“It truly is a Rare Day, Sons and Daughters, when the Monks of the rare order of Schnozzle take to the field in search of fame, glory, and money for a monastery furniture. But Lo! When The Most Holy do, They are VICTORIOUS.

The Schnozzling Horde experienced a few minor teething problems with the spindly little wood elves, but a concerted effort at prayer during the Pagan Pansies' turns proved eminently worthwhile - Pansy shoelaces sprung forth from their eyelets and elves stumbled to the sodden earth, one of whom badly hurting himself (We reckon it was a he, but he was long-haired and delicate, so We are willing to admit the possibility of mistake in this case) in the first couple of turns.

Our cunning two-turn-for-the-first-score strategy went awry in the second turn when Brother Bullet threw true but Brother Quick failed in His Duty to catch and score, despite a hole in the weedy elvin line having been opened by others amongst The Faithful. All was almost lost as the puny elves managed to pick up the ball-thing and chuck it up to a runner, but We soon sorted him out. He discovered the True Faith at the end of Our Holy Knuckles and handed over the ball, which was promptly chucked back up-pitch, only to be dropped AGAIN.

To cut a long story short, The Horde of Schnozzle pulled off a Righteous Win in the face of Unholy depravity and general weedy elfishness, We gave John a right good old kicking for scoring and daring to hurt The Faithful, and Brother Mulch was initiated into the Secret Order of "Kicking the Ball".

And to be honest (for We always are), We didn't really need Brother Sniffling Whelp anyway - the Faith was not strong with that one.”