“After forcing Apollo to retire his first Lizard team, the Ashton Lizards, Willys Pollys were now attempting to crush the new lizard upstarts of Its Time To Die. The result of a cloning experiment, Its Time To Die were all born from a single drop of seepage from coach Colcas’s nether regions and therefore were all Wilson’s. However, as is the norm for Apollo, one of the experiments badly misfired, creating “Time is running out Wison”. It would remain to be seen if this missing letter would affect the Its Time To Die teams morale. An intriguing match was therefore to come with the fast but weak lizards against the slow but strong chaos dwarves, a game of opposites indeed.

Just before kickoff, “Makerfield” came down with heat exhaustion, missing the start of the game. This allowed “The Boy Joshter” to make his second appearance for Willys. Apollo then had another stroke of luck, with a member of the crowd taking issue with “Father Pollards” latest sermon and stunning him with a well placed rock. Willys then kicked the ball deep into the Its Time half to begin the game.

Turn 1 started with a block and early foul from “Eat this Wilson”, living up to his name. No damage was caused, though Colcas was surprised by this early display of aggression from Apollo. 2 lizards then ran deep into the Willys half before “Time to eat dirt Wilson” ran back to attempt an easy ball pick up. This otherwise perfect turn from Apollo then took a turn for the worse, “Time to eat dirt Wilson” decided to live up to his name and rather than picking the ball up, played with it for a while before deciding he didn’t want it after all. Perhaps he should have been named “Fails to pick up the ball Wilson”. The Willys started with “The Boy Joshter” making his mark, stunning “Death by Wilson” and leaving a pair of perfect tread marks over his scaly skin. The Willys then surrounded the 2 lizards in the Willys half before ending the turn.

Turn 2 saw some excellent play by Apollo. “Time to eat dirt Wilson” picked the ball up and ran towards the halfway line, “Time to kiss this Wilson” then ran deep into the Willys half and cover was provided by 3 Its Time players. Unfortunately, Apollo then called a bit of a “Polly” asking poor old “Eat this Wilson” to dodge away from his marker, despite only having an agility of 1. He of course failed, falling over and badly hurt himself. Only the swift intervention of the team Apothecary prevented “Eat this” leaving the pitch altogether. Colcas immediately sent “The Girls” to blitz “Time to kiss this Wilson” and when faced with a push back of both down, Colcas called a “Polly” and ordered both players to collapse to the ground. What was Colcas thinking? “Time to kiss this” would be back up next turn whilst “The Girls” would still be on the floor. Oh dear, advantage had been passed to Apollo and the crowd waited with baited breath to see if he could use this.

“Time to kiss this Wilson” started turn 3 by charging into the endzone, and some good tactical moves by Apollo covered the nearest Willys players. “Time to eat dirt Wilson” then ran into the Willys half before throwing a perfect pass to “Time to kiss this”, who then managed to undo all the good work by failing to catch this pass, TWICE. Apollo could only groan with dismay while Colcas laughed out loud and thanked the omnipotent presence that had brought his team back from the brink of disaster. Having no other choice, Colcas ordered “The Girls” to stand up and attempt to dodge away from “Times up Wilson” and “Dodgy Wilson”, which he managed with aplomb. Things then got better for Colcas, “The Girls” successfully picking the ball up and making the perfect long pass to “Ashton” at the bottom of the field, who easily caught it and ran towards the halfway line. “The Girls” bellowed a loud, triumphant roar towards the hapless “Time to kiss this” standing alone in the endzone, examining the hols in his hands. Colcas then made several tactical moves before ending the turn.

