“Chapter 3


Rats, thought Coach Robsson. I hate rats. Nothing that isn’t an elf should be able to move that fast. And they were too big as well. Rats shouldn’t be that big. Or smelly. On the other hand, they generally stayed down when you finally managed to hit them, and that was always a bonus in BloodBowl. Also, and Robsson said a quick prayer of thanks to the gods, this lot had decided not to bring along a rat ogre.

I Rattiniculo, a relatively new team just like his own, so maybe they were also still trying to iron out all the little problems any starting team had to overcome. A timid blitzer with a conscience, a catcher who couldn’t stay on his feet, a treeman who seemed to be all bark and no bite – Robsson laughed at the inadvertent joke – and a bunch of also-rans who couldn’t even remember the rules of the game, let alone the play codes he was trying to teach them.

His pre-game pep talk was brief.
“Okay lads. Rats. No big guys, and as far as I can see, no hidden weapons either. What you see is what you get. But don’t let the little ones fool you. They’re almost impossible to hit, and once they get past you they’re gone. So don’t give them the opportunity. Hit anything that comes too close and make sure it stays down. And offence, I want to see some proper elvish play. I want passing, dodging, sprinting. And I want scores. Lots of scores. Got it? Now, Go! Go! Go!”


* * * * *


“Well”, he said as the players gathered round for their debrief. “Not quite the game I’d imagined, but at least we didn’t actually lose it and I suppose there are some positives to take away with us. Let’s see…”
He glanced down at his page of notes.
“Viva la Vida. Nice to have you back and clearly the rest has done you some good. You played well out there today. Heart of Glass, you too. Nice blocking and a good casualty when it mattered.”
He looked up with a smile.
“Beds are Burning. That’s more like it. Good blocking. And although their apothecary did manage to revive that rat you totalled, I understand he’s in pretty poor shape. Certainly his best days are behind him now.”
Beds are Burning accepted the applause of the rest of the team.
“Thanks guys. You know, I felt okay about it. A poor little Halfling is one thing, but a rat is another kettle of fish altogether. I almost wish I had killed him.”
“That’s the spirit!”
Coach Robsson continued on down the list.
“One More Cup of Coffee. Better, much better. Those shoes are clearly better on your shoulders than they ever were on your feet. Keep up the good work. Gold Strike. A good all round performance. The rest of you need to put in a bit more effort but generally okay.”
He paused for effect.
“And then we come to So Much for the Afterglow, who was apparently playing a different game to everyone else today. While we were all trying to win a game of BloodBowl he was playing bouncy-bouncy with the ball. Two passes for twelve yards. That may be fine for an orc team who don’t generally know which way is up anyway, but for a wood elf that was appalling. I’ve passed water further than you passed the ball today. You couldn’t pick up, you couldn’t pass. You practically lost us the game single-handedly.

“But coach,” pleaded the passer, “ my arm is killing me. You had me doing so many one-armed press-ups in training I can hardly raise my arm above my shoulder. And I still can’t feel two of my fingers.”
“Bah!” snorted the coach. “Excuses, excuses. If I don’t see a marked improvement during the next game I’ll try someone else in the backfield and you can try waving that magic arm of yours around on the line of scrimmage for a while. Then we’ll see how strong it really is. Now, all of you. Go shower. You stink of rat and I need to go and see how much gold we’ve made.”

Robsson knew he’d been a bit tough on So Much, but he also knew that’s what it took sometimes. The lad was good. He might even be very good, but he needed to be kept in check. A strong arm was one thing, but a big head was no help when it came to throwing long bombs. But maybe a game like this was all it would take to bring him back down to earth. Time would tell.
”