“With both teams fresh from their first victories in the league this was a top of the table clash, first vs second. Simian's dwarves had emerged unscathed against Pootle's elves whilst Crumb's woodies were missing 2 players through injury. Advantage Simian? We will see...

The Fellers won the toss and chose to receive. After claiming the ball an ill-advised challenge from wardancer Charles dancer ended their initial offensive. The Monkeys got down to business, laying out elves left, right and centre and even flooring Woody the Treeman, an impressive feat for a bunch of shortarses. With Trollslayer Boiin Blood-Hammer and Blitzer Lomgnus punching through the Fellers' line the elves were already on the back foot. The Fellers switched to the left wing, with Charles Dancer breaking through past the Monkeys' defenders. This ploy was short-lived though as Woody ended up on the ground again and the Monkeys tracked back. The Fellers quickly reversed play to the right wing, a daring move let down only by Lineman Terry Lineman fumbling a simple short pass and dropping the ball at his stupid feet.
The Monkeys had locked down the left wing and had 2 players around the ball, but Longbeard Dosur overstretched himself and tripped over his long beard – a shocker for the Monkeys. Terry Lineman dodged in to snatch the ball away from the surrounding dwarves and handed off to Des Lineman. Des ran up the wing and passed to Ed Lineman, who was now unmarked in the centre. The Fellers grouped in the centre to make a loose cage around Ed, with Chris Lineman making a dash for the endzone in anticipation of a pass. The Monkeys proved surprisingly agile, darting through the cage and tackling Ed and eventually left him with the ball but surrounded. Ed's speculative pass failed spectacularly, the ball spilling loose and ending up outside the enormous melee in the middle of the pitch. Boiin Blood-Hammer tried to muscle Mike Lineman out of the way but managed only to muscle himself to the floor, leaving an opening for Mike to try but fail to grab the ball. By now the egg was ricocheting around like a pinball, with no-one really sure where it would end up, until the Monkeys made a literal breakthrough, shattering Gary Lineman's jaw. Lomgnus picked up and began a fairly slow stomp towards the endzone.
The Fellers were not done just yet though and ran men back to pressure Lomgnus. This pressure was lifted somewhat when Blood-Hammer badly hurt Des Lineman. A last-gasp attempt by Terry Lineman came to nothing, and Lomgnus went over the line in the dying seconds of the half. 1-0 to the Monkeys!

Down to 7 men, the Fellers kicked off the second half. The Monkeys formed a cage around Runner Glosin Quick-Step and began to drive forward. The Fellers responded but the Monkeys quickly switched play to the left wing. Woody badly hurt Longbeard Balin, giving the Fellers their first casualty of the campaign, and they formed a loose defensive screen in front of the Monkey's cage. Although the Monkeys pushed through the screen they left Quick-Step open to a blitz from Charles Dancer, which scattered the ball behind most of the Monkeys and gave the Fellers a great opportunity to turn over. Nick Lineman had made a run into space but Chris Lineman's pass wasn't accurate and the ball went to ground. Trollslayer Sagna Thor-Axe got next to the ball, which was enough to trip up Nick and spill it out of his clumsy hands! Blitzer Lomli picked up the spiky egg, and Longbeard Lira badly hurt Ed Lineman. Blood-Hammer then broke Fellers fans' hearts by crunching into Chris Lineman, leaving a mere 5 Fellers on the pitch, with only Woody on his feet. Well, roots anyway, and speaking of roots this is when Woody decided to put his down. Disaster for the Fellers! A desperate last blitz from Charles Dancer went badly wrong and Runner Vusin Sure-Foot went over the line unchallenged. 2-0!
In the dying seconds of the half the Fellers wanted nothing to do with the Monkeys and tactically withdrew from the line of scrimmage as fast as they could.

Thanks for the write up Crispy!”