“The Deramondos Freaks played their first game today against fellow rookies the Lame Guize, losing 1-3 after a wild opening.

Things started out fast for the Freaks, when the short opening kickoff landed directly into the hands of goblin Oonswar Manyspawn. Seeing the ball appear in his team mate's hands, Troll Zhack Krun immediately tossed the gobbo downfield, from which point Manyspawn made a semi-perfect landing and scampered into the endzone for a rare opening play Throw Team Mate One Turn Touchdown.

When asked how he felt about opening the premier drive of a new team with a TTM-OTT, the Really Stupid Troll was quoted to have replied, "Why you spell in front of Zhack? Zhack is adult! What is "tutum otot?" I want a hot dog!" At which point this sportscaster chose life, held in his laughter and got the big dumb thing a hot dog.

A somewhat brittle squad started losing numbers to the brawny orcs late in the first half while they slowly bashed they're way down for the equalizer as time ran out in the first half.

Another short opening kickoff for the second half lead to a brutal midfield scrum, which, once Krun was knocked out went extraordinarily badly for the Freaks, eventually leading to a near cleared pitch with only two players on their side popping out of opposite ends of the melee, goblin Glozar Moggus in one direction and Skaven Lineman Skree Opaleye flying out the other. Neither managed to stop the orc from getting the go-ahead goal.

Although Krun and a few other teammates would regain consciousness for the ensuing drive, it would be too little too late for both the Freaks in general, and especially Glozar Moggus who was fatally splattered by a black orc blocker.

When asked about losing Moggus, director of player personnel Brob "Bullbaiter" Brizko, who has just gotten to the pros after being an assistant coach on several college-level undead, necromatic and khemri teams was quoted to have said, "Oh, he'll regenerate. Wait, goblins don't regenerate! THIS STINKS! THIS IS TOTAL BS! oh, yeah, that's right they don't."

And that's the news.


Thanks for the game, Jan-Erik, let me know if you want a rematch. I'll try to do the writeup next time without Frasier references.”