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Match Result · League division
· Tournament game
Match recorded on 2009-01-13 23:23:47
70k
1/0/1
Player Performances
td
comp
cas
int
mvp
spp
turns
pass
rush
block
foul
TOTALS
2
4
2
1
1
21
-
11
34
48
1
Player Performances
td
comp
cas
int
mvp
spp
turns
pass
rush
block
foul
TOTALS
1
3
1
-
1
13
-
19
17
28
-
#2 Christiano Di Porci – Dead (RIP)
“ Baron Heimlich von Liepnich looked good in the Black and White stripes of La Donna Grossa - there was no denying this. He retained his purple gloves, in spite of then being out of the team's colours, to allow him to be more easily picked out on the field.
Being singled out was not so much of an issue for now as a repulsively muscular woman had her meaty hands pressed solidly around his throat.
"Gut Gott voman! Ven vos ze last time yu took a spa day?"
The Baron twisted his body round and threw his assailant by the wayside. He had more pressing matters to deal with than the wholly unwanted attention of these crazed jungle-women.
He was just in time to watch Massimo Mano dodge skillfully out of the clutches of two other Amazonians ("smart boy"), spin round their hastily assembled line, leap head first towards the idle ball before pressing himself back to his feet, under the nose of another depressingly well-muscled lineswoman.
Massimo barely skipped a beat as he swung his throwing arm back and hurled a mighty, arcing pass across the field of play.
Primo Copramontana was already several yards clear in the Yamako tribe's half and he comfortably caught the pass before showing the turn of foot that made the Copramontana brothers famous by sprinting to the endzone.
Enraged, an Amazon threw a savage shoulder to von Liepnich's solar plexus, but the purple-gloved all star stayed on his feet:
"Ha! Ze baron, he is merely pushed back!"
In the second Half, Primo managed a similarly impressive run but found himself enclosed within a cage of sprinting tribeswomen.
"Ragazze! Ladies, please" he said with a silky voice and a beguiling grin.
The box of muscle closed suddenly.
"LADIES!! PLEASE!!" Primo shrieked, as he received a vicious pummeling, the ball bouncing away from him with a carefree skip.
As the final seconds closed in and La Donna Grossa reverted to the style of play for which their countrymen were famed - time wasting backpassing and cagey, defensive movement, the Baron continued to absorb the furious swings and blows of the now rabid tribeswomen.
"Vonce again! Ze Baron, he is only pushed back!"
Such was the fury and disdain with which La Donna Grossa and the Baron's antics were viewed that in the space of less than a minute Christiano di Porci was slain and a very angry touchdown was scored.
"Ach! Zis is goingk to be harder zan I zought", Baron Heimlich von Liepnich sighed as the final whistle blew.
A lineswoman spat at his feet. "Endure your subjugation, fancy-man!"
"VY NOT YU ENDURE A SHAVE, MUSCLE GIRL?" The Baron retorted in a bitter shriek.”
Being singled out was not so much of an issue for now as a repulsively muscular woman had her meaty hands pressed solidly around his throat.
"Gut Gott voman! Ven vos ze last time yu took a spa day?"
The Baron twisted his body round and threw his assailant by the wayside. He had more pressing matters to deal with than the wholly unwanted attention of these crazed jungle-women.
He was just in time to watch Massimo Mano dodge skillfully out of the clutches of two other Amazonians ("smart boy"), spin round their hastily assembled line, leap head first towards the idle ball before pressing himself back to his feet, under the nose of another depressingly well-muscled lineswoman.
Massimo barely skipped a beat as he swung his throwing arm back and hurled a mighty, arcing pass across the field of play.
Primo Copramontana was already several yards clear in the Yamako tribe's half and he comfortably caught the pass before showing the turn of foot that made the Copramontana brothers famous by sprinting to the endzone.
Enraged, an Amazon threw a savage shoulder to von Liepnich's solar plexus, but the purple-gloved all star stayed on his feet:
"Ha! Ze baron, he is merely pushed back!"
In the second Half, Primo managed a similarly impressive run but found himself enclosed within a cage of sprinting tribeswomen.
"Ragazze! Ladies, please" he said with a silky voice and a beguiling grin.
The box of muscle closed suddenly.
"LADIES!! PLEASE!!" Primo shrieked, as he received a vicious pummeling, the ball bouncing away from him with a carefree skip.
As the final seconds closed in and La Donna Grossa reverted to the style of play for which their countrymen were famed - time wasting backpassing and cagey, defensive movement, the Baron continued to absorb the furious swings and blows of the now rabid tribeswomen.
"Vonce again! Ze Baron, he is only pushed back!"
Such was the fury and disdain with which La Donna Grossa and the Baron's antics were viewed that in the space of less than a minute Christiano di Porci was slain and a very angry touchdown was scored.
"Ach! Zis is goingk to be harder zan I zought", Baron Heimlich von Liepnich sighed as the final whistle blew.
A lineswoman spat at his feet. "Endure your subjugation, fancy-man!"
"VY NOT YU ENDURE A SHAVE, MUSCLE GIRL?" The Baron retorted in a bitter shriek.”
"I hear they're weak little fancy-men," was Plorka's succinct response.
La Donna Grossa lined up a modest 9 players to start the match. The amazon blitzers then set about trying to flatten them. However, humanity proved resilient, and it was only in the late stages of the half, via an audacious interception by Princess Xena, that Yamako could squeak into touchdown distance.
Then, horror of horrors, a lineman's trip and the ball was with Massimo Mano, who surely dodged at least three times before throwing an epic pass deep into the opposite half. Disbelief. 1-0 La Donna.
You could hear the amazons' shrieks of frustration from the back of the stands.
"Ha, ze Baron is only pushed back!" proclaimed von Liepnich.
Yamako rotated a couple of players and set about trying to dominate the second half with tight marking and a lot of potential ball-carriers. The offense lurched across the field. Amazons were lining up to punch von Liepnich in the face, but the moustachio'd fancyman always rose again. Even a knee to the groin only left him down for a moment.
A spry snap of the wrist from Esther set up Princess Xena in Yamako's own half. When the Princess took a knock, linewoman Jessica scooped the ball, clotheslined Luciano Garibaldi and didn't look back. 1-1.
"It's gettin' late," remarked McTavish from the dugout. A wink for Yamako Jade, who looked utterly disgusted.
"She's always been mah favourite," McTavish admitted, grinning.
But it was getting late, and a draw against an understrength team would not look good on the books. Terzo Copramontana fell back for defence, and it seemed La Donna at least would be delighted at 1-1.
"GET IT!!" Plorka roared, bug-eyed and slightly hysterical.
Xena was once again the heroine of the hour, blazing in and spearing Christiano Di Porci. The Donna lineman went down with a wet sound, flopping motionless to the turf. Dripping blood, Xena faced down the last man. Perhaps no great surprise that she capped her all-round performance by dropping Compramontana and closing out the match. 2-1.
"We Luv U Xena," read a hastily drawn sign in the crowd.”