“The beleaguered residents of Lansing have a reason to rejoice this evening! While their mediocre team of meathook-handed norsemen did not win their latest match, they put up a stunningly good (for them) defense, managing to keep the visiting Slayers to a mere two touchdowns and even getting a highlight reel play at the end.

It started with a fairly standard drive, followed by a gang of cackling women surrounding Sven Redzone, dragging him to the ground and savaging him. A Lutefisk blitzer (who remembers their names?), doding and wriggling through this mass of womanhood, managed to get the ball and drove to within a few strides of the end zone. Out of nowhere, the Slayer thrower leveled the blitzer into the crowd, who must have been feeling generous and did not kill the poor 'fisk. The subsequent throw-in sailed across the entire width of the pitch, where a ham-fisted Oli Chokinhim managed to miraculously pick up the ball and (like a badly-maintained catapult) launch it into the end-zone where Olaf Teedeeson managed to somehow come down with it into a snowdrift for the touchdown as the whistle blew.”