong direction to most idiotically block the irrelevant beastman Jeems Hanlik towards the sideline, just like Sternum had done last move. The mummy is awarded another pushback for his efforts and keeps getting further and further away from where he should be. And most amazingly just when we think the khemri strategy can't get any worse... a skele goes down on a pow/skull instead of pushing back and allowing his skele teammate to take a very valuable move to put some more defense on the cage.

People are really starting to wonder just what exactly is wrong with the khemri coach's brain right about now, or is it that, his brain is ok but he's just so angry and frustrated that hes chosen to try and lose the game, so he can bash some rookie players instead??? Very very peculiar.

Now back to the game where the ball is - Lopeet easily blitzes through the seemingly non-existant khemri line of defence and Flanny runs the ball out of the cage in great scoring position now. All other rotter and khemri players on the field are currently tied up with no players free to chase the ball.

As predicted, the demented minds in the khemri coaching staff lead out with another most inconceivably idiotic irrelevant blocking play, a mummy two dice blocks Jeems Hanlik on the opposite sideline and scores a completely useless pow. The demented intelligence of the khemri team is now so apparent that many fans have lost interest in the game and are turning to other forms of entertainment to keep awake. As every skele on the field that has nothing to do with the ball chooses to move before the relevant players, of course any handover at this stage would automatically equal a loss of game for the khemri. But nonetheless they plod on with senseless two dice blocks with no block skill on their roster. Instead of moving players to mark the ball carrier they finish every irrelevant block on the field, and even then they choose to move a skele that has to GFI before moving other players within range. Most incredibly after all this; a skele comes in to get a one dice pow on the ball carrier. Flanny drops the ball and is put right on the sideline. The most unbelievably idiotic play continues the very next move as a skele carrys out a senseless one dice block before moving a free skele adjacent to the loose ball. It really is hard to figure out if the khemri coaching is trying to win or lose, or maybe neither. For the first time in the game we see the khemri penalised (or rewarded?) for their losing strategy and supremely unintelligent style of play. Cantarb Aloris pulls the stupid skele down with him and a turnover transpires.

The ball is now free right inside the khemri's quarter! Despite the khemri's incredible luck in the previous turn, it is still looking very likely the rotters will score here. The rotters setup a good play here but when Tramp Soomba comes in to pick the ball up, he fails the unmodified roll twice to induce a turnover. It looks like the demented brain activity from the khemri team has infected Tramp as he coughs up the game in a horrible blunder.

The khemri team is still trying as hard as they can to lose - with a mummy senselessly leading out the team's turn with an irrelevant blitz, as the ball just sits near their line unmarked. They carry out a few idiotic blocks before a skele tries to block Animal. Bad move by the skele, and he ends up badly hurt without regeneration (plus the turnover, which may or may not be a negative for the khemri team, as no-one has a clue what they're trying to achieve).

A little blocking takes place from the rotters securing the ball area. Cantarb Aloris makes a dodge from midfield and flys in for a blitz against a skele that was marking Tramp Soomba. In another amazing turn of consecutive bad luck the blitz is double skullzed, as any real chance to score goes down the gurgler.

The demented khemri team now crowd push Flanny McJarken for a knock out after a turn of successful dice rolls. Leaving no possibility for a last move score from the rotters as the half is ended in spectacularly awful fashion.

2ND HALF:

Crash Symmatic regains consciousness, but the nurgle beast Infellus will remain on the sideline - not being on the field for a single turn of the entire game. Flanny McJarken also remains on the sideline after the recent crowdpush.

A bad kick from Bumbertroff of course, resulting in a touchback (rather handy for a roster of 2 mummies and all skeletons). The heavy involvement of Nuffle is now clearly starting to bring down the Bumbertroff morale, but they suck it in like true professionals and prepare for another half of extremely unfair blood bowl - the way it's meant to be!

