“The Pon Fhar Athletics Association are off to a rather bad start into their first season. Outnumbered from the very start, when an overly excited United supporter managed to pick off Ironyus the Unbreakable with a well placed rock, they managed to score but a single touchdown before United went on the offensive, leaving a trail of broken and bloodied elves in their wake. The PFAA's defensive efforts amounted to nothing more than some uninspired blocking and a few desperate attempts to dodge into United's cage to pop the heavily guarded ball loose. Outnumbering and outplaying their demoralised opponents, United managed to first equalise and then score the winning touchdown after skilfully running down the clock in the second half.

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Twahnlows:

3: #4 Living Dead Girl: For scoring the equaliser, removing one of the PFAA's best players from the pitch in the process.

2: #2 Swansong for a Raven: For making a lasting impression not only on the audience, but also on the bones of two elves, making sure that Ankle Grab United vastly outnumbered their opponents throughout the match.

1: #15 Brain Rot: For going above and beyond the call of zombie duty, taking on an opponent without any support and taking him out of the game permanently.”