“Hey there, sportsfans! It's your friendly host Bob Bobson here, bringing you the latest in quality carnage from the astrogranite of Nuln. Today we saw the local boys get hammered in a one-sided crunch match between the Anvils and Soup's Up, the visiting Halflings. The match ended with so many players off the field or in pieces, we weren't sure if we needed a surgeon or a jigsaw champion to put the back together! Hah!

The match started badly, with the Anvils' stomachs rumbling so loud we could hear them over the crowd, and it just got worse. We'll take a couple of moments silence as we think about Helmut Wegener. This youngster had only been drafted last week to play for his home team, but nothing could have prepared him for the beating he took today. Doctors at the Nuln Military Hospital tried for minutes to save his life, but even they could reattach his severed spleen, liver, stomach and left lung. Nuffle gives, and Nuffle taketh away, but today, he was sure in a selfish mood!

With the loss of two star players in the first half, the match was all but over: the Anvils refused to give in to despair, and fought on as hard as they could. A short breakaway in the second half raised the flicker of a cheer from the three fans who hadn't left by that point, but any optimism was crushed as hard as Geffrey's elbow. The old fella has said that despite the pain, he'd play on as long as the team want him.

Oh... news just in from the management: they've sent up a press release - they're saying that despite Geffrey's generous offer, they're not convinced with his recent record, and that they don't want him. At all. It's a sad end to a pretty unconvincing career. I hope he got medical with his contract!

This is Bob Bobson - you've all been great. Goodnight!”