“This game was a Dark Carnival, blitzes, pouring rain and dodging elves combined in a nightmare end of the Claw Bombers promising season start.

The evidence of the Winnipeg side's inexperience was everywhere. The offensive line was poorly positioned against the blitz, allowing Quebec to flood the backfield. The result: 1-0 for the Carnys minutes after the opening kickoff.

The next kick the Bombers were better positioned but with the ball at mid-field the hulking Milt Stiegal was left open to a -2d blitz that came up double POW. The speed, mobility and ball handling of the dark elves combined in the rain and it was 2-0 before the end of the half.

The Bomber game plan to get the man advantage was executed with the steady work of Brendan LaBatte and the psychopathic frenzy of Kito Pobla, but the team was unable to capitolize. Kito killed two elves on 4 blocks before he was smashed out of the game. Detzo Robédé's skull was crudely patched up by the apothecary but Noryhlik Madhand's wounds were instantly lethal.

In the wake of their first loss, rookie Minotaur Chris Walby has been taken behind the woodshed to be 'edjumicated' on the finer points of his role on the team. His first outing was deeply dissapointing to the cabal who expected greater bloodshed from the slavering beast.

The CBBC sportscaster that predicted the loss and the wizard contracted for the game seem to have dissappeared, their whereabouts unknown.”