“It was a beautiful day in the elven homeland as a near-capacity crowd showed up to watch the inaugural CBBL game between the visiting Dark Underground and the hometown favorite, Desperados and Gin. The smell of blood was in the air as the bitter rivals took the field; indeed, the fans had already gotten into the mix, and a dozen were carted off to the apothecary's tent before the visitors had lined up to receive the kick.

After a touchback, the dwarves took the ball and proceeded to do what they always do: Hit hard and move slowly. They formed a double wall and set up their runners, Wind and Fire, to lumber up behind. The fast elves, as usual, circled around for the kill since there was no way for them to push through the heavy dwarves. The dwarves were ready for this play and quickly reset their lines, forcing the elves to go around the long way yet again. By the second turn, they had Wind the ball-carrier circled and it looked to be time for a turnover. Yet with a clever twist-blocking scheme, the dwarves freed up Wind and sent rising elven star "Ziggy" Zigginersterien bleeding to the bench. The crowd roared for a foul, but to no avail. Wind ducked through the gaping holes in the line and sprinted--at a relatively glacial dwarven pace--towards the end zone.

The few elves in the defense were unable to knock Wind down, despite him only coming up to their knees. Meanwhile, "Zaggy" Zamantande and most of the elven linemen were too far downfield to make a play on the ball, but rejoined the fray with a series of nasty blocks, knocking out troll slayer Bloodstone.

The distraction wasn't felt upfield by the ball carrier, who could only hear the roar of the crowd urging the elves to take him down. Fellow runner Fire got into the fray, helping to free up Wind from the blocks of the last two elves; with a nifty move, he broke free and scooted into the end zone for the game's first score!

After a bad kick that took a favorable dwarven bounce, the elves took the ball on their own goal line and set up their usual attack: Wardancer "Zaggy" pushed his way downfield to catch the long pass, and the linemen attempted to knock down as many interceptors as possible. After a bad pass, the dwarves were able to regroup and set up a blocking line, sending Wind and Thunder after the ball and Bloodstone to take out the receiver. "Zaggy" managed to evade the attacks and keep his feet, setting up a tense moment as the elves tried to get off the pass--only to have "Warren" Warstenliousten trip over his own feet and drop the ball!

The dwarves quickly capitalized on the loose ball, bludging the elves mercilessly and knocking "Zaggy" from the field. Their only error was leaving the ball on the ground, where Carsicus "The Kid" Derandideril was able to scoop it up and pass cross-field to the waiting "Gormless" Guentilentanin. The dwarven fans hissed as their team looked hopelessly out of position to stop the attack. Their fears were unwarranted, though, as the dwarves scrambled back into the play, KO'ed "Dirty" Dartilen Marintinus, and positioned two defenders by the ball carrier. "Gormless" tried to push his way out of the crowd but ended up on his duff, the ball bouncing harmlessly on the turf yet again. The remaining time in the first half produced no injuries but a number of laughs as the two teams tried and failed to pick up the ball.

In the second half, the elves started on offense with an auspicious bounce of the ball and several hefty blocks, freeing up their line to set the attack. With nifty running and a quick pass, "Zaggy" was finally in possession of the ball and ready to strike. His quick moves put him only a few yards away from scoring before, in a fit of narcissistic preening, he tripped and dropped the ball! The dwarves were quick to respond, setting the blocking line and sending fleet-footed Fire to retrieve the rock. He tried a handoff to his stronger captain, but Bloodstone was unable to corral the ball. The elves, however, couldn't get past the dwarven blocks and Fire was able to regain possession as his teammates formed the famous Dwarven Cage. After some furious blocking, "Zaggy" was sent to the bench with a nasty concussion and the dwarves looked primed to score. Imagine their surprise when the elves failed to roll over and die, and instead wounded stout lineman Basalt with a wicked blow to the head!

The enraged dwarves were equal to the task, though, knocking out two elves on the next play and advancing the ball to midfield. An unwise blitz by Hunter Rossinger was rewarded with a nasty trip from Wind, and the resulting fall sent him to the bench seeing stars. The dwarves again set up lines, now with a 10-on-6 advantage, and Fire sprinted around the corner towards the end zone. The elves tried their best to get back in the play, but the dwarven blocking left them all on the turf. The cheering dwarven fans had more to celebrate as Fire waltzed in for the second touchdown!

The rest of the game was just garbage time, but the crowd got to see a few good licks from both sides. In the end, though, it was the visiting team's honor to raise the ball in triumph!

Team captain Bloodstone, with a game-high 12 blocks, was asked after the game whether everything went according to plan. "We didn't kill any of them, so I'm a little disappointed," he said. "But we did come away with a victory, and some blood, so I guess coach won't beat us too much tonight!"

Coach Mordae gleefully spent the elven fans' money on an apothecary for Basalt, who is expected to live a normal life assuming he survives his CBBL career.”