“Wow, what can you say about a match when the loser gets more money and FF than the winner? And it was hot elf-on-elf action to boot! Yessir, the fans sure love their Hair Legends!

The Legends were coming off a hard-fought victory over the Troutdale Jewel Thieves. This was their second game in the "School of Hard Knocks" tournament, the first in a series of activities planned by the newly formed SABBBL league (yes, that's a redundant use of the word league). The team was without the services of Thrower Holly Bud and Lineelf John Travoltash. The Gopherhunters were coming off a tough loss to the Bristol Blackguards but were playing with all 11 of their woodies.

The first half started with a Blitz by the Gopherhunters. Lineelf Cherry (What?) had a chance to receive his own kickoff but he bobbled it. The Legends quickly covered the ball and Blitzer Elvish Presley recovered it, moving into a small cage. The Gopherhunters quickly surrounded the cage forming an impenetrable scrum, or so it seemed. Presley handed off to LE Sycamore LeBonBon who made a break for it. That was pretty much the end of the good news for the Legends. Gopherhunter LE Walnut smashed LeBonBon's knee (SI - Niggling) and recovered the ball. The Gopherhunters then marched the ball downfield, scoring in turn 5. Treeman Stumpy McButterfingers also KO'd Legends Blitzer Mad Martin, probably because he saw the game footage from his Troutdale massacre.

The ensuing kickoff became a nightmare repetition of events for the Legends, as they would get the ball into Gopherhunter territory only to have it taken away and marched back down the field for a score. Each time the Legends would get close to scoring only to have some horrible and devestating event occur that would deny them the TD and often cost them a player. Highlights include:

ZZ Treetop received a pass, then got ejected for fouling LE Walnut and dropping the ball in the process (hey, Walnut deserved it after that cheapshot on LeBonBon)

REO Hair Supply was killed during a block by LE Cherry (What?). Linefairy Cherry can't catch a kickoff, but appearantly he can collect bounties on undeserving Legends players.

Blitzer Elvish Presley was KO'd by LE Oak. There were 4 Legends on the field at this point, 3 were actually standing. LE Oak-esque Shrub managed to score, his coach must have been so proud.

Neither Blitzer returned for the first kickoff of the 2nd half. There were still 4 Legends feebly trying to stop 11 Gopherhunters. They managed to delay them from scoring until turn 4, when LE Mesquite made a completely gratuitous pass to LE Coal (Used to be a tree) to farm more SPPs. It was beautiful and worthy of praise.

The next kickoff saw a quick pass from Legend Ratt Poison (LE) to Blitzer Mad Martin. The larcenous Gopherhunters quickly burgled the ball from Mad Martin, stunning him in the process, leaving Blitzer Elvish Presley standing deep in Gopherhunter territory. Presley dodged a tackle and made a beeline on Oak-esque Shrub, who was holding the stolen goods. He put a thundering Blitz on the Linefairy, so hard that it stunned Presley but left Oak-esque still in possession of the ball and thinking he'd been hit by a runaway twig cart. That is, a little cart made out of twigs. Legends LE Greenleaf Bon Jovi managed to BH Gopherhunter Walnut. Finally, the Legends got a bit of revenge against that elf-crippler!

It was a pyrrhic victory and not enough to stop a 4th score in Turn 7. Lineelf Ratt Poison was KO'd trying to dodge away on the following kickoff. Gopherhunter Pine did his best Elvish Presley impersonation against, who else, Blitzer Elvish Presly on a thundering Blitz. It was actually quite impressive and resulted in Pine being sent off by Elvish to the BH box. Pine thought he was being carted off for an encore as the crowd was going wild. Elvish managed to KO himself against Mesquite the very next play.

Thus, the game ended. Coach Village_Idiot petitioned the commissioner of the SABBBL for the bounty on REO Hair Supply to be payed in beer. Coach Flashback13 is considering starting a lumber company.


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