“The latest battle between the Coaching Titans of Colcas and Apollo0360 looked like being an interesting match, though the level of skill to be shown was debatable. Colcas was fielding an Ogre team, not known for their intelligent, skilful play, whilst Apollo was fielding a team of Khemri, an unknown quantity consisting of some of the undead creatures not good enough to get in the undead team.

The Khemri got to rearrange their formation before Kick Off, which was taken by Haaaarrgh Haaaargh. A good start from Rainford had “Willybob Wilson” knocking “Vaaaargh” over before “Big Crusher Holt” knocked poor little “Grot” into the middle of next week, or the KO zone as it is known. It was then time for the Rainford specialists, with “Throw me a frikin Bone” picking up the ball, or so Apollo thought. Despite the sureness of his hands, “Throw me” played with the ball before deciding not to pick it up, resulting in the ball scattering away from him, handing initiative to Haaaarrgh. The ogre team decided to give it large to the Khemri, apart from “Vaaaargh” who just stood round waiting for kick off. Someone really needed to tell him the game was underway. “Haaaargh” was more successful, knocking “Big Crusher Holt” over. Due to the worries about the stupidity of the ogres, Colcas decided to end the turn there.

Turn 2 started with “O So Thin” wandering around before “Grotbag Hodgeons” knocked “Caaaargh” over. “Willybob Wilson” then decided to Blitz, but being a Mummy and not very intelligent, forgot he only moves 3 squares, leaving 2 “go for its” needed. “Willybob” easily made the first of these, but failed the second miserably. Due to the team re-roll being used earlier in the turn, “Willybob” paid for his buffoonery by falling flat on his face to end the turn for Rainford. “Caaaargh” and “Vaaaargh” went for a little walk, leaving big brother “Raaaargh” to do some blocking, which unfortunately had little effect on the Rainford player. Little Clot then decided to try some blocking of his own, with as much success as “Raaaargh” before Colcas called an end to the turn.

Turn 3 started with “Grotbag Hodgeons” knocking “Caaaargh” over and “Big Jabber Summers” knocking “Vaaaargh” over. “Throw Me A frikin Bone” then did a little juggle with the ball, before successfully picking it up but nothing else of interest happened before the Ogres took their turn. “Vaaaargh” and “Caaaargh” stood up whilst “Slot” and “Trot” went for a wander. Three of the Rainford players were then knocked over, by “Haaaargh”, “Waaaargh” and “Raaaargh”. With no injuries to either team, this rather dull turn came to an end.

Turn 4 commenced with “Throw Me A frikin Bone” going for a pass, which he failed miserably first time, but was successful on his re-roll, the ball flying like a bird over “Waaaargh’s” head. Unfortunately, “Thin Boy Wilson” left his catching gloves at home and failed both attempts to catch the perfect pass, thereby ending the Rainford turn. A rush of blood to the head meant “Blot” tried to pick the ball up in a tackle zone and surprisingly failed. The ball bounced into the crowd, only to reappear in the middle of the Haaaargh half.

“Sweet Cheeks Willson” ran towards the ball at the start of turn 5, and despite his slippery hands managed to pick it up and run madly towards the Haaaargh endzone, although he was slightly isolated from his team mates and open to a blitz from the lurking “Trot”, weedy though he was. “Waaaargh” then attempted to blitz “Sweet Cheeks” but failed miserable to dodge out of his tackle zone and fell in a crumpled heap on the floor. Colcas was NOT happy.
Turn 6 say “Sweet Cheeks” blitz through the luckless “Slot” but only pushing him back. “Sweet Cheeks” then defied the odds, making 3 dodges before charging into the endzone to make the score 1:0 to Rainford.

A rather dull end to turn 6 saw Colcas arrange his team perfectly around the ball, but “Blot” spoiled the good work by failing to pick the ball up.

“Willybob Wilson” started turn 7 by picking the ball up, no mean feat for this fumbling mummy. Luckily for Colcas, there was only 1 turn left meaning an Apollo touchdown was out of the question. The faint smell of fish was the overriding memory of Colcas’s turn, as he simply ran all his players to the edges of the pitch in an attempt to protect them for the second half. This is the sort of move that has given Apollo a bad name, but Colcas felt not the slightest bit guilty.

Turn 8 was only eventful for its uneventfulness and the half drifted to an end.

The second half saw the ball drop near “Snot” and Colcas called a Polly by sending him to pick the ball up, which he failed to do ending the Haaaargh turn prematurely. Rainford for their part simply covered all the gaps in this low key start.

“Snot” made amends for his buffoonery by picking the ball up at the start of turn 2 before constructing a decent defence around him. A good turn was spoiled when “Clot” lived up to his name by being sent off for fouling “Rag & Bone” who was stunned by this foul. Rainford could not capitalise though, as “Willybob Wilson’s” block resulted in both himself and “Caaaargh” falling to the ground.

Turn 3 saw “Snot” running into the Rainford half, ably supported by “Grot”, “Blot” and “Raaaargh” before “Waaaargh” badly hurt “God Im Starving” who luckily regenerated onto the reserves bench. There was little Rainford could do in this half apart from surround the ball carrier and his protectors, which they did very well after dome good decision making from coach Apollo.

Turn 4 then saw one of the calls of the game from Colcas. “Haaaargh” charged towards ball carrier “Snot” before picking him up and throwing him deep into the Rainford half. Not only was this unlikely throw successful, “Snot” managed to land on his feet before charging manically into the endzone to make the score 1:1. What a move, and even Rainford coach Apollo found himself cheering, the goon. Rainford did nothing of any interest at the end of the turn as no injuries were caused despite several blocks.

“Caaaargh” started turn 5 by knocking “Thin Boy Pollard” out before “Raaaargh” stunned “Sweet Cheeks Willson”. A nice bloodthirsty start to the half which then saw a few tactical moves from Colcas. “Throw me a frikin Bone” then picked the ball up before throwing successfully to “skeliebobs” who managed to catch it first time. The ball was them handed off to “Big Crusher Holt” who failed to hold onto it, but a stroke of amazing luck saw the ball drop back into the grateful hands of “skeliebobs”.

“Raaaargh” started turn 6 in his customary aggressive fashion, knocking “Big Jabber Summers” out before a few dull moves ended the Haaaargh turn. “Skeliebobs started by successfully handing the ball to “Big Jabber Summers” who then made 1 successful dodge but failed the second, falling flat on her big fat face, the ball landing at the feet of “Trot”.

Turn 7 started with the game finely balanced, although only Rainford had any real chance of winning. “Trot” managed to make this highly unlikely, successfully picking the ball up and running into the Rainford half, although too far away from the endzone to score in the next and final turn. “Willybob Wilson” decided to show the upstart “Trot” what running into the Rainford half meant, and knocked the poor stunty out with the ball bouncing into the crowd and back into the centre of the pitch. “Skeliebobs” then went for the ball, but promptly fell over whilst attempting to dodge.

Turn 8 was short and not so sweet with both teams failing to pick the ball up, thereby ending their turns early. All in all, a 1:1 score was probably fair with no coach deserving to lose.
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