“My underachieving Bokonon boys decided to pit their wits against a rather daunting ogre team. Team head Bokonon, being an ogre himself, decided that he wouldn't bother turning up for the game as he didn't want to face his brethren. He'll be getting a flogging at the next training session, as long as I can find enough rope.

To make things worse, the over-excitable opposition fans then took out one of my best linemen with a well aimed rock.

Despite all this, the first half turned into a tense affair. There was some gentle dodging to stay out of the ogres' reach and keep a wall around the half way line. There were some well-aimed strikes to take down an ogre at a time, keeping them down with the aid of dirty ol' Fishgills Mcginty and a rather intimidated ref (who sadly regained his senses towards the end of the half and sent Fishgills off). Eventually the ogres wore us down and scored the first half TD they had threatened.

An attempt to line-up a first half reply failed when the only Bokonon player who could reach the endzone on turn 8 was knocked over and then, just to make sure, carried off the pitch after a sneaky boot in the face from a little gobbo.

So, to the second half. 9 brave men against 6 ogres and 3 gobbos. This is where things started to go wrong. An attempt to push some men down the left flank was stopped before it started, and a sneaky attempt to get a couple of men free on the right looked promising but failed to come to fruition before my poor chucker was bundled to the ground by an oncoming army of ogres and gobbos. Cue several turns with the ball on the ground a couple of spaces away from my endzone with my chucker having to get up, knock over a gobbo, pick up the ball and wait for 3 more of the opposition to arrive the next turn. With the LOS boys and the potential receivers being put on the ground constantly, there was never any hope. My thrower hit the ground for good and an ogre picked up the ball for the TD. OGRE-BALL!!! What the hell!!! Not a gobbo, but an ogre. They were queueing up for the TD, the buggers.

That left a mere two turns to set up a score to at least gain some honour. My thrower was deep. Everyone else ran down the right flank to create a cage for my catcher. Even my LOS guys dodged away to assist. With the last turn my thrower had to run from deep to find himself just shy of the halfway line, two spaces from the left touchline.

My catcher was surrounded by a melee of Bokonon boys, gobbos and Ogres, all the way over the other side of the pitch, just in range of the endzone. The crowd held their breath. The ball left Rudy Roberts hand. It arced in the air. Over the despairing hand of an intercepting ogre (see, ogreball again). Into the hands of Z.F.Pirate, who stood there for a second, in shock. The crowd fell silent.

What the hell just happened?

Did the Bokonon boys suddenly learn how to play Bloodbowl? Crying and weeping, Z.F. bounded down the touchline for a last minute TD. The crowd, disenchanted by the sudden attempt to play proper ball, started to boo. Fan Factor went down. They didn't come to see this. They expect the boys to lose and die a lot in the attempt.

A fun game against a friendly coach who handed it to me big-time. I always seem to get sucked into bashiness, even against teams I shouldn't. Casualties just seem so much more fun than TDs.”