“Up against one of our toughest racial opponents–– this match went nothing like I expected; such is the way with Underworld!

We received with a surprisingly ineffective start: Gravir rolled quad pushes on the LOS, while Wrecker went Really Stupid on his opening blitz. (He would go on to waste the next turn's blitz as well, and attempt more stupidity 4 times in the first 5 turns, the latter two remedied by Pro.) The elves, undaunted, swarmed into the backfield in an attempt to screen out Prosigoreus from advancing the ball. Our poor blocks and blitzes, however, were made up for by some extraordinarily effective fouls, which caused two casualties and KO'd the StripBall dancer for the entire game.

Although the Elves were able to take the ball and score, they received just enough damage for us to sneak by a Goblin on turn 8. A quicksnap and push on the final turn made a 1-turn-TD seem inevitable, but the Elven catcher Il resto rolled 1,1 on his first dodge, and we were saved by the hand of Nuffle.

It took more failed Elf KOs, a Perfect Defense, a Tentacles retention, a lucky Pow on a Wardancer, and a GFI-GFI-Blitz-reroll-Pow, but the Underworld were able to wrest the ball from the Elves. A stray scatter and Elven agility almost let them recover with a pass, but the receiving lineman (who––to be fair––had probably never caught a pass in his life) rolled a 1, and the Underworld were able to finally seal the deal. (It only took a 6-man advantage!)

I normally never feel bad about bashing Elves; this one was a little brutal for my tastes, but Coach Fingard was a complete gentleman, even while his team was being ripped apart and his beautiful record sullied. (And by Underworld, of all things!) Don't worry, Fingard–– I won't tell the other Elves...

Today we were lucky.

Tomorrow–– we expect complete annihilation! BlackBox, I hope you can deliver!

HUZZAH!”