“Game 1 of Season XX

The first game of a new season, our raw team promoted to the conferences face the daunting propest of a string of mismatches. Going in, Cheif Vitalstatistix just asked his boys to try and stay out of trouble. The season won't get any better if we shed warriors early on.

Our handicaps were inconsequential, keeping a zombie sidelined and Instantmix buzzing for the match.

On the Ecclesiarchs kick off the ball went sideline, away from our stacked left hand side so we were caught out of postion somewhat. Fulliautomatix blitzes downfield making a pathway for Prolix trying to get in a scoring position. Justforkix collects the ball on the sideline and passes back to Beefix. The undead mark up and Unhygenix gets KO'd by the crowd thanks to Glacial Wardens prompting. The Gauls scatter with Beefix taking the ball deep into their own territory. With all our players covered we have no option but to try a long pass from the backfield. Obelixcoidix clears away a zombie marking Metallurgix and Beefix makes the pass! Sadly the endzone is too far and Metallurgix trips up just short. The Walrus collects the ball safely, flanked by both the Wights.
In an amazing play, Prolix eludes one of the Wights, and with some help from a gaurding Metallurgix manages a single dice block on The Walrus. The Walrus goes down, Prolix dodges to retrieve the ball, picks it up under the nose of a wight, dodges away again..... and falls flat on his face in the endzone stretching for the last yard. The play deserved better in this scribes opinion.

The Penguin scoops up the thrown-in ball and advances to halfway. Fulliautomatix manages a bltiz on him though after Instantmix clears a bath with a lucky block. The Penguin won't go down though and the Gauls are the ones going down, to seven players as Drinklikafix gets concussed by Doketai Heresy. Codfix manages another blitz attempt next turn but The Penguin is too stanuch. Whosemoralsarelastix gets some broken ribs courtesy of the second mummy and the remaining six players await the inevitable touchdown. In a last gasp effort Instantmix manages to elude his marker though and with some help from a fortunate dodge by Codfix, manages to knock The Penguin down! But wait! At that very moment some dire necromancy causes the ball to disapper and the remainder of the first half sees the Gauls running for their lives as the undead focus their complete attention on the brave warriors.

No score at half time - surely a very unlikely draw is not on the cards? Alas no. Metallurix and Beefix stay in the dugout nursing sore heads so we can field only seven and we await the relentless grind that will see the undead score just at the games end. A poor kick sees Holy Sacrist getting the touchback with the undead necromancer clearly intent on him going all the way. With all our men down on the LOS we have no answers but manage to keep away from the dead ones. Whether Holy Sacrist made some disparaging remarks about his music I'm not sure, but Cacafonix proves its not only the warriors who are indomitable but knocking down the Mummy completely against the odds! It won't stop a TD but at least the Mummy won't be scoring. The Walrus calmly collects the ball shielded by a troupe of corpses and the Gauls can do no more than dance around aimlessly trying to stay out of harms way. A desperate late blitz by Justforkix comes to nothing and the undead rub our noses in it by handing off to a zombie who shambles in for a score.

This match report brought to you by Literarycritix, Team Scribe.


Twhanlows.

3 Points. The Walrus. Both the Ghouls were good, he was just a bit harder to knock over. Consistent handling effort.
2 Points. The Penguin. Something of a rock. Withstood a number of blitzes and when we did finally knock him over, I'm sure he swallowed the ball!
1 Point. Glacial Warden. A couple of nice crowd surfs (to no affect thankfully). Always a menace.”