“Swivel and Rainford met for this mouth watering rematch. Swivel won the first match 2:1 with a masterful display of dodging, Rainford scoring their consolation touchdown in the very last turn of that match. Colcas was understandably confident that his twinkle toed Elves would run rings around the ponderous Khemri, whilst Apollo refused to believe that Swivel’s dodging ability could be so good for a second game. The more experienced Khemri were a stronger outfit on paper, but Blood Bowl is not played on paper, rather built on a foundation of confidence, a main body of apprehension and a topping of trash talk. When taking the side salad of dashed hopes into account, this cocktail of emotion made an appetising dish for the watching hordes, with the crowd some 8000 higher than the first match.

Rainford were allowed to reorganise their defence before kickoff, at which point Apollo had one of his famous “Polly” moments and left a gap even a Cowley could fit through in the middle of his defence. The 2 catchers of Swivel happened to be stood next to this gap and looked at each other in amazement, whilst Colcas couldn’t believe his eyes, despite knowing the tomfoolery Apollo was prone to display.

Turn 1 started with “Be Happy” skipping Gaily towards the ball, picking it up easily before slipping it to “Phil Ma Crevice”. “A Good Night” charged into the Rainford half, covering “Throw Me A frikin Bone”, before “Phil Ma Crevice”, “Ben Doon”, “Help Ma Boab”, “I Got A Feeling” and “Knob Rot” followed suit to create a fantastic covering blanket for the Swivel ball carrier. Apollo could only shake his head, although some bystanders swore they heard the words “Fooookin Dodge” coming from his direction. Just to add insult to injury, “That Tonights Gonna B” joined in the fun and dodged into the Rainford half. So Swivel ended their turn, probably one of the most successful first turns in Colcas’s illustrious career, whilst Apollo was left to reflect on if it was possible to have set his team up any worse. The general consensus was “NO”, it was an atrocious defence. Rainford started with little choice but to make a highly unlikely Blitz on the ball carrier, however, that Buffoon Apollo managed to mess this up and somehow used his blitz action without actually making a blitz. This was a new low in a whole catalogue of disasters from Apollo, who was totally at a loss as to how this had happened. A Rainford Reserve was heard to mutter something about Apollo forgetting his head if it wasn’t connected to his shoulders, whilst the other reserve quietly offered to rectify this by removing the head. Stupidity concluded, Apollo was left with little option but to try some dodges of his own, and much to everyone’s amazement, they ALL succeeded, with “Throw Me A frikin Bone” even managing to get between the ball carrier and his own endzone. Apollo did the best he could with his team, and overall coached a decent defence from his limited options.

Turn 2 started with “A Good Night” dodging away from his markers to cover “Throw Me A frikin Bone”, whilst “Help Ma Boab” did the same. “Phil Ma Crevice” then shrugged “Throw Me A frikin Bone” aside, before dodging out of his tackle zone and tiptoeing gently into the Rainford endzone. 1:0 to Swivel after turn 2, the fastest ever touchdown from the quickly becoming legendary coach, Colcas. Before kickoff, Swivel got to try a cheeky blitz, but couldn’t inflict any damage. “Throw Me A frikin Bone” managed to pick the ball up, but a bout of ineffectual blocking inflicted no damage on the Swivel players.

Turn 3 started with “Crivens” deciding to block, a good choice as “Where De Go” was knocked out. Buoyed by this success, “I Got A Feeling” had a pop at “Big Crusher Holt”, promptly killing the big goon. Luckily, “Holt” managed to regenerate and simply disappeared to the reserve bench. Another bout of excellent dodging meant the Rainford ball carrier was covered by 2 Swivel players, a perfect end to an almost perfect turn for Colcas. “Who’s The Daddy” managed to stun “Help Ma Boab” before “Sweet Cheeks Willson” went for a big blitz. Oh dear, deciding to ignore overwhelmingly favourable odds, the only one hurting was “Willson” himself, managing to knock himself out. There was little doubt who was on top so far, the Swivel superstars being all over the Rainford Rookies like the rash that gave “Knob Rot” his unfortunate name.

