“Chapter 17

Coach Robsson chuckled to himself. It wasn’t often his plans worked out exactly the way he’d intended, but today they had and he deserved a pat on the back for it. Coach Men-o-maN had offered him a rematch against his vampire team, BloedDoetGoed and he’d happily accepted, pointing out that as their last meeting had been at the vampires stadium, this one should be at the White Men’s ground.

And here they were, on a gloriously sunny afternoon, with a large, somewhat rowdy crowd eager for some BloodBowl action. Already the wood elves were out on the pitch, set up to receive the kick and facing them was half the vampire team – the still living half – looking pale and uncomfortable in the bright light. The team’s three vampires were still in the heavy tent they had erected beside the pitch, waiting until the last possible moment before subjecting themselves to the sun’s gaze.

The referee blew his whistle and several things happened at once. First, the flaps of the tent were pulled aside and the three vampires ran onto the field, clad in heavy armour which covered them from head to foot. As if a signal had been given, the crowd suddenly erupted in a great cheer and a drunken group of troublemakers charged onto the field and began barging into the players. Unbelievably, Coach Robsson realised they were his own team’s fans, and yet it was his own players who were the ones being knocked to the ground. As some consolation though, one of the newly-arrived vampires was also upended and trampled into the dirt as the fans ran off out the stadium, pursued by a troop from the ground’s security staff.

Five minutes later, after the White Men in Black Suits scored their first touchdown, the crowd erupted once more. Fights broke out in the stands and several of them spilled over onto the pitch. Wisely, the players chose to wait in the safety of their dug outs this time and only once the crowd was back in its proper place did the referee call for the game to be resumed.

“Onside kick!” screamed one of the thralls as the ball bounced neatly over the defensive line and settled just in front of the elves.
BloedDoetGoed surged forward quickly and took control of the ball before the wood elves were able to reach it but it was clear things were going to get messy.
Bzzzzzzzzz!
Suddenly, from out of the vampire’s backfield ran Helmut Wulf with his chainsaw. He charged forward and began slashing left and right in a frenzy of barely-controlled rage, driving the White Men’s front line back as he went.
Coach Robsson shouted his usual appeal to the referee, knowing as he did so that it was almost certainly pointless. By the time the ref was in a position to do anything about it, someone was almost certainly going to be in pieces. Robsson prayed it would be Wulf himself, not an elf.

But then, quite suddenly, the game was over. As the vampire attack crumbled and a third thrall was crushed beyond recognition, Coach Men-o-maN called a time out and pulled his entire team off the field, refusing to continue.
“You force my vampires to suffer in this infernal sunshine, then you display a complete lack of control over your crowd, allowing them to come and go across the pitch as if they owned it. I will not remain here and watch this one-sided shambles continue for another minute. My team have pride, they have nobility…”
“They have a chainsaw-wielding lunatic hidden in their tent,” added Robsson with a grin.
Coach Men-o-maN gave a sneer and turned away.
“I can see there is no reasoning with you. Consider this match over.”


* * * * *


Coach Robsson chuckled to himself. By now it was mostly because of the mead rather than the memory of the vampire coach storming out of the stadium, only to return from the storage shed and demand to know where the proper exit was. But it was a great memory none-the-less. But now to business.
“Announcement!” he announced.
The players stopped their washing and changing and waited for him to continue.
“ I have some good news, and some good news, and some more good news.”
Now he had the players’ full attention.
“First off, the sudden and unexpected departure of our noble opponents…”
He paused to let the laughter die down.
“…has resulted in their forfeiting their match fees and letting us keep them instead.”
More cheering.
“This means I’ve been able to take on another new player. I’ve decided to give a full contract to Long Way Home. You’ve all worked with him in training and I want you to make sure his move up to the first team goes as smoothly as possible.”
There was more cheering and a few jokes at the new player’s expense.
“And now we come on to the main event. It’s something I’ve had in mind for a while but could never afford. But now, thanks to the vanishing vampires, I’ve been able to get it sorted. Ladies and gentle-elves, trees and others, I give you… The White Girls in Black Suits!”
He threw open the door behind him and in walked three young, slender she-elves. They were indeed dressed in black, but to call the outfit a suit would have been a plain lie. There just wasn’t enough of it, anywhere, to be capable of being called a suit. There was a stunned silence for a few seconds as the new arrivals took up position and Bullet With Butterfly Wings covered himself with his towel.
“All the best teams have cheerleaders,” said Coach Robsson. “And after today I think it’s fair to say you’re fast becoming one of the best teams. In this league anyway. Well, what do you say?”
Beds are Burning stepped forward and regarded one of the cheerleaders closely.
“Arial?” he asked.
The cheerleader stared in astonishment.
“Ariandel? What are you doing here?”
“You know him?” asked Robsson in surprise.
The cheerleader nodded and smiled.
“Of course I do. He’s my brother.”
The stunned silence continued.
”