“Unkempt Ratz No Match for Splendid Haircuts

The game began with the Hasheesh Coach filing a formal protest. It seems that while he had thoroughly scouted Wreckage’s previous match against the Malefactors, he was taken off guard by the Ratz recent acquisition of Sludge, the Rat Ogre. None the less, the officials determined that the hiring of Sludge was legit, and therefore the Rat Ogre was allowed to play. This really angered the Splendid Haircuts, as apparent by the very first hit.

Wreckage won the coin toss and elected to kick. Immediately after the ball hit the ground, longbeard 73 Predecessors delivered a powerful blow to linerat Muckraker, crushing his skull. Muckraker, who had been acquired a scant two weeks prior, arrived in the locker room DOA, and was not attended to by the team shaman. Blitzer Benevalent Fund recovered the ball as the Hasheesh began its advance. As the Ratz tried to slow the Haircuts’ slow advance, longbeard Ye Olde Booty delivered a viscous hit to gutter runner Gangrechank.
“That blow has surely killed him, eh Bob?”
“Right you are, Jim. No… wait. He’s rolling onto his side, he must merely be stunned.”
“Well I guess miracles never cease.”

Woe continued to reign down upon the Ratz, as storm vermin Scuppers was pushed out of bounds by longbeard Telephone Voice, and blitzer Belated Arrival sent linerat Leachate to the infirmary. Then a third viscous hit was delivered by longbeard Good Side to linerat Sepsis. Sepsis, a skilled veteran, was attended to by the team shaman, and did not need to leave the field. More heavy handed violence ensued as Telephone Voice shoved linerat Gongfermor off the pitch.

Finally, Benevolent Fund handed off to runner Splendid Singing who ran in for a 1-0 lead. With too little time on the clock, the Ratz were unable to reciprocate as the first half came to a close.

The second half began with only nine Wreckage players healthy enough to take to the pitch. Sludge and Scuppers broke open a hole in the Haircut line, as storm vermin Bilgewaste and gutter runners Trashyard and Gangrechank poured through. The ball was recovered by thrower Blackwater who connected with Gangrechank and the score was quickly tied 1-1.

The ensuing kickoff was recovered by Splendid Singing, and once again Hasheesh began its advance. But by now the bloodlust and ire had subsided a bit amongst Splendid Haircuts. One presumes they had begun their post game celebration at half time. But regardless, the hapless Ratz were unable to stop their advance as Splendid Singing scored again to put the Haircuts up 2-1 and secure the win.
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