Turn 4 started with Apollo sending cover towards ball carrier “Ashton” before riskily attempting a 1d blitz that only managed to push “Ashton” back, despite being rerolled. Apollo then decided to add a musical note to proceedings, “Take That Wilson” deciding to try some magic of his own. He attempted to block “Bethicles”, but when the crowd shouted “Could it be Magic?” and begged “Take That” to "Relight My Fire” the answer coming back from “Bethicles” was that he better “Pray” for his future, promising to “Never Forget” this feeble block, claiming she’d be “Back for Good”. “Take That” managed to fall over his own feet, ruing the fact that “It only takes a minute”. Colcas laughed and shouted over towards Apollo “Everything changes but you”, Apollo replying that he only needed a little ”Patience” and was holding out for a “Beautiful World”. “Quince Holes” started Willys turn by badly hurting “Death by Wilson”, quite ironic all things considered. In another ironic twist, time ran out for “Time is running out Wison”, who was pushed into the crowd by “Ashton”, no doubt to look for his missing “L”. The crowd really entered into the spirit of things by breaking out into “A Million Love Songs” before asking the unfortunate “Time is” “How Deep is your Love?” before dispatching him to the knocked out box. “Ashton then ran the ball into the Its time to half, but then Colcas called a “Polly” instructing “Cowley Curse” to make a block, managing to knock himself over as well as “Wilson must die”. Colcas wasn’t happy, he could have put himself in a much better position, but tomfoolery had prevented this.


Amongst the watching crowd, was a group of literature buffs who were updating the latest edition of the Blood Bowl Dictionary and they decided to add 3 new words, the first time this had happened in 20 years. The words and definitions were to be entered as follows:

“Polly” – To make a move that flies in the face of common sense, defying all logic and invariably resulting in glorious failure. “He really threw a Polly that turn”

“Pollyfoolery” – Used to describe a passage of foolish play. “After a turn of tactical genius, there then followed a turn of Pollyfoolery”

“Pollyfoonery” – Used to describe several turns of foolish play. Usually preceded by a bout of Pollyfoolery. “He really didn’t learn from that previous turn, and the Pollyfoonery that followed really had to be seen to be believed”

A sentence using all 3 is a rare event indeed, but possible. If this happens, the coach must really worry for his very life. “After making yet another polly, coach Apollo’s pollyfoolery rose to new levels, elevating his coaching to a totally new level of pollyfoonery.”

These words would make their debut in the next round of matches. It was decided that further investigation was needed before the recommendations of “Pollygoonery” and “Pollyloonery” would be considered.


Turn 5 saw “Wilson must die” blocking ball carrier “Ashton” stunning him, but knocking the ball into the crowd, it bouncing back in close to a collection of Willys players. Apollo again cursed the bad luck that seemed to be dogging him this game. Apollo then sent “Times up Wilson” on a risky mission to pick the ball up, which he unfortunately failed to do, it coming to rest at the feet of “Busy Bees”. “Bethicles” than continued her 1 woman war on Apollo, badly hurting “Time to go down Wilson”, making it indeed, time for “Wilson” to go down and off the field. This left Its Time with only 8 players on the field, with no one in reserve whilst Willys still had a full contingent of 11. The odds really were stacking up against Apollo, his promising start now firmly behind him. “Cowley Curse” then decided to even thing up a bit, simply standing still and roaring loudly due to a painful bout of indigestion. After a few tactical moves, “Busy Bees” attempted to pick the ball up, but failed miserably. Luckily for Colcas, the ball landed favourably, surrounded by Willys players.

“Eat this Wilson” started turn 6 by stunning “Quince Holes”. “Time to eat dirt Wilson” then went for the ball, but chose to ignore clear field and ran straight through a tackle zone to get to the ball, failing his dodge and falling over. The ball bounced into the hands of “Busy Bees”, who failed to catch it so allowing it to bounce into the hands of “Eat this Wilson”, who also failed to hold onto the slippery ball, it coming to rest in no Willys tackle zones. “Sandra Lipotrim” then continued her daughter “Bethicles” good work, badly hurting “Dodgy Wilson” before “Cowley Curse” again fell victim to his indigestion. After several successful blocks, the ball was now clear for Willys to attack, so “Busy Bees” ran over to it, but failed to pick the damn thing up. The ball then decided it was bored of being treated like a piece of leather, so had some fun of its own. Firstly, it rolled over the prone body of “Eat this Wilson” into and out of the hands of “Bethicles”, over the prone body of “Quince Holes” back to the surprised “Bethicles” who again failed to catch it, then bouncing again onto poor old “Quince Holes” straight into the hands of “Sandra Lipotrim” who decided to give the ball “The Stare” and held onto it tightly, although the ball was now too scared to move any further.

