“The coach began to splutter in the first half when the old fall back of throwing a goblin over the head of the tricksie Elves resulted in Grommett's death - Bruce forgot his own strength and squezzed the life out of his little mate.

Whilst very popular with the crowd and the Elfi players, this action was a precursor to an absolute drubbing with nasty elves dodging, passing and prancing about scoring multiple times with no response from the baffled and demoralised orcs.

The lack of morale fibre did not faze Foul Ol'Ron, who managed a nice double casualty, although the Elfi Apothecary managed to return the player to the field - much to the disgust of Slappa, who took his angst out on Elfo Contasoldi, who suffered a niggling injury as a result of a well-placed elbow/hip combination.

Following this latest in a string of defeats, the Coach has officially given up the worship of Mork and Gork (Ork Gods) as "if dey dont do nuttin for me, I don't do nuffin wiv dem", It is understood that Grommet's body was deposited in the donations tin at the local Shrine to Nuffle some time after the Coach made that announcement. Although slightly gnawed (Bruce was just making sure Grommet was really really dead), it is hoped that the sacrifice of the team's dinner will garner support from "on high" for their next game.”