“From within the billowing folds of the Sultan's pleasure tent come the throaty tones of the Sultan, bragging to a sports reporter:

"Well! Well well well!

I'm very proud of my men, (do help yourself to some rosewater) very proud indeed! Dazzling dervishes all of them, and well past their fears - oh it seems so long ago! - about the undead.

Perhaps that Zara the Slayer gave them a pep talk, or some inspiration. Heavens know she did little else early on except get knocked out and stay there! Poor woman seemed so lethargic... Then again, she works late nights. I've seen exactly the same look on my newer concubines.

Without the black eye, of course! My players are perfect gentlemen, unlike some other sportspeople on this continent! Ho ho ho! Yes, whatever that other game is with the oval ball and the sticks...

Not my men, though! Not even Yilmaz! In fairness, though, he is a eunuch - that's why he guards the harem. It's like working in a sweet shop he tells me - after a while you don't touch them.

I think Mr Greg Bird and the Brisbane Broncos could learn a lesson or two in manners from my players, and I dare say they'd be happy to teach him! Especially Yilmaz, I would think... Eunuchs that guard harems are often the MOST frustrated. It will take more than a bit of broken glass to stop Yilmaz doing his famous 'Double-decker Pecker Wrecker'.

I've digressed, I'm so sorry! (Try this goat shank, it's been simmering for a week! The secret is to have slaves add spiced stock on the hour every hour on pain of death.)

Well I should conclude; my wives want to go anniversary shopping (at least I had the foresight to marry them all at once! My life would be nothing but forgotten anniversaries and hasty apologies!).

So let me just say: Daring and debonair, my men ruled the pitch today, like they did against those rats.

However, two wins in a row can make my players cocky. It can make them spend less time on the pitch and more time on the concubines. It was this kind of carnival atmosphere that lead to the death of Halil Irfan (Peace be on him).

Next match is the honour guard of the Temple of Sotek. I shall look into hiring Zoltar the Mysterious... He's a man with a FIERY commitment to my team! If you know what I mean! OH ho ho ho! (The Sultan triumphantly eats a sweet date)

You might say he does what he can to INFLAME the situation! OH ho ho ho ho! (The Sultan triumphantly eats a crunchy pistachio)

Perhaps one could even imply that he'll... cast a fireball once in the match, preferably early on, at a tightly-packed group of sauri and kroxigor! Oh ho ho... (The Sultan eats a lump of Turkish Delight.)

I don't need to be cryptic when I'm so incredibly RICH!"

(the reporter leaves the Sultan to his recent hobby: throwing money in the air and dancing in it.)”