“FCXIII is the first Fumbbl tournament for both coaches, and having successfully avoided Legend CPOMB teams in the first round, expectations were high. Both teams are fairly new and bloated with stat upgrades, Thunder with AG and multiple +ST, and Børk! with AG, MV and AV. Mighty Blow was limited to 2 players each, and neither team boasted a PO’er. Even with the lack of kill skills, armour and injury dice were gentle, and block dice felt like they yielded frequent pushes on both sides.

Thunder won the toss and elected to receive. They drove aggressively down the left flank into a half-cage, which would have been stoppable if I’d remembered his Berserker’s Jump Up, who cleared the way for the 2xGFI score in Turn 3.

Børk! received next and took the right side in order to get a shot at Lars the ST5 Ulf. I left the ballcarrier exposed on purpose to a dodge-and-2xGFI blitz from the +AG Ulf (I forgot about the +AG but might have done it anyway), which he nailed using a RR, taking my Thrower down. We recovered the ball and hung back. Fortunately Lars the wunderUlf got overexcited and frenzy-pushed himself into an uphill 2d block (which became a theme) with Snoo Cune-a the Snow Troll, which ate up another RR and didn’t end well (fractured skull – Apothecary not used). From here we curled to the left, then to the right, stalling for the Turn 8 score. Turn 8 was made interesting by some fancy dodging by the Thunder, and bonehead decisions on my part, but fortunately the ultimate 3+ naked dodge was a success and we were in for the tie.

We received for the second half, and KO’d one lineman off the block, but Ulf Cheeckee In Zee Besket (MVP of the match) double-skulled his block while the rest of the team was still out of position. (Step 1: Move mens. Step 2: Roll dice.) We elected not to re-roll as a ball-carrier blitz would require 3x GFI to get just a 1d hit, but it didn’t matter as Brede the Thunder Lineman elected to push our Berserker right into the lane, a move the coach surely wanted back. We curled left again, and although the Thunder recovered position reasonably well, another 2d blitz attempt on Snoo Cune-a resulted in a push and another 2d uphill block for a reroll and a second skull. In no rush, we backed up and consolidated behind the LOS again, but left our BC open to the blitz due to some bad positioning. Fortunately only the 1d blitz was taken, which came up Push, and from there we advanced freely upfield, having slowly gotten numbers thanks to some KOs and another casualty.

Coach TheThinkTank was frustrated with himself as this game was clearly winnable for him (particularly with the number of mistakes I was likewise making), but the frenzy-trap was unforgiving and eventually sealed the game.

Asked after the game for his thoughts, team leader and playing coach Swedish Chef remarked, “Suleed furst metch boot ve-a cun pley better. I veell noo gu meke-a sume-a meet lueffers! Børk! Børk! Børk!!”
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