“Overwhelming favourites Barnsleys Chops took to the field determined to crush the Wigan Boot Boys like the vermin they are, whilst the Boys were making an attempt to banish memories of previous bouts of tomfoolery and buffoonery.
In a fairly even start to the game, the Chops received the ball and on the first drive managed to cause a casualty to the Boys, avoided only be the early intervention of the Apothacary. However, a gap was created and the ball was successfully thrown to the Chop catcher, who promptly juggled with it before dropping it causing a turnover. Whilst the Boys Vampires all avoided Blood Lust, a few blocks could not inflict any damage to the tough Chops players.
A Steady turn then followed, with the Chop lineman racing deep into the Boys half, blitzing through the sole Boys defender leaving the touchline achingly visible. The Boys defender then reverted to Buffoonery by falling over whilst trying to recover from the earlier blitz, leaving the Chop lineman to stroll nonchalantly into the endzone to give a scoreline of 1:0 and ensuring Apollo0360's record of NEVER keeping a clean sheet against Colcas continues.
Just before kick off, the weather decided to do what the Boys could not, with a sudden heatwave leaving 4 of the Chops players in the dugout with heat exhaustion. Due to the lack of any meaningful action from the Boys, only one player stayed off the pitch. Unfortunately for the Boys, a bout of fannying about with the ball coupled with some hard as nails tackles from the Chops meant there was no further scoring in the half and several Boys players were carried off the pitch injured, with the chops "Jon Blitz" deciding to practice his Origami, folding "Lane" into 3 pieces, leaving him with a broken back.

The second half started with the Chops enjoying a 1 man advantage, but that was soon to change........to a 2 man advantage, then 3, etc. Some hard hitting, coupled with the Vampires decision to start draining team mate's blood meant the Boys were doomed to a second half of toil and trouble with absolutely NO luck. Missed tackles, failure to injure and hard hitting from the Chops meant a second score wasn't too far away, and it duly happened, leaving coach Apollo0360 scratching his head and offering his first "expletive" of the match, but not his last.
With the score at 2:0, a sudden blizzard ensued, meaning the Boys were unable to throw the ball any great distance, puzzling for coach Apollo0360, but a later check of the rules clarified this. The ensuing short pass was surprisingly successful, however after catching the pass the Boys player promptly fell over, with the ball bouncing straight into the hands of a grateful Chops player. This about summed the game up for the Boys, with a touchdown soon following to leave the score at 3:0. 6 of the Boys players were out of the game meaning the Chops could easily protect the ball, allowing a turn of gloating before the TD was finally scored.

To summarise, what little luck the Boys started with soon disappeared, and the hard hitting of the Chops players meant Apollo0360 was doomed to a loss from the early stages of the second half, if not earlier. Never once having the ball in the opposition half, this was perhaps the most one sided game between these old but slim coaching rivals. The lack of any cohesive play accompanied with a few bad coaching decisions and some horrendous luck meant the Boys only took 6 Star Player Points from the game, only 1 more than the minimum possible, with the Chops taking a massive 23 just to emphasize the gulf in class.
Apollo was left to reflect and retire to lick his wounds, if not his wife, whilst Colcas did a little dance of delight accompanied with some good natured, yet accurate "Trash Talking" to his Lancashire rival.
The Crowd were left to lick their lips in anticipation of the next meeting between these two great friends and rivals.

Vlad "a punch and a stab" the Impaler ”