“Diane, it's 12:01 AM on Tuesday, January 20th, and I've just returned from an {edited} dicimation of monumental proportions. We were called in to investigate some strange goings-on at One-Eyed Jacks, when we were ambushed by nuffle. Hard. Without lube. Every time we needed a 2, we rolled a 1. Every time a 3+ would have worked, we got a 1 or a 2. Armor wasn't worth s#!te, and Doc Hayward mixed up uniforms with Bobby Briggs so that when he got hurt I didn't let Albert see to him. Although with the way we were getting crushed that might have been for the best. No telling what would have happened to Sheriff Truman if Albert and his team weren't on standby. I don't understand how every other elven team in existence hasn't imploded, nor why we seem to be the only ones that nuffle treats like a two dollar whore.

Dale in room 316, Great Northern Hotel, signing off.

Medical Report: As I said, I withheld Albert and his team from tending to Doc Hayward because I thought it was Bobby Briggs. But if I had let him go in, one of the other injuries would certainly have been worse.

Financial Report: The bribe didn't really come into play. I made one foul at the end to keep the fast high elf out of the end zone. The winnings were about as crappy as they could possibly get. I don't dare replace anyone with the Log Lady's damaged back. Also, nice CR hit (2.3 points). I guess the formula doesn't take dice violations into account.”