“The Duke Leads Reavers to a Third Premiership in Gripping Climax to Season Nine

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Earlier today Bristol Reavers lined up against the giant (or Sera)-killing Watford Khornets in round seven match of massive importance. A win would guarantee Reavers the title, while the Khornets were fighting for pride (and a second major scalp of the season).

Before the match a terrible virus ran through the Reavers team, depriving them of Blocker Craiiiig David, but fortunately the Reavers management had arranged for an additional player.... taking the 11th place on the pitch would be the effete goblin known as "Fly boy", who - after being seen entering the pitch under the arm of The Duke - was soon renamed "Rent-boy" by the cruel and perverted Khornet fans. This untrue rumour spread around the ground, leading to many of the Reavers away fans saying "I didn't come here to watch THAT! Ick. It's like Coach Russo and his sheep. Let's get out of here and get to a pub" [bad press].

So, the game began, with the 11 Reavers (one a dodgy gobbo) receiving the ball from the 14 stong Khornets. Oh, did I say 14? Make that 13 as the Spoonehish troll Elton John was quickly knocked to the ground and then booted into next week (or next but one game, as it were). The ball was soon gathered by the Duke, and - after another beastman was carried BH from the field, the Reavers moved down the right hand side of the pitch and set up the screen.

With the mighty khornet warriors tied up - and mainly ineffective when they did get free - the Reavers stalled well, finally scoring in T7 after the khornets got a KO and managed to free up some players to apply some pressure. Despite this, the Duke blitzed free of 3 markers and stepped across to score. 1-0.

The Kornets had 2 turns to reply, but the Reavers downed one goat receiver and orc-marked the other, leaving only a highly improbable score, which - not improbably - failed. 1-0 Reavers at halftime.

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So Bob, 8 more turns and the Reavers will take the title? Yes, that's right Dave, but with 10 orcs and a goblin, can they keep enough players on the pitch to do it? Well, Bob, let's see! Here come the teams now...

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The second half saw the Khornets receive the pigskin, and quickly lay into the Reavers LOS. The hired Fly Boy met glorious goat death, and a blitzer soon followed to the KO box. Down to 9, things looked a bit grim for the Reavers. They hung off, hoping for an opportunity to strike. There it is! The Duke dodges through, GFI's twice to blitz the surehanded goat ball carrier - POW! CAS! Niggle! Apoc Fael! Kaboom! and the ball is free.

However, the Khornets still can tie the ball up, if only a CW can remove a marker from some goats. Block! Skull/pow-skull! RR! Skull/skull! Oh noes! cry the Khornets fans...

Encouraged by this piece of luck, the Reavers pour forward, freeing the ball from TZs and allowing Ryan Green to steal though and grab it. Here we go! The Reavers protect Ryan, and screen him well, as the goats gnash their teeth and the warriors cry that their terrible gods have forsaken them! Oh, the woe and suffering!

The Reavers - ball, TD and Premiership looking secure - turn the bash on, repelling anything that comes near to the ball carrier. Bam! Down goes a CW under the Duke's fist! RIP! Bam! Down goes another! More RIP! Blood soaks the pitch. The Chaos gods are sated. And Ryan Green skips home in T16 to win the Reavers their THIRD PREMIERSHIP title!”