“Wigan Boot Boys took on Willys Pollys for the very first time in an intriguing clash. These closely matched teams couldn’t wait for the mayhem to commence but little did they know of the carnage to follow.

Willys kicked off, leaving the ball on the halfway line at the feet of Wigan’s “Duffy” and “Cunliffe”. A great start for Wigan. After a few damageless blocks, “Duffy” picked the ball up, handing it off to the stronger “Cunliffe”. Wigan then made a few more moves before ending their turn, a well thought out and tactical start to the game from Apollo. “Sandra Lipotrim” made the first block for Willys, and what a block it was, knocking “Pollard” straight off the field into the knocked out zone. Colcas continued with some good general play, before a rush of blood to the head caused him to do a “Polly”. “Cowley Curse” was instructed to blitz an opposing player, despite having to dodge with his feeble agility. There could be only one outcome, and it duly occurred. “Cowley” fell over in a mess of horns and hair, stunning himself in the process.

Turn 2 was again notable for excellent tactical play from Apollo with a series of well planned blocks leaving ball carrier “Cunliffe” surrounded by team mates and in only 1 tackle zone. Apollo can count himself unlucky that 6 successful blocks did not cause any actual injuries to the tough Willys. Colcas meanwhile was breathing huge sighs of relief, although he was a bit worried about this excellent tactical coach who seemed to have taken over Apollo’s skin. The lack of damage from the Wigan players meant that when they all stood up, “Cunliffe” was well covered and in a sickening ironic twist, Willys “Busy Bees” blocked “Ball” knocking him off the pitch to join “Pollard” in the knocked out zone. Colcas could not stop himself from laughing out loud, a noise heard everywhere between Bury and Wigan. More blocking left the Wigan ball carrier suddenly surrounded by Willy players, all licking their lips in anticipation of the slaughter to follow.

After a few of the Wigan players stood up at the start of turn 3, ball carrier “Cunliffe” fell victim to the vampire blood lust, taking a huge chunk out of poor Thrall “Picard”, stunning him where he lay and bringing Wigan’s turn to an unfortunate quick finish. Willys hard hitting blocks struck again, this time welsh songstress “Duffy” feeling the pain all the way to the Apollo knock out zone. Apollo was really at a loss. His play so far had been perfect, yet he found himself 3 players short through no fault of his own. Colcas meanwhile was suffering from a bout of cramp caused by the permanent smile adorning his ruggedly handsome features. “Father Pollard” then knocked the ball clean out of “”Cunliffe’s” hands, it landing perfectly between 5 Willys players. The only Wigan tackle zone on the ball was from “Blan”, who was soon seen to by “Sandra Lipotrim”. “Sandra” displayed all the venom she has become famous for, badly hurting the hapless “Blan”, who had to leave the pitch.”Bethicles”, who had been taught well by her mother, then stunned “Philpott”, leaving Wigan with only 2 players currently standing. “Ashton then picked up the ball before easily shrugging “Wilson” out of the way and charging deep into the Wigan half.

Turn 4 saw Wigan’s bad luck continue, “Cunliffe” again falling victim to blood lust and latching his fangs hungrily onto the head of poor “Picard”, knocking him out. When would this incredible run of injuries come to a halt? The vampires really were Wigan’s undoing, “Keller” also failing to resist the blood lust and having a nibble from poor old “Tabiner”, who fell stunned to the floor. Apollo then called the only play open to him, sending “Willson” to blitz the ball carrier. Wigan’s luck went from bad to worse though when “Willson” only succeeded in hurting himself, the gleeful “Ashton” laughing uncontrollably at this unfortunate chain of events for Coach Apollo. Willys turn saw “Ashton” running towards the touchline, laughing all the way. A series of blocks failed to produce any injuries, but the Wigan players were well covered by Willys hard hitting warriors.

Turn 5 started with Apollo getting the stroke of luck he so clearly deserved, “Wilson” managing to knock “Makerfield” out before moving towards Ashton, although still nowhere near preventing the inevitable touchdown. Colcas could not accept this indignity, sending 2 players to attack this Wigan player who had dared to hurt one of his players. Order was restored when “Wilson” was duly knocked out, making a total of 5 Wigan players in the knocked out zone, with “Blan” next door in the badly hurt tent. “The Girls” then decided to foul “Rodgers”, sending him to join “Blan”.

There was very little Wigan could so at the start of Turn 6, there being only 4 players on the field and all of these prone. “Philpot” tried a blitz, but the result was a standoff with nobody hurt. “Ashton” went for a walk and stood on the goal line, biding his time before claiming the glory of scoring. A simple block meant once again, all the Wigan players were prone at the end of the turn.

