“Office Party Turns Deadly
Grateful for a break from newsbeating, the men and women of Newsfight let their hair down at the office party. Somewhere along the line a drink was spilled and Roarwrath momentarily let down her fridge-guarding duties to clean it up. Unfortunately she slipped onto Doombleby's collection of pointed looks, with catastrophic results. A first-aider was summoned but felt there was nothing wrong with a well-ventilated face and Roarwrath quickly died, adding a mix of fluids to the spilt drink. As time went on, Snow Mercy and McChokehold joined the growing pile of corpses, bile, blood and alcohol in what Beater Sissons agreed was "the most fun he'd had in years", himself knee-deep in vol-au-vents

Some say the whole disaster could have been averted if only the elves had put up a "wet floor" sign, but then I've always said elf and safety doesn't mix.

*pause for smirk*

This is the reconstituted, angry body of Jeremy Axeman, signing off.
”