Turn 7 saw very little opportunity for Apollo, who was just trying to get to half time scoreless and hope to regroup, although 3 of his players were going to miss the rest of the game. A few standard blocks followed from Willys, before the fit again “Cowley Curse” knocked out poor “Time to eat dirt Wilson” and “Bethicles” stunned “Times up Wilson”. “Sandra Lipotrim” was surrounded on all 8 sides, so attempted to lob the ball out of this group, to the waiting “Ashton”. This hard pass attempt failed miserable, the ball landing on the prone body of “Wilson must die” then into the hands of “Busy Bees”, where it stuck.

Turn 8 was very short for Apollo, “Eat this Wilson” knocking himself and “Busy Bees” over with his block. The ball bounced from “Busy Bees” to “Sandra Lipotrim” who failed to hold onto it allowing it to bounce with typical sick humour onto the prone bodies of “Busy Bees” and “Eat this” before finally resting in an empty square. Willys then made several blocks without causing any injury, but “In” failed his attempt to get the ball, leaving the first half ending scoreless.

The second half saw Its Time To Die really up against it and needing a miracle if they were going to win as they only had 8 players on the field against the mighty 11 Willys. As if things weren’t bad enough, Willys were given an extra reroll for their hard hitting first half. Its Time kicked the ball deep into the Willys half and it was game on.

Turn 1 saw Colcas throw a “Polly” and instructed “Cowley Curse” to block early in the turn, and he not only fell over, but stunned himself, ending Colcas’s turn early, much to Apollo’s amusement. A couple of blocks from Its Time failed to cause any injuries, and Apollo had little choice but to simply move his players closer to the halfway line and wonder how to contain the Willys attack that was no doubt to follow.

Turn 2 saw the Willys players charge forward to cover every Its Time player, before “Busy Bees” stunned “Take That Wilson” in an attempt to stop the song title buffoonery that occurred in the first half. “Ashton” then ran back for the ball, but after successfully picking it up, he tried a simple pass to boost his confidence, but fumbled badly causing the ball to drop harmlessly to the ground at his feet. Apollo managed to create a gap for “Eat this Wilson” to race through in an attempt to get the ball, but with a rush of blood to the head decided to Go For It and fell over, the watching “In” and “Ashton” themselves almost falling over with laughter.

Things weren’t going Apollo’s way at all, and they got even worse in turn 3 when “Leonster” knocked “Time to kiss this Wilson” out and “Busy Bees” stunning “Wilson must Die”. “Ashton” then picked the ball up, ran towards the halfway line and threw a successful pass deep into the Its time half. Although the intended recipient, “Busy Bees” failed to catch the ball, it landed at his feet closer to the Its Time endzone with the Its Time team in total disarray. “Times up Wilson” then made an audacious move, dodging away from “The Girls”, running up to the ball, evading “Busy Bees”, picking the ball up, and running off towards the halfway line. What a fantastic move, totally spoiled by the failed pass, the ball bouncing off the prone body of “Cowley Curse” before landing at the feet of “Bethicles”.

