“Second consecutive win! That hasn't happened to this team in an aeon. Most pundits agree on that Wee Yins won the game solely because of the silly behaviour of the opposition team. Whenever a Mr Colour would go down, they would pretend to be knocked out and then refused to go back again. What caused this is still unknown, but some speculate that the Crush'ems players are unhappy about not being allowed to chose their colours themselves. Anyone who has seen Resevoir Dogs knows this is a bad idea.

With ball handling pogoer Gallus out of the picture (injured twice in the same game), bets were up on who would attempt to score. Numpty, having run out of bombs and therefore very bored, picked it up and ran the whole length of the pitch to score in the last turn.

Big Man survived a 16th turn foul, but it would have only been fair if he had been crushed after what he did to poor Windae Licker.”