“Massimo Mano popped the collar on his tight, black and white, striped tunic. Today was La Donna Grossa's first match and he knew a significant weight would have to be borne by his elegant, sunkissed shoulders.

The Copramontana brothers were joking amongst themselves, rubbing their stubbled chins and tucking gold chains into their low-neckline uniforms. It had taken some time to convince them of the need for helmets that would muss their hair as much as the new heavy-duty black and white ones did. Eventually they had relented when the possibility of receiving a facial bruising had been brought up.

The rest of La Donna Grossa's young team were in high spirits. They had been told their first opponents were cow-men.

"We had a farm in Shmorino." Luciano stated, matter-of-factly, "I know how to handle livestock".

When their opponents lined up, the gravity of the task in front of them became clear.

One of their opponents had certainly once been a cow. Perhaps his mother had been a cow. If that was the case, then daddy was an eldritch hellspawn of unimaginable fury and power.

"New pants please." Asked a voice from behind Massimo, its tone earnest and slightly confused.

Yet the Fat Lady could not be disappointed and a wave of courage washed over the team as they saw the Copramontana brothers jog out onto the field, their chests puffed out and full of machismo.

"AVANTI FRATELLI!" The brothers called as the first kickoff was taken.

They threw themselves into the line of Beastmen who looked momentarily taken aback by this display of outright lunacy. For about 30 seconds the line held and the plucky humans fought with astonishing tenacity against the arrayed rank of chaos's finest ballplayers.

Luigi Lombardi saw the kick fall in front of him and dashed towards it, hoping to start the game with a snap throw and swift touchdown. Instead he fumbled the ball comically and gazed in horror as beastmen rose back to the line of scrimmage from injuries which would decommission even the hardiest of human.

This game would not be going according to plan.

The Fat Lady's men got over their early passing foul-ups and put two touchdowns away but the Chaos soon gave warning of their horrific intent as Secondo Copramontana's collar bone was snapped in two with contemptible ease.

After that the game became a bloodbath. The humans were knocked out, badly hurt and eventually killed. The carnage was such that men stayed on the floor, gibbering and trying to play dead.

When the final whistle blew only Massimo was awake to hear it.

The Copramontana brothers walked in silence, carrying their injured brother towards the dressing room, his wound feebly dressed in torn linen bandages. Within stood a stranger, wearing flamboyant purple gloves, tight, black pantaloons and a truly impressive moustache.

"I vos votching your game my boys. Yu haff a spirit unt energy vich ze Baron, he finds most... alluring."

There was a brief, uneasy pause.

"Zo. I haff consented to join your team in your hour off need!"

Baron Heimlich von Liepnich stooped to rest a hand on Secondo's feverish forehead.

"Vorry not, little vun, I vill take gut care of your brothers. Ze baron, he lovs his men!"















”