Turn 4 started with “Bethicles” taking her rage to another level. A swift kick that part that should not be mentioned left “Take That Wilson” with a Groin Sprain, causing him to leave the field and miss the next game. “Sandra Lipotrim” looked on with pride as her daughter proved that those self defence lessons had not been waster. “Take That” was left to ponder on yet another comeback. On a more serious note, Its Time were now down to 7 players, Willys still having the full count of 11. Surely a Willys win was now a certainty, especially when “Father Pollard” crossed the religious divide to knock “Time to eat dirt Wilson” out, leaving only 5 Its Time players on the field, and only 1 of those, “Time Up Wilson” actually on his feet. The perfect turn for Colcas was then spoiled when “The Girls” ran back to the ball but failed to pick it up. Standing his players up, Apollo sent “Time is running out Wison” on a suicide mission to get the ball. “Time is”, slipped away from “Sandra Lipotrim”, before Going For It twice, dodging into the ball square, and actually picking it up. What a fantastic move, and “Time Is” attempted to pass the ball, a move that may well have cost the Willys any chance of scoring. A successful pass meant the ball flew unhindered over the flailing arms of “The Girls”, but unfortunately lacked aim and landed in the disbelieving hands of “Ashton”, who managed to hang on to it, despite his cocky smirk.

Time indeed ran out for “Time is running out Wilson” at the start of turn 5, “The Girls” stunning him without a second thought. “Ashton” then ran the ball through the yawning gap in the Its Time defence, before a few Willys blocks meant only 1 player was left on his feet, nowhere near the ball. Having no choice, “Times up Wilson” tried to dodge away from his markers to attack ball carrier “Ashton”, but he only managed to fall over, leaving a touchdown almost inevitable before the final whistle.

Turn 6 saw “Ashton” charge to within spitting distance of the Its Time endzone, before Colcas organised protection for him. However, Colcas threw a “Polly”, ordering “Quince Holes” to fill a gap in the defence but totally forgetting about the marking “Wilson must Die”, and falling over to hoots of derision from his teammates. What could Apollo pull out of the hat now? The crowd watched in to see if miracles were forthcoming. Apollo then spoiled everything by calling his first real “Polly” of the match, sending “A Kick to the Head Wilson” over to “Ashton” but forgetting to tell him to tackle the lucky hobgoblin. “Wilson must Die” then ended the turn by falling over while trying to escape from “Leonster”.
Colcas ensured ball carrier “Ashton” was backed up by “Father Pollard” and “The Boy Joshter”, before ordering him to blitz the incredibly worried “A Kick to the head Wilson”, which he duly did, pushing “A Kick” back before running into the endzone to finally score the Willys touchdown to make the score 1:0.

Kick off saw probably the final injustice to Apollo, Colcas being able to re organise his players to completely cover the Its Time players. Its Time had one chance, and one chance only. Some good blocking gave “Time to eat dirt Wilson” the chance to run deep into the Willys half, before “Time is running out Wilson” picked the ball up, ran to the halfway line and attempted the perfect pass. Unfortunately for Apollo, the ball was fumbled, falling at “Time is running out’s” feet. Apollo really had not received any luck from the great gods of FUMBBL.

“Cowley Curse” started turn 8 by breaking poor “Wilson must Die’s” ribs, this serious injury seeing him carried off the field, to miss the next game. The damage continued with “Father Pollard” knocking “Times up Wilson” out before “Busy Bees” knocked both himself and “Time to kiss this Wilson” over. It really was last chance saloon for Apollo, with “Time is running out Wilson” picking the ball up before attempting a pass to the heavily marked “Time to eat dirt Wilson”. The pass was perfect, but “Time to eat” failed by inches to catch the pass, it bouncing into the hands of “Ashton”, who also failed to catch it, the ball landing at the feet of “Time to eat” in a final ironic twist.

This was a very strange game indeed. Apollo had absolutely no luck at all, being only a simply catch away from scoring an early touchdown. That was as good as it got for Apollo as the hard hitting Willys managed to regularly consign the Its Time players to the injury tents. Apollo almost managed to hold out for what would have been an amazing draw, but the imbalance of numbers eventually told. Colcas was grateful for the win as he had become increasingly worried during the second half that he wouldn’t score the game winning touchdown. Colcas was particularly pleased that his hard hitting Chaos Dwarves had again caused Apollo to retire a newly created team.
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