The beginning of the 2nd half grinds itself out slowly as the Bumbertroff defensive forces are stretched, the 2 rotters and 7 beastmen try to hold off 2 mummies and 8 skeles. Romo gets a fantastic break through early; killing off the pesky skele Hyoid in a brutal LoS war (with no regen), and the numbers are square again! Crash Symmatic follows up Romo's good work by landing Sternum the mummy on his ass, putting a halt to any khemri momentum. Just as things were starting to go Bumbertroff's way - Ono Deucey attempts to dodge from a mummy's grasp but fails and is knocked cold, Bumbertroff are down again to 9 vs. 8!

Khemri attempt to push foward with Cranium leading the way, he blitzes Almond but to no avail; again Almond's rock solid defenses hold off the mummy simply by appearance. Yet more unconscionable strategic errors are to take place this half from the khemri squad, as they'd done in the 1st half the foul appearance is rerolled for a 2db with no block skill as the first move of his turn, wow. Almond is pushed back after the mummy rerolls, it really will be hard for the khemri to win this match with his play that just seems designed to lose. Before the turn is finished more incredible coaching idiocy - as the skele who was awarded the touchback fouls Lopeet Ramjek in the middle of the field, but yet again the referee fails to do his job. Lopeet is stunned but it won't put Bumbertroff at any particuar disadvantage. Very very strange also considering that there were 2 spare players who hadn't yet moved who could've taken the foul instead. Who knows what (if anything) is going through the khemri coach's mind.

The ball carrier was left exposed after his very weak foul attempt, so Crash comes in with the blitz, the ball is knocked loose and the ball carrier stunned just for good measure. Tramp Soomba swoops around to guard the loose ball which landed behind the khemri's LoS.

Unbelievable! After a few successful blocks from the khemri team, he takes a blitz with Sternum against Romo, he gets double pushback and the supremely foolhardy coach makes yet again another huge tactical blunder using a reroll here for no real reason at all. So it's rerolled and now he's forced to take a pow/skull, resulting in an incredibly bad turnover when he had ball handling required later in the turn.

A great tactical turn from Bumbertroff sees the loose ball area locked down just inside the khemri's own half, and the skeles surrounded.

The khemri's first move - Sternum takes a blitz GFI off the ground from his pow/skull last turn. The Animal hits the dirt but he's ok. Cantarb Aloris hits the dirt next; courtesy of another mummy block. Though once again the khemri are targetting players that have no particular relevance to the current play, and these successful pows don't help them get any closer to retrieving the ball. Another successful skele block in the same turn sees that Jeems Hanlik is knocked out (after taking hits non-stop the whole game). Blocks are going well for the khemri, so another skele decides to make a 1db on Romo Middle, ooH pow! Romo Middle incurs a terrible broken set of ribs. The Bumbertroff Brawn are now down to 6 vs. 9 as we enter the fourth quarter of the match.

Bumbertroff don't seem too phased at their lack of numbers as they stay stuck in to the action. Crash and Almond clear the space around the loose ball for Lopeet Ramjek to dodge from a mummy to make a pushback blitz AND THEN a successful pickup.

Lopeet manages to stay upright while being jammed in the middle of the LoS for a couple of turns while absorbing a number of nasty blocks, before a skele finally brings him down with a pow/skull at the end of his 6th. The ball pops right into the mummy's hands as the crowd OOh and AAhh!

Cantarb Aloris brings in a nice blitz to knock out the only skele within likely scoring range, as the game will now most certainly be tied. Customary blocks are carried out while the clock ticks down, the khemri team not managing to move the ball over their halfway line as the Bumbertroff defence stays on full alert until the final whistle.

In a show of very weak sportsmanship; in the last minutes of the game the khemri gang up on a grounded Animal Malanthi while a mummy brings in a filthy foul. Thankfully the mummy targetted the most resilient player on the field, and solid ol' Animal receives a small stun only. Almond and Crash don't like their friend being ganged up on and vent a little steam with a great tag team move, as Crash knocks a skele to the ground and Almond comes in with a rotten foul.

And that's about all the action we have time for folks. Wow!! - what an epic clash. Stay tuned for Bumbertroff's fixture next week and I'll see you all later!”