“Game one of the Two Giant Goblins Era was a tough one, with a lot of midfield shoving and not much else. The black orcs' failure to hold the line against the Norse was fairly pathetic, which means we were left to rely on the skill players, who acquitted themselves fairly well. Akkawem in particular was responsible for our only casualty and our only TD. Meanwhile, the star goblins were quite effective... Steala had a highlight-reel play in which he dodged through four tackle zones to deliver an effective block on the ballcarrier.

The throwers, by contrast, turned in their first game without a completion. The team seemed generally reluctant to break the Norse armor. (I know, I know, that is the point of our team. Still.) Blocker Gortut, who impressed on his debut with an unlikely TD, got knocked out in the second turn of this one and never came back.

But special criticism is due one Mr. Jok Kokkak. In seven games, Kokkak has not earned a single star player point. In this game, he broke a hip, sidelining him indefinitely. At this point, if you were to knock down Kokkak and not follow up, Kokkak would not even be able to get back in your tackle zone without going for it. We are working out the procedure to void his contract, but for now, let me just award him with the all-time LEAST VALUABLE PLAYER (EVER) award.

Oh well. At least Akkawem learned how to dodge. And it was a fun game... lot of complex positioning. Thanks for the game!”