“Snot Illustrated

An interview of Kalminael, coach of Ulthuan Mammoths

Snot Illustrated: That was a special game for your team?

Kalminael: Yeah, after the death of Brave Sir Robin during the match against the Stone Agers, my guys decided that this one should be the "Brave Sir Robin Memorial Game". They wanted to honour his memory. Tonight, I'm proud of them all. They gave their best and finally showed what they're capable of!

SI: First victory after 3 matches, how do you explain this bad start?

K: First of all, we've been facing dwarves for our two first matches. These bearded little bastards aren't exactly the kind of match-up elves do like. But more important, I think there are a lot of expectations about my players. They're all godfathered by *cough* brilliant coaches and maybe this putted too much pressure on them. Tonight, they manage to forget this pressure, playing in memory of their dead teammate and you saw the result!

SI: What's your opinion about Fiona's performance? (she scores her second straight double)

K: You know, after the first game, Fiona was very frustrated. She couldn't play as she wanted to, and it's partly my fault. This isn't easy to define strategies where our 4 catchers can give their best. In the following games, I gave her more liberty with the results we know. She had a strange playstyle for a catcher, and this is my duty to understand how I can use it best for the team...

SI: They're rumors about tensions in the locker between Fiona and the other catchers. Is this true?

K: All these players are competitive by nature. They all want to show how good they are, score touchdowns and so on. But there's only one ball and 4 catchers. At this time, there's no tension, this is more kind of a friendly competition between them, which is good for the team as it is forcing them to give their best match after match. For example, Elbryan puts a lot of efforts in the gym recently and he's been greatly improving his speed, and this is very satisfying to me. It'll force the other catchers to train harder to stay at his level of efficiency!

SI: Some Mammoths fans complain about your, hum..., strange coaching. They say that it would be better for the team if one of the player's godfathers take your place. What do you answer to that?

K: I don't give a shit! I have much respect for our fans but, you know, they just don't understand professionnal sport's requirements. For now, the owner of the team entirely trust me for driving the Mammoths to the top, and I'll do my best to prove him he's right!”