“NWFL Season 4, Playoff Rd 1

Biggest game of the season..Rd 1 of the playoffs. Do or die time. Win or go home. And the Suckers biggest star, Count Asmodai, niggled out. Despite a bit of pre game shenanigans to give the Suckers a handicap (Buzzing! on Star Thrall Token, the teams enforcer), it was over before it began.

But the Suckers never say Die, and took the field with their customary swagger. They were playing their long time punching bag, the hapless Platypi, and intended to show them that Asmodai or no, they were a cut above.

Turn one saw Zara reroll to dbl skull and get promptly booted to the sidelines. High fives around. She wouldn't return for most of the match. Unfortunately, Burluscoli had also been Badly Hurt. The Suckers would be playing man-down the rest of the match.

And then it all went south. Sucker ball is aggressive ball, and they brought it in spades. But every time the ball hit the turf, it bounced right into another Platypi hand! Bleedslow got leveled, his failed dump off to Bryce Pulp bounced right to Pulp. Pulp got stripped, his ball bounced into FOUR Playtpi tackezones. The Suckers pushed two different players onto the ball and it bounced to Killy. Meanwhile, thralls are getting cleared at an alarming rate and the Suckers just couldn't prevent the score. They get the ball back with two turns to go in the first half.

"Yeah, it was tight there at the end of the first. Not much, if anything really, had gone our way. But this team does two things. Take the ball, and score. We failed to take it away in the first, but we could still score, and we did. Another day at the office" Coach Ironcollar stated.

Second half kicked off with the Suckers down 8v10 and facing a Human blitz followed immediately by first block dbl skulls. With the early rr gone the Suckers had no backup to a cross-pitch pass to take advantage of the Platypi overcommitment on the blitz, but rookie Vampire Threbedev fumbbled the toss.

The Platypi wasted no time securing the ball, but Pulp decided to drop back into protection which allowed the Suckers to fall back and regroup into a defensive setup. On the next play the Platypi broke thru and screened off Pulp near the endzone. The screen was tight however and left the flanks open. Chump blitzed around one end, with Berogi sprinting around the other flank for the assist. Chump flattened Pulp and for once the Platypi couldn't secure the bounce. Threbedev gazed a defender, Gobolov retrieved the ball and tossed it to Gustav at midfield who then broke for the Platypi endzone. The humans couldn't do anything to stop him but get a couple tackle zones on him.

A quick dodge with rr would see the Suckers up 2-1 halfway thru the second, but NO! Gustav couldn't manage the dodge and went down, stunning himself! The Platypi recovered and moved the ball quickly back upfield and took the 2-1 lead following FOUR straight failed OFAB rolls! Both vampires failed both their OFAB rolls on two consecutive turns.

Again the Suckers had only two turns to equalize. Could the Humans stop them this time, up 10 players to 7?

No way. The Platypi chose to blitz Gobolov which left Berogi standing within scoring range. With some amazing ball handling skills and dodges galore, the Suckers tied it up to end regulation.

"We fought hard all game. What should have been a 2-1 advantage halfway thru the second half wound up being a 2-2 tie to end regulation. Our team had 3 good turns sprinkled between 13 turns of FAIL. As for OT...well, watch the replay if bloodbaths are your thing. The Suckers have had a good run. We went 23-4-10 with a Superior Bowl Championship in the NWFL, and we've got a lot to be proud of. Just woulda liked to end on a high note to finish off such an illustrious career.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a virgin, courtesy of Count Gobolov. And yes, we'll be drinking sodas. Good day."”