“[cue theme music]

[cue talking heads]

- "Hi, I'm Dan Donalds and this is my partner, Don Daniels, and welcome back. Time to check in on the action from the world of BloodBowl. What's new Don?"

- "Why it seemed like just last week, Dan, that the Blood Freaks of the ANARCHIST league were driving fans away in droves, and losing matches to underpowered competitors."

- "No, Don, that was earlier this week."

- "But now they're back in the news with a rousing victory over the feared Amazon teams, Coup de Grace. Dan, unlike most Amazon teams, these ladies are known for their nastiness, not their beauty."

- "Little wonder, Don, when you see this team up close."

- "That's right, Dan. Now, rumor has it that someone informed the Blood Freaks' team captain, Faak... Farg... help me out here, Dan."

- "That's Faahkg. The sound's at the back of the throat."

- "So like this? Faahcik? Faaka?"

- "No, Don, that's not even close, but I don't think the folks at home are gonna care."

- "Right you are, Dan. Faah... Ferk.. well, the team captain was informed that these Coup de Grace ladies were the nastiest team in the league, having devastated innumerable opponents, almost all of them after the opponents were on the ground. And that means only one thing to a Chaos team like the Blood Freaks, Dan."

- "Yes, Don, that means more blood for Khorne, and from their perspective that can only be a good thing."

- "Right, Dan. So they issued a challenge to the Amazons, and brought a heaping helping of blood-letting fervor to today's match. The same could not be said for the Amazon players, though."

- "No, Don, they didn't seem to have much in the way of blood-letting fervor today. In fact, they didn't seem to have much of anything going on today, except maybe for cramps."

- "Well said, Dan. As the Amazons stepped to the line and prepared themselves for the first play, the Blood Freaks immediately recognized their setup and countered with a custom-designed setup of their own. An amazing move!"

- "So true, Don. The ladies looked to have things well in hand as they readied for play, but the Freaks' surprise move threw them for a loop."

- "That's for sure, Dan. The ladies tried to recover and knock the boys off the line, but they had limited success at best. The highlight of their first offensive push was when their star Blitzer Eumache went crazy against the Freaks' big star Laaght."

- "Not the sort of player you normally want your players to go crazy against, Don."

- "No, Dan, definitely not. But it worked out in her favor this time. However, it left her dangerously close to the fans, and if there's one thing we've learned about the fans when the Blood Freaks come to town, it's that they go completely apeshit."

- "That's right, Don. As the Blood Freaks began to alienate their fans a while back, they took a different oppoach to fan interaction. Generally speaking, this translates into extreme hatred on both sides. The Freaks hate the fans, and the fans hate the Freaks."

- "Right you are, Dan. In fact, in the past three matches the Blood Freaks have played in, the fans have caused more permanent injuries than the Blood Freaks themselves. An astounding feat, to be sure. Of course, in mere seconds, the crazed fans had pulled Eumache in, and she wasn't coming back into that match."

- "All I can san, Don, is 'ouch.'"

- "And that's all you need to say, Dan. Laaght and Urrrguh! then proceeded to unleash some massive devistation on the Amazons, and somehow in all this the ball continued to bounce around on the pitch."

- "Well, Don, hard hits make it hard to hold onto the ball."

- "So true, Dan. Eventually, with casualties mounting on the Coup de Grace sideline, the unthinkable happened. Faahkg laid a hit on Andromache that was so hard, you knew immediately that she wasn't ever getting up again."

- "That his was so hard, Don, I swear I saw a tampon flying in the replay."

- "That's a disgusting image, Dan, and I hope you never say anything even remotely like that again. Regardless, Andromache was down, and the Apothocary was fighting with one of the Blood Freaks assistant coaches when his services were required. Needless to day, Andromache didn't make it."

- "And that's not a bad thing, Don, 'cause she sure wasn't a looker."

- "Right, Dan, she was ugly. The Blood Freaks were able to score as the first half wound down, and when they kicked off to the Amazons just prior to halftime, the Amazons took the opportunity to go after Faahkg. They knocked him down and were clearly setting up one of their classic 'kick em when they're down' plays when Faahkg proved how clever he is by leaving the pitch before they could execute the play."

- "Excellent choice of words, Don, because it would have been both the play and the player that would have been executed. And Faahkg, cunning as he is, didn't miss a turn, coming back at the half."

- "Amazing player, Dan, great pitch awareness. Halftime saw the Injured Box filled for the feared Coup de Grace, and the Injured Box completely vacant for the upstart Blood Freaks. The fans, still going nuts, started throwing rocks at the players as the second half started, and Urrrguh! was paid back for his earlier successes with a rock to the skull."

- "Right, Don. Urrrguh! was out for the match, and the Amazons fans had logged their second casualty of the day."

- "Well, Dan, that's two more than the Amazon team had registered by this point. The Blood Freaks quickly charged down the pitch to a quick score, with several more of the Coup de Grace team injured, including a very nasty knee injury for Antimache."

- "Impressive, Don, but it really got the crowd riled up."

- "Too true, Dan. The ensueing riot ate away the majority of the remaining game, leaving only enough time for the Amazons to take another stab at Faahkg."

- "Again, excellent wording, Don. By this point, Faahkg had put out three of their players, including one by death, and they wanted revenge. But that Faahkg, he's a crafty one."

- "You're right, Dan, he is crafty. When they knock him down, what's he do? Rather than lying around waiting on them to really take it to him, he knocks himself out, which gets him pulled right off the field. What a player!"

- "That's right, Don, he certainly is. Nothing else really happened after that, and the match drew to a quick conclusion, with the Blood Freaks pulling off the upset victory at 2-0."

- "Now, Dan, on to the local news, council elderman Grommit was seen exiting a brothel at 3:00am this morning, creating questions on all sides."

- "Right, Don. Such as 'what is the elderman doing in a brother?' or 'does the elderman like being spanked?' or 'does the elderman got the jungle fever?' or .."”