Turn 4 started with another bout of top dodging from swivel. This was starting to REALLY annoy Apollo now, a feeling of hopelessness joining the feeling of despair from Turn 2. Ball carrier “Crivens” managed to get within a turn of a touchdown and three other swivel players followed to provide cover. Oh Dear, what COULD Apollo do? Well to no one’s surprise, Apollo decided Tomfoolery was the answer. “Rag & Bone” tried a dodge that required a roll of 6, providing chuckles all round when he fell prone at the feet of “Crivens”.

Turn 5 started with “Crivens” teasing Rainford by running towards the endzone, then standing 1mm from the line, a smirk running from pointy ear to pointy ear. Rainford were unable to do anything other than get close to the ball carrier, who started Turn 6 by nonchalantly strolling into the Rainford endzone for a touchdown, making the score 2:0 to Swivel. After kick off, a bout of ineffectual blocking finished with “God Im Starving” managing to knock out “I Got A Feeling”, before “Sweet Cheeks Willson” successfully picked the ball up and ran towards the halfway line.

Turn 7 provided little excitement from Swivel, who decided to completely swamp the Rainford ball carrier, leaving a touchdown almost impossible. The slightly fishy smell of Apollo’s moves then gently wafted across the pitch as he decided to ignore any slight chance of scoring, and concentrate on trying to hurt the Swivel players. Then it was time for buffoonery of the highest order, with “Sweet Cheeks Willson” stupidly going for it, falling over, and spilling the ball.

Turn 8 started with neither team being able to score, but “Phil Ma Crevice” ran towards the open ball, picked it up, then successfully threw it to “A Good Night”, who ran back towards his own endzone. Rainford managed to stun 2 of the Swivel team, but the half ended with “Who’s The Daddy” being stunned from his own block. A laughable ending to a laughable half from Apollo.

Swivel kicked off the second half confident the game was already won, but some good coaching meant an extra reroll was given to Rainford. Some good blocking from Rainford left 2 swivel players stunned and 1 other prone. “Sweet Cheeks Willson” then stepped up to the ball hoping to keep this good start going. Unfortunately, all Apollo’s good coaching counted for nothing, with “Sweet Cheeks” failing to pick the ball up with either of his attempts. An unfortunate end to a good start for Rainford. Swivel started showing typical speed and dodging skill, with “A Good Night” racing into the Rainford half, skipping through all tackle zones before picking the ball up. A great move that suddenly left Rainford vulnerable to a third touchdown, although “A Good Night” had very little support in the Rainford half.

Turn 2 started with some astute tactical play from Apollo who covered the 2 free Swivel players, before knocking the ball out of “A Good Night’s” hands. Again though, excellent play was let down by a failed attempt to pick the ball up, “Big Jabber Summers” this time the culprit, failing to pick the ball up with both attempts. Apollo was left to wonder if some of the Vaseline used during the half time entertainment was still on his player’s hands. “A Good Night” then picked himself up, danced through numerous tackle zones before picking the ball up and skipping gaily off towards the Rainford endzone. Further dodging left every Rainford player on a tackle zone. So far the second half was mirroring the first with the Swivel player’s agility enabling them to dodge out of any tackle zones created by Rainford. Through no fault of his won, Apollo was now staring down the barrel of another touchdown.

Rainford started Turn 3 with more excellent blocking, before “Big Jabber Summers” knocked the Swivel ball carrier over, then getting the first piece of luck when the ball popped straight into her arms. “Big Jabber” then lumbered away, cradling the ball like an annual bonus. This success appeared to rub off on other Rainford players, “O So Thin” fouling “Be Happy”, knocking him out. Colcas could count himself lucky, 7 of his players were knocked over, yet none of them suffered any injuries. Maybe this just wasn’t going to be Apollo’s day. Swivel then started to mount a defence and finish by surrounding the Rainford ball carrier. Unluckily for “Don’t Worry”, he fell over trying for that extra movement, leaving only 1 Swivel player marking “Big Jabber Summers”.

Turn 4 then commenced, “Big Jabber” blitzing herself out of trouble before that familiar lumber took her just over the half way line. Apollo then constructed a good defence around the ball carrier, whilst “Throw Me A frikin Bone” sped off towards the endzone before standing patiently on the goal line. Rainford’s position was looking quite good. Could they score? Apollo was determined that he would breach the Swivel defence and prevent an easy win for old foe Colcas. Colcas though was quietly confident that Apollo would either run out of luck, or throw a “Polly” and ruin his previous good play. The Swivel defence then surrounded the lonely “Throw Me A frikin Bone” before “Jings” charged in knocking him over, but causing no damage. “Help Ma Boab” then charged over to foul the hapless “Throw”, but failed to cause any additional damage.

Turn 5 started with “Throw” standing up in the Swivel endzone, but then it happened. Apollo called a “Polly”, with “Willybob Wilson” attempting a stupid, pointless dodge ad of course falling over. “Big Jabber Summers” could only look on, unable to do anything with the ball in her hands due to the sheer stupidity shown by “Willybob”. Coach Apollo could be heard moaning about a mouse, but surely a small rodent shouldn’t cause so many problems. Maybe Apollo should look at himself, as he appears to be the Common Denominator when things go wrong around him. Seemingly taking pity on Apollo, Colcas then decided to do a “Polly” of his own. A two dice block on “Throw Me A frikin Bone” resulting in a knock down or a both down, and Colcas decided to choose the both down result. The crowd went quiet and local journalists dropped their quills in shock. The perfect play from Colcas was in tatters, and he could only hang his head in shame, a small tear of sorrow trickling gently down his cheek.

Turn 6 started with Apollo doing his best the throw the game away, choosing not to clear “Big Jabber’s” tackle zones but asking her to dodge out of them. Failing her first dodge, only the team reroll allowed “Big Jabber” to trundle off, before throwing to “Big Crusher Holt” who was standing quietly only 2 squares from the Swivel endzone. The Rainford agility then came into play, the pass failing miserably, ending up in the Swivel goal line. “Help Ma Boab” then ran up to the ball, picked it up and passed to Crivens. This easy catch was then dropped by Crivens, who displayed that always fatal result of “Snake Eyes”.

Apollo was now down and out, so decided a risky 1 dice block on “Knob Rot”. “Knob” stood firm and “Rag & Bone” fell over, knocking himself out in the process to add insult to injury. Turn 7 concluded with Swivel sensing an easy touchdown, unfortunately all sense of skill appeared to have disappeared from the Swivel players, the ball being fumbled. The game had descended into farce and the crowd just wanted it over to savour the 2 goal win.

Turn 8 started with Apollo having nothing to lose, so decided to try a risky move. “Big Crusher Holt” dodged through tackle zones and successfully picked the ball up. Amazing stuff and Apollo started to believe the impossible was possible. True to form though, the pass went astray, falling next to “Who’s The Daddy”. Swivel started with “That Tonights Gonna b” dodging here, there and everywhere before picking the ball up and running towards the halfway line. A fantastic pass resulted in the ball landing nicely in the hands of “I Got A Feeling”, who had been standing quietly on the Rainford goal line for most of the second half. The crowd cheered, “I Got A Feeling” celebrated and the score was moved to 3:0. BUT, the unthinkable happened to this skilful Elf. Celebrations were premature and the ball bounced from his ever so slightly feminine hands, landing at his perfectly manicured feet. The crowd were hushed, the score moved back to 2:0 and “I Got A Feeling” was left to reflect on what would happen to him in the dressing room after the game.

This 2:0 win for Swivel was notable for the fantastic agility of Elves and the few miscalled plays from Apollo. Overall, Apollo can count himself unlucky that he didn’t manage to score, although a little more luck for Colcas could have resulted in a 3 or even 4:0 final score. Apollo was again left to reflect on what he needs to do to beat this fast paced elf team, whilst Colcas simply smiled and verbally abused his defeated opponent.
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