“Before the match:

Captain Kleenex: “Er, hey, does Pvt. Booger look sick to you?”
Captain Nasonex: “Well, of course he does. It’s a mucus themed team. He is supposed to look sick!”
Captain Kleenex: (blowing his nose) “Well, YOU don’t look sick.”
Captain Nasonex: “I was hired for my patent on mucus prevention herbal remedies, just like you were hired for your patent on mucus treatment and cleanup. Pvt. Booger was hired for mucus production.”
Captain Kleenex: “Yeah, but he looks real sick. More than just mucus, he’s pale, listless…”
Captain Nasonex: “Shut up! The ringer is here! Get those performance enhancers we talked about!”
All thoughts of Private Booger’s appearance were forgotten as the team scrambled to prepare, and Griff Oberwald idol-worship took top priority.

Pre-match:

The rookie necromantic team didn’t like the looks of the humans’ center blitzer. In fact, he looked a lot like…Griff Oberwald! Only, bigger…as if jacked up on steroids or something.
Calon, the necromantic head coach necromancer objected: “Griff Oberwald? On steroids? These are supposed to be rookie teams in their debut match! That’s not fair!”
Griff Oberwald flashed a blindingly white smile that caused nearly half the maidens in the stands facing Griff to simultaneously swoon, and pointed to the team name printed in bright gemstone sequins across the front of his custom jersey: “What Snot Fair?”
The flesh golems’ eyes rolled far back in their heads, and both werewolves began to howl.
Unnoticed in the background, Pvt. Booger’s eyes glazed over, and he began to sway lightly on his feet, copious amounts of green snot oozing from nearly every orifice.

The match:

The two teams lined up, with Griff doing exaggerated stretches in the backfield, and the ball was kicked into play. Griff snatched up the ball in a single deft motion as the humans on the line began working the opposing team. Griff ran lightly around the left flank at top speed, and turned to flash another smile and wave the crowd. Then – disaster! An unlaced bodice, thrown onto the pitch by an adoring fan, caught in Griff’s cleats, and he tripped up and went down mightily, the ball spilling loose!

Eager to capitalize on the prone star, Softy charged over and placed a boot right in Griff’s prized grin, stunning him briefly.

“Stop them!” Howled What Snot Fair’s head coach, “Booger, do something! Hit somebody!”

Pvt. Booger, who had lumbered out to the line of scrimmage and stood there twitching, slowly turned to the nearest flesh golem, Gentle. Captain Nasonex gave him a little shove of encouragement, as he was moving very slulggishly…

“GRRRRAAAAGH!” Everyone jumped back in alarm as Pvt. Booger fell on the flesh golem, sinking his teeth into the monster’s shoulder. The golem fell to the pitch, and Booger came up, his face covered in blood, the golem’s left clavicle hanging in his clenched jaws. Captain Nasonex looked on wide eyed.

“Booger, Holy Sh…!”

“BRAAAAINS!” Pvt. Booger turned on Captain Nasonex. Before he could strike, Softy, only aware that a fellow player had just been brutally taken out by a lowly rookie human lineman, sprinted in from behind and slammed into Pvt. Booger, driving him into the pitch, face first. The whistle blew so that the pile of bodies could be cleared out.

Calon went briskly to work sewing a new clavicle into Gentle’s shoulder, which took nicely. The referee’s rolled Pvt. Booger over. He was clearly dead, his eyes glazed over, no pulse and not breathing.

Griff Oberwald: “Wow, that block didn’t look that bad. No way he should have died from that one!”
Captain Nasonex: “I thought he was going to kill me!”
Captain Kleenex: “I told you there was something not right with him!”

The referee examining the body, distracted by the conversation (he had never been close enough to Griff Oberwald before to hear his actual voice!) was suitably surprised when Pvt. Booger’s suddenly sat up, and grabbed him from behind, sinking his teeth into the referee’s neck. The other referees rushed in from the sidelines, and all hell broke loose midfield.

After the ensuing scuffle, the game was resumed, with Pvt. Booger allowed to remain in play (as he was apparently still fit, and not lacking in the requisite blood lust), but due to his…condition…it was ruled that he would have to take the pitch for the Necromantic side.

The rest of the match went rather uneventfully, with the werewolf Softy causing a second severe injury to Captain Kleenex, then almost instantly being killed outright by Griff Oberwald himself. In the end, the ‘roided-up superstar carried the game for the humans, for a final score of 3-0.

”