Turn 7 saw the Vampires again causing Apollo to swear, “Keller” falling prey to the blood lust and with only 1 solitary Thrall left on the pitch, he was quickly banished to the reserves bench. A few moves later, and “Philpott” was surrounded by eager Willys, the other 2 Wigan players lying miserably on the ground in the Willys half.

Unable to do anything, Apollo refused to even accept turn 8 existed, leaving “Ashton” to step over the touchline to score, 1:0 to the Willys.


The second half did not start any better for Apollo with 4 of his players failing to recover from their injuries. Along with the 2 players badly hurt, this left Wigan with only 7 players on the field, Willys able to field 10. Despite a huge number of blocks, Willys were unable to inflict any injuries, and goal score “Ashton” then turned villain when he failed to pick the ball up. Apollo then decided to just go for an against the odds play, under the circumstances a brave if foolhardy thing to attempt. It proved successful however, “Clarke” managing to get one of his tackle zones covering the ball. Vampire “Keller” again showed his weakness, submitting to blood lust yet again before stunning poor old “Tabiner”.

Turn 2 saw “Busy Bees” blitz toward “Clarke” near the ball, but his attack resulted on both players going down. Colcas ordered this result to stand, both players slumping to the floor. Apollo then ordered poor “Clarke” to make a difficult attempt to get the ball, and he duly failed, badly hurting himself in the process. The words “Would you believe it?” were heard coming from Apollo’s mouth. Colcas couldn’t answer for laughing.

“Cowley Curse” started Turn 3 by launching himself at “West”, knocking him clean out. There was now very little space left in the Wigan knocked out zone. “Leonster” then pushed his luck, fouling and stunning “Tabiner”, but getting sent off in the process. Apollo was unable to call any significant plays, but amazingly the 3 vampires all avoided the blood lust, a case of too little too late though.

Turn 4 saw Willys “In” blocking “Picard”. The hard hitting result of this was that “In” was knocked out, but “Picard” was in a worse state, being badly hurt. Colcas didn’t mind the loss of “In” as Wigan now only had 4 players on the field. Some fantastic dodging and blood lust resistance meant Wigan managed to finish the turn with 3 players not being marked. There was however only 1 thrall left on the field, meaning succumbing to blood lust for the 3 vampires was a potential disaster.

Busy Bees started turn 5 by picking the ball up and slowly moving towards the Wigan half. No injuries were inflicted though in a low key round of blocking. After a couple of turns without any bad luck, it returned with a vengeance, “Keller” succumbing to blood lust, badly hurting “Tabiner” who left the field, cursing all things vampire. “Philpott” then also fell victim to blood lust. There being no thralls left on the pitch, he promptly ran off to bite the lily-white neck of an attractive maiden.

Turn 6 saw “Busy Bees” continue their inexorable path towards the Wigan endzone. The final 2 players for Wigan, “Cunliffe” and “Keller” withstood the onslaught of Wills blocking to remain on the pitch, with both even resisting blood lust to stay on the pitch at the end of their turn.

“Busy Bees” continued towards the Wigan endzone, before “Quince Holes” succeeded in badly hurting “Keller”, leaving “Cunliffe” as the sole Wigan survivor on the pitch. “Cunliffe” managed to shrug off his marker, before charging towards “Busy Bees” shouting various words of abuse.

Turn 8 say “Busy Bees” run into the endzone to make the score 2:0 to Willys. Perhaps the final insult to Apollo was that every single knocked out player regained consciousness to take to the field at set up, far too late to make any difference. Well maybe not the final insult, which was still to come. A 2 dice block from “Cunliffe” left him knocked out and the game ended.

Rarely has a coach had such a run of bad luck in a game. The first half saw Wigan make far more blocks than Willys, but the few Willys blocks resulted in regular injuries. A good start from the Vampires wasn’t to last, and they ultimately cost Wigan the game, not only by snacking on their team mates, but leaving the field themselves in search of fresh blood. Apollo can count himself unlucky to lose a match so easily, when he actually coached a good game. Colcas meanwhile can look back on performance of amazing ferocity from his Chaos Dwarves, and look forward to their next performance. Colcas celebrated by bringing a future star into his team, the precocious talent of “The Boy Joshter”, noted for his guttural war cries and the ability to look in 2 directions at once. Look out opponents, Willys Pollys have the taste for BLOOOD, ha ha ha ha ha.
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