“XFL Chaos III…the champions from season I have returned. Bruised from their attempt at Fumbbl Cup glory, they return to the XFL for what seems like an unlikely attempt at reclaiming their title. Yet, before the match, a pair of shadowy. cloaked figures meet with the referees in a dark, smoky dungeon…

Shadowy figure 1: “So, it is agreed then? You understand exactly what calls will and will not be made?”
Referee: “Yes, but I don’t understand, you don’t wa-aAAAOW!” The ref screeched in pain as the hulking shadowy figure 2 crushed his shoulders with his large, green, fingers.
Shadowy figure 1: “You don’t need to understand, you only need to obey!”
Referee: “Y-yes sir. They will stay in the game, I swear it.”
Shadowy figure 1: “Excellent. I am glad we could come to this…understanding…mutually, without you feeling unduly…pressured.”
*pause*
Shadowy figure 1: “Pressured.”
*lengthy pause*
Shadowy figure 1: “PRESSURED.”
*awkwardly lengthy, nosing picking pause*
Shadowy figure 1: “I SAID “PRESSURED”!”
Shadowy figure 2: “Oh, right boss,” With that he gave the ref another crushing squeeze.
The referee collapsed, whimpering to the dungeon floor. The two shadowy figures walked out with a last furtive glance into the shadowy corridor behind them.
Shadowy figure 1: “Now you big whiny lout, lets go play some Blood Bowl…”

The match began much as SlaughterHouse 5000 matches do, with Sluggo and Gurn refusing to take the pitch at the same time. The remaining 10 SlaughterHouse players lined up for defense, having lost the coin toss (no one ever noticed that the coin had two heads…)

Almost immediately several fans, looking suspiciously like the SlaughterHouse5000 Fan Club, yet clearly wearing I Dominate You team colors, grabbed the ref, promptly ate him, and replaced him with another, whose face was red with pain and had rather crushed looking shoulders. He looked nervously at the SlaughterHouse coach, and then back at the pitch. And then the hitting started.

The first to go down from the SlaughterHouse5000 side was veteran chaos warrior Max Carnage. A glancing blow landed on his shin, and he collapsed screaming. “I can’t possibly play on! Oh, the pain! I’m so very Badly Hurt!” The I Dominate You side looked at each other in confusion at the outburst, but shrugged at their luck as Max was carted off to the casualty box.

Hit after hit, foul after foul, SlaughterHouse5000 players were declaring themselves “So very Badly Hurt” and “Utterly unable to continue.” Every I Dominate You foul was met with the ref’s unsteady gaze…after which he would immediately look down at the ground at his feet and mutter “uhm, no foul.”

Every few minutes, a SlaughterHouse player would snicker and land a quick sucker punch, taking down a member of I Dominate You, including two very serious injuries and even nearly killing Rockspectre, but almost immediately afterwards, the offending SlaughterHouse member would also go down, clutching his ankle, knee, or shoulder, and howling about how “Badly Hurt” he was.

In the end, the score was 4-0 and the pitch had been cleared of the SlaughterHouse5000 side, the Badly Hurt box overflowing with surprisingly cheerful and rather drunk chaos warriors and beastmen, and the KO box containing what seemed to be a couple of fully conscious players as well.

The SlaughterHouse5000 team walked off the pitch full of smiles and clapping each other on the back, with Max Carnage even remembering to limp … though on the wrong leg.

Sure, a few of the fans left the stadium disgusted with the apparent utter lack of effort on the SlaughterHouse side…but the head coach nodded in satisfaction, his team now back to full health and ready to take on another challenge.



Ah, and also, despite the referee performing exactly as agreed, KilGore ate him anyway.
”