“Media attention surrounding Carlton's decision to 'kick their way' to a narrow loss against the Maniac Mammalians in last week's game had attracted the interest of the Southern Waste Regulatory Commission who, quoting some obscure regulation about the number and variety of studs allowed on a player's boot, had decided to attend the match. Not being able to make any sense of the lengthy regulation, Mr. Swan advised his boys to lay off the boots all together. This, combined with a mammoth drinking session the night before, had put the boys from Carlton in a very surly mood.

Receiving in the First, they rather feebly tried to hold a line against the Orcish assault. The Scumbags' considerable strength proved too much for the lacklustre United however and they started to drop. Forming a cage, the Green Machine slowly rumbled down the right wing, beating on any of the foolish humans that got in their way. By half time, they'd managed to get the ball over the line and also to remove all but 4 of their opponents from the field. It started to rain.

Regrouping over the break, our boys were itching for a chance to lay in the boot but, spying the watchful eye of the Commissioner, were forced to continue the game honestly. Sensing defeat was imminent if things continued in the vein, Mr. Swan concocted a rowsing pep talk, firing his boys up for the second half. Even the injured for fully renewed, such was the motivating power of his words.

Kicking poorly, the Orcs were forced to concede a touchback as the second half started. Duke Snakefield, with Swaney's words still ringing in his ears, was given the ball and blitzed his way through the lines, his speed and strength being far too much for the hapless Orcs. The scores were level but Carlton knew they would have to find a way to stop the Orcish grind that was about to begin if they were to have any hope of getting something from the match.

With much of the second half still to be played, the Orcs were in no hurry as they methodically prepared their cage to once more rumble its way downfield. The Duke led an assault into their half in an attempt to rustle the ball from them before they could secure the cage. Failing in this task, some measure of succes was attained as several key Orc players were occupied away from their attack. Although the battle was hard fought, the Scumbags being most probably the strongest (in terms of strength) team in the competition, Edward Birk was eventually able to knock down the ball carrier, mere meters from the endzone. The ball sailed into the crowd and was tossed back to land in open field and easy reach of Dave Vigil who hurled it downfield desperately. The Duke leapt high to receive the pass, too strong in the air for his opponents (or his teammates for that matter, for whom the pass was intended). Looking to the glory zone and ready for his second Down, Snakefield sprinted for the line. Time ran out for this shining star of the SWL however, and the siren beat him to it.

The match would end, 1-1. A fair result for both teams.

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Great game whitey and well coached. Those Orcs of yours are truly awe inspiring! The could do with a few more +STs though... ”