“"Is he dead?"

"No, it's just a flesh wound. Apo'll patch him up right off."

"He looks dead!"

"He's had worse. Pretty soon he'll go for a walk."

"No he shan't, his bloody leg's off!"

"Apo can stitch that back together in no time."

Made To Do It came into the arena expecting carnage, and they got it in spades. Miami Valley brought their own style of bashy Blood Bowl, knocking down and knocking out their dark elven opponents left and right. The only thing they forgot to account for was how bloody fast the little buggers can be when they're running for their lives. Shiv Slash moseyed into the end zone in the first half, and Blade Thug added the game winner late in the second on a classic elven defensive play, fumble-snatch-pass-dash.

MDTI were certainly helpless to hold back the MV offensive juggernaut. The only thing that prevented a 2-2 score was the end of the first half, with orcish thrower Beck staring helplessly at the undefended goal line as time expired. The dark elves got a couple of desperate blocks in at the ball against MV's second half opening drive, but there was never a serious challenge to the orc's first and only score.

The game could easily have been a 1-1 tie were it not for a greed-inspired move by the orcs, who tried to stretch out an elvish turnover into a score of their own. Naturally, the elves swarmed onto the loose ball like flies on rotting meat, and you could hear the groans of the MV faithful from miles away as the perfectly executed pass sailed into Blade Thug's arms en route to the end zone.

Word from the locker room is that poor Barbed Bodyguard, the subject of the introductory excerpt, is expected to make a nearly full recovery and will be ready to die again when MDTI face the Oblivion Knights in two weeks' time.

MTDI are back in action next week against the local skaven horde, Tishbites. Coach Mordae mentioned that he would be unveiling a new, secret weapon for the upcoming match, saying "She's a bloodthirsty menace, and we're glad to have